A Rake's Ruin (Devilish Lords #1)(47)

Claire bit her lip as she replayed the moment in her mind. “I think so.”

Anne frowned slightly. “Don’t think about it, dear. Just answer. Did your heart know that he was speaking the truth?”

Claire’s mind called up the image of his striking face, the warmth in his eyes—that deep passion that was always there when he looked at her. “Yes,” she said on an exhale. “When he looks at me, I know.”

“Then you must have faith in that,” Anne said gently. “Love requires trust and faith, neither of which are easy to give, but nothing worth having comes easily.”

Claire nodded but her insides felt raw. This was all so new to her. None of it seemed easy, not even falling in love. She looked up again, glancing between her sisters with their kind, knowing gazes.

“Even if I can put my faith in him, how do I know I can trust what I’m feeling? I don’t know what I’m feeling, I can’t explain it and it doesn’t make sense. It’s all happened so quickly and when I think of what I should feel—”

“That is the crux of it,” Georgie interrupted. Though slightly younger, she suddenly looked old beyond her years as she tapped a finger to her forehead. “You think too much.”

Anne let out a little laugh but she was nodding in agreement. “Georgie is right, Claire. You’re trying to use your brain to solve a riddle only your heart knows the answer to.” She lifted their clasped hands to Claire’s breast. “You must trust this. Stop thinking it through and listen to what your heart tells you.”

Claire frowned. Anne made it sound so easy. “What if I don’t know what I want?”

That was it, the question that had been plaguing her this whole week. She’d always thoughts she’d known what she’d wanted—children she could dote on, and marriage based on respect and mutual appreciation. But now, everything was different. Over the course of one night, her expectations and what she was raised to believe was expected of her were no longer true. Or at least, they were not the only truth.

The world opened up before her, dangerous and new. Exciting but mysterious, like staring up into the fathomless depths of the night sky.

To her surprise it was Georgie who answered with a scoffing sound. When she looked over in surprise, she saw her sweet, cheerful sister donning a rueful smile. “Of course you do not know what you want, Claire. You were raised having no options, of course you would not dream or hope for things you knew were out of reach.”

Claire nodded. It was the truth. She had never allowed herself to want for anything more than she’d been given. And she had been given a great deal compared to her sisters. As the favorite, the one who her parents expected something from, she’d been doted on, she’d received all the attention and the money. Her gowns were always the finest as her sisters received her hand-me-downs.

But now she realized that her sisters may not have had the finest gowns, but they’d had the highest hopes. The wildest dreams.

She, on the other hand, had killed that part of herself when she was a child. Whatever it was that allowed a person to dream for things like love and happiness…she didn’t know if she possessed it any longer.

“You’re doing it again,” Georgie scolded gently, leaning over to tap her forehead. “Stop trying to analyze and just feel. Your heart will give you the answer. What do you yearn for?”

The question hung in the air between them and Claire’s breath caught in her throat. Not because she was surprised by the question but rather by the answer.

Nicholas.

The answer didn’t come from her mind but from somewhere deep inside of her, a place she hadn’t known existed and the sudden revelation was breathtaking.

Anne laughed softly beside her. “I do believe our very practical older sister has realized that she wants love, Georgie.”

Georgie’s eyes were brimming with tears. “Of course she does, she is not a fool.”

Oh, but she was.

Panic coursed through her and anxiety had her sitting up straight. What if she was too late? He may have given her until tonight to answer, but perhaps the damage had already been done.

She’d hurt him. Unintentionally, perhaps, but the end result was the same. He had laid himself out for her, making his feelings known. And what had she done?

She’d insulted his honor and his pride by suggesting that he would dishonor her with an affair. She had treated his genuine and noble intentions with disregard.

He had done nothing to deserve that sort of treatment. All he had done was be by her side, protect her and her silly reputation. He had made her laugh, at him and at herself. He had been willing to sacrifice everything for her and in return she had been cold and heartless.

Dropping her head into her hands, she let out a soft wail of dismay. “I have ruined everything.”

Her sisters gathered close. “Nonsense,” Anne said. “You have all the time in the world to make this right. The man still wants to marry you, doesn’t he? You’ll have every opportunity to tell him how you feel.”

She lifted her head, her gaze pleading. “But you don’t understand. I hurt him today. I can’t let him marry me without him knowing how I truly feel.”

Anne and Georgie exchanged a look of concern.

“Perhaps we can arrange for another meeting tomorrow morning,” Georgie suggested. “I could sneak away again and give you a moment alone before the wedding.”