A Cosmic Kind of Love(105)

All because it terrified me that I could lose her forever over this.

Six days had passed since Hallie walked out.

There had not been a word from her since, and every time the phone rang or my door buzzed, my heart jumped so hard in my chest it physically jolted me.

It was never her.

I could have called her. I wanted to so many times. But she said I made her feel like what she wanted didn’t matter. If she wanted this break, this torturous, hellish time apart, then that’s what I’d give her. No matter what it cost me.

The urge to escape to the Hamptons came over me every second of every hour of every day, but I couldn’t not be in the same place as Hallie. My hope was that she’d remember that I did know what I wanted—her. She’d see that things might have gotten blown out of proportion—that you didn’t take a break over an argument. You stayed and you worked it out. Together.

But now that we were on day six, I panicked that waiting for her to come around would only lead me to losing her for good. So, I’d called my aunt for advice, and it had ignited a fire under my ass.

“You’re waiting for her to come to you?” Aunt Richelle had asked with a tone I didn’t like after I relayed, almost word for word, the argument Hallie and I had six days ago.

“Yes.”

“But she broke up with you.”

“She said we’re taking a break. And it was said in the heat of the moment.”

“Was it?” She’d sounded alarmingly skeptical. “Because to me it sounds like she had some valid suspicions about your father and Darcy, and you made her feel like her feelings didn’t matter. So I’m thinking . . . she’s not coming back to apologize.”

The blood had rushed into my ears. “You think her suspicions are valid?”

“Chris,” my aunt had huffed. “Oh, sweetheart, I know you’ve been on the defense with Javier your whole life. I know you’ve been overwhelmed with revelations about his past and it’s made you see him differently. I get it. I do. But, Chris, look at the facts. Your father has interfered with your life in ways you know of and ways I’m sure we know nothing of. He ambushed Hallie at her job and threatened her.”

I’d flinched at the reminder.

“And while I know you think Darcy is sweet, that’s because, despite everything, you’re an optimist and you try to see the best in people. You get that from your mom. It’s how she ended up married to your father. But while Darcy surely has her good qualities, I never liked her for you. She’s spoiled and determined, and I do think it’s weird she chose you out of all her friends to be her confidant during her relationship crisis.”

Hearing my aunt say everything out loud, things Hallie had said but I’d disputed because I thought she was simply jealous, made me feel like the world’s biggest, most naive moron.

“Fuck.” I’d sank back into my couch, feeling a little light-headed. “I can’t have been that blind. Surely?”

“Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Hallie is wrong. But, Chris, out of Hallie, Darcy, and your father, which one of them has been nothing but honest, loyal, and supportive of you?”

Emotion had risen in a painful burn from my chest, and my vision blurred. “I’ve fucked up, haven’t I?”

“I think so. But it’s never too late to fix things.”

I had missed calls from Tom about the job, but I couldn’t think about that until I fixed things.

Because I was a fucking idiot for making Hallie Goodman feel like I wasn’t completely devoted to her.

I’d let my hope blind me to the facts. If Hallie, the one person who I trusted above all others, felt like she was being maneuvered out of my life, then there was substance in that, and I had to make her believe in me again.

In us.

Truth first, then Hallie.

I scrolled through the contacts on my phone and hit Dial, not sure she’d pick up at this time of day.

Three rings later, the call connected.

“Chris, hi, it’s so good to hear from you,” Darcy sounded in good spirits.

Impatient, I had no time for pleasantries. “I’m going to ask you something, and you owe me an honest answer.”

There was silence, then: “Okay. Are you all right?”

“Was it a coincidence . . . you attending my father’s award event alone? Turning up to our lunch last week?”

More silence. Finally she responded. “No.”

Shit. Hallie, I’m so sorry.

“Javier called me after Matthias and I broke things off. He told me that if I still had feelings for you, I should come to the event.”

“Jesus Christ.” My fucking fuck of a father!

For the first time, he’d outmaneuvered me. I was so blinded by my desperation to have some kind of relationship with him that I didn’t see him playing me.

“Chris, he just wants you to be happy, and so do I. I never meant it to become a manipulation. When your father texted where you were meeting for lunch, I got caught up in the idea of there being an us again.” Her tone hardened with determination. “We make sense, Chris. You and I.”

“No, we don’t,” I replied as softly as I could manage, considering the fury I felt toward my father right now. “There will never be a you and me again, even if there weren’t a Hallie and me. You cheated on me, Darcy.”