A Rake's Ruin (Devilish Lords #1)(45)

He studied Rhys for a moment, seeing his brother clearly for the first time in years. What his brother needed was some fun. Something to divert him from his heavy responsibilities and remind him that there was more to life than duty and obligation. But who was he to tell his brother what he needed when his own life was in such disarray?

He left his brother to his work and made his way up to his father’s room with the drinks and a forced smile for his father’s sake. But his father was still asleep, looking frighteningly frail.

Nicholas stayed with him anyway. He wanted to be there when he woke. Besides, no matter where he was his mind would be fixed on one person and the decision that was coming, one way or the other.





Chapter Thirteen





God bless her sister Georgie, the chatterbox with a heart of gold. Her sister had taken one look at her after Nicholas left the room and had sat beside her, wrapping her in a warm embrace as she’d talked at length about how it would all work out and how lucky she was to be so loved, etcetera.

Honestly she’d stopped listening fairly early on in her sister’s speech. Not because her sister’s words weren’t kind or helpful, but because she was incapable of focusing on anything, it seemed. Her mind was all over the place, flitting from one memory to the next.

Georgie’s chatter was cut short by the arrival of Anne, who their butler took great joy announcing as the Countess of Davenport. Well, as much joy as their somber old butler took in anything, she supposed.

Claire could not steady herself for anything or anyone so when Anne caught sight of her, she rushed forward, her eyes wide with shock. “Claire, dear, what is it? What has happened?”

Claire saw Anne look to Georgie when she didn’t immediately answer and Georgie gave a shrug. “She has been like this since Galwin left.”

“What did they speak of?” Anne addressed Georgie instead of her. With a distant clarity, Claire realized just how shaken she must appear if they did not believe her capable of speech.

She opened her mouth to intervene but couldn’t think of the words. Her mind was too busy processing Nicholas’s speech. Perhaps they were right to assume she could not answer.

Georgie explained how she had left them alone, ending with a rare frown as she and Anne both turned to face her where she was still tucked beneath her arm. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have left them alone. I thought it would be all right…they are marrying tomorrow, after all.”

“Maybe not.” The words came out as a whisper and her chest clenched painfully as she realized the truth of it. The decision was hers. She could walk away, start anew. She could hold out for someone else, a man who didn’t terrify her with his firm insistence that she be open and honest.

It wasn’t as though she were opposed to honesty, but being open? That meant being vulnerable. It would mean lowering her defenses and allowing him in.

And what then?

Then he could crush her if he chose. Her heart would be bare and she could not lie to herself any longer. If she allowed him in, she would fall in love.

Her chest tightened again and she clasped her hands to her breast as though to keep her heart from coming undone.

Perhaps she already had fallen in love.

She didn’t realize she’d started to cry until Anne came to her other side so she was now trapped in her sisters’ embrace. “There now, Claire. It will be all right, I promise.”

Anne’s voice had taken on that caring, nurturing tone Claire knew so well. While Claire may have been the eldest, Anne had always been the most maternal. She was the youngest of them all, but it was she they had all turned to when they needed comfort. Claire reached for her hand and squeezed.

Thanks to her mother’s apathetic view of Anne, she could have turned out so very different. Perhaps if her mother had treated Claire with the same level of disinterest she would have turned out differently as well.

But how so? She would like to think that she would have been like Anne, letting go of resentment and anger. Maybe like Anne she would turn her disappointment into dreams of a life filled with love.

Or maybe romance just wasn’t in her nature.

Either way, it did not matter because she wasn’t Anne and she could not change her past. She was who she was, and it was about time she face the fact that she had wasted her life trying to be the perfect daughter, the perfect debutante, the perfect future wife.

She had worked so hard to be that idyllic person that she didn’t know who she was. Not really. Not deep down where it counted.

Given one inch of freedom she had gone wild and wreaked all sorts of havoc that had landed her engaged…and to a man she might very well love.

“What is it, dear?” Anne asked. “Please talk to us.”

Claire shook her head and gratefully accepted the handkerchief that Georgie handed her. “I don’t know where to begin.”

“Did Galwin say something to hurt you?” Georgie asked.

Anne straightened, her voice hardening with anger. “He better not have. I’ll have Davenport deal with him right this instant.”

Claire shook her head again. “No, no. Nothing like that. He didn’t hurt me…at least, not like that.”

“Did he try to call off the wedding?” Georgie asked. Her typically lighthearted sister looked so distraught, Claire managed a small smile.