Absolution(67)

The music faded as the song came to an end and they stopped moving. She stood with her arms around his neck, the rhythmic beating of his heart against her chest almost mesmerising.

“Are you ready for a break?” he asked, gently brushing her hair away from her shoulder.

“Just one more?” she whispered, not ready to let go of the moment just yet.

“You’re the boss.”

They began to sway in time to the music again and she closed her eyes. She let the music in – properly, this time – and it took her back to places she hadn’t been in a long time. Memories flooded through her. Jack’s shirt felt damp beneath her cheek and she sniffed, opening her eyes and blinking in the dull light of her living room.

“Hey, hey – what’s all this?” Jack soothed, smoothing her hair away from her face as she pulled away from him.

“I think I need to sit down,” she whispered, light-headed suddenly.

“Okay, sure, just a second here.” He manoeuvred them both towards the couch and turned around so her back was facing it. “I’m just going to lower you down here, just hold on to my – yeah, that’s it. Okay, there you go, no problem,” he said gently, easing her onto the couch.

She sniffed again, wiping her eyes with trembling fingers.

“You okay?” he asked nervously, sitting on the edge of the couch beside her. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No,” she mumbled vaguely. “I just felt a little dizzy, but I’m fine now.”

“You look kinda pale. I’ll get you some water.”

She didn’t bother arguing and watched as he disappeared into the kitchen. Unlocking her braces with trembling fingers, she eased herself back into the couch as he came back to sit beside her again, glass of water in hand.

“Here. Maybe you should drink this,” he suggested, and she took the proffered glass, taking a small sip. “Better?”

“Thanks. I just… I think it was just the… everything.”

She rested the glass on her thigh, watching it closely, as if it might provide all the answers to the questions in her head.

“Ah yes, the everything. That’d certainly do it,” he said, and she glanced up to find him smiling at her.

She felt the tears coming again as she looked at him, staring back at her with a tender, slightly bemused, expression. She blamed the alcohol for affecting her this way, but she knew that it wasn’t solely to blame. She fought through the haze of emotions and chemicals, frantically trying to rebuild the carefully-constructed wall that held her fragile soul safe, trying desperately to keep him out. She felt the wall crumbling but she was determined not to give up the cause yet, so used to protecting everyone from the mess inside her head that it was second nature now. So why was she telling Jack things she had never told anyone else?

“You scare me,” she whispered, alcohol connecting the direct line between her brain and her mouth. She took a quick sip of water and her hand shook so much, she almost dropped the glass. “This – us – tonight… all of it. Dancing, talking – secrets – so many things. And feelings – the way you make me feel… it’s all so… it’s like you never left, only you did leave, and it’s all so different now.”

Jack’s face, so worried just moments ago, relaxed. “It’s kind of overwhelming, is that what you mean?”

“Yes!” she nodded vehemently. “That’s what I mean! Isn’t that what I said?”

He smiled, reaching for the glass of water and setting it down on the side table. “Kind of, yeah.”

She groaned, covering her face with her hands. “I’m drunk, you’ve gotten me drunk. I hope you’re happy.”

He laughed softly and rubbed her back. “Yes, you are. But it’s okay, you’re safe.”

Her hands fell into her lap and she looked over at him, intent on saying something important. But whatever it was mysteriously disappeared and she just stared at him. He smiled at her, so tenderly she forgot where she was. She wanted to surrender to him, right here, right now.

She leaned unconsciously towards him and his smile faded. His eyes lingered on her lips for a nano-second, sending a shiver of anticipation through her. She waited impatiently as he searched the depths of her soul until his lips were on hers, warm and soft and tasting vaguely of beer. She closed her eyes as his fingertips caressed her cheek, the nerve-endings coming alive with his touch.