A Rake's Ruin (Devilish Lords #1)(40)

Now, as the tense silence grew, she realized that she didn’t know how she wanted him to respond. A war waged within her, a fierce battle between her mind and her heart.

A businesslike agreement would be reasonable, rational…safe.

Safe for whom? Her heart seemed to taunt her as it ached for something more, something meaningful and real. A connection and emotions, the kind of fairytale love she’d never seen as a child and had never expected to experience.

If he agreed to this arrangement, she would never have the chance to experience it. She would kill off that possibility before they even had a chance. Maybe she already had killed that possibility merely by suggesting it.

But perhaps it was better to kill it now. Her heart would be safe.

Safe and alone.

She had worked herself into a state of such confusion and agony that when he finally shifted and cleared his throat, it took all her strength to keep from cutting him off. No! Forget what I said. I don’t want that, not really.

But she couldn’t say that because she wasn’t certain what she wanted. Perhaps these strange longings would pass. Perhaps her brain knew best and she should follow logic and reason.

Oh, she needed time. She needed space. But those were two things she could not have, not with a wedding set to occur the very next day.

He leaned forward so his elbows were on his knees. “First, let me say that I appreciate your honest forthrightness regarding how you see this marriage unfolding.”

His tone was all propriety and elegance, devoid of emotion. She noted the rigid way he held himself and the stiff, formal tone, so at odds with his usual easy, effortless charm. She shifted in her seat, dreading what was to come. Perhaps he’d realized a good bargain when he heard one. Maybe he was relieved that he could drop all romantic pretenses.

A sob rose up in her throat at that thought, but it was too late now. She had done this. The course had been set.

He stood before her and reached out to help her to her feet. Confused, she did as he bid and left her hand in his when he didn’t let go. They were standing so close she could feel his warmth, but that heat didn’t extend to his eyes, nor his smile. The smirk he wore was one she’d never seen before. It was rueful and sad.

She hated that smile.

“Now let me be clear,” he said. “It seems I have failed in my quest to win your heart, and for that I am immeasurably disappointed.”

His voice was so gruff with emotion it was hard to hear. The urge to weep made her throat close painfully. She wanted to protest but could not. Her mind was still reminding her that this was for the best. She had made a decision about her future and no silly infatuation would distract her.

And surely that was all this was, on his part, at least. And for her part? Was this just a silly infatuation?

Of course it was. Who wouldn’t harbor feelings when a man like Nicholas set himself to flatter and charm her? He was a notorious rake for a reason, after all.

Something hardened in his expression and he tugged her hand until she stumbled forward, tumbling into his arms. When he clutched her to him tightly, her heart threatened to leap from her chest with excitement and wanting.

She could feel the vibration of his low voice as he continued, his gaze never leaving hers. “As you were kind enough to be upfront with your expectations, let me be equally blunt. I want you, Claire Cleveland.”

She gasped, not just at his words but at the fire in his eyes. She saw desire and longing and an emotion so deep and heavy, she had no word for it.

Love, a little voice whispered.

She shook her head slightly to rid herself of that tantalizingly sweet voice. But he misconstrued her gesture.

“Do you not believe me?” Leaning in further, he stopped short just as his lips were to touch hers. She nearly moaned in despair for her body, at least, knew exactly what it wanted.

And it wanted this man. It needed his lips against hers just as it was relishing in the feel of his hard body pressed to hers.

“How can I prove it to you?” he asked, his voice little more than a whisper but filled with an urgency that made her tremble in response. “Tell me, how can I make you see that you are the woman I want to marry…the woman I want, in my bed and in my life? You are the woman I want at my side forever, not just until an heir has been sired.”

She blinked up at him, her throat too tight with too many emotions. She could barely breathe let alone speak. His words were physical blows, sneaking past the defenses she’d put in place all those years ago and striking her where she was most vulnerable.

Her heart.

He brought a hand up and touched her cheek, so softly it brought tears to her eyes at the tenderness, in his touch and in his eyes. The way he looked at her made her feel seen in a way she’d never been before. He saw the real Claire Cleveland…and he loved her. He hadn’t said the words yet, but they were there in his gaze. Passionate, beautiful, and absolutely terrifying.

He cupped her cheek in his palm and she parted her lips, certain that he would end this physical tension between them with a kiss. And oh, how she wanted that kiss. She ached for his touch, but she also longed to lose herself in a passionate embrace. One that would wash away the confusion and the heartache and give her sweet satisfaction instead.

But he pulled away with clear regret. “I want to kiss you right now, Claire. I want to hold you and never let go.”

So? She wanted to plead. Why don’t you?