A Cosmic Kind of Love(102)
He smirked at me. “How do you know those stats?”
Fury flamed through me. “This isn’t a joke!”
Chris gritted his teeth and took a deep breath before answering. “I don’t want to stand here and yell. That’s not the relationship I want to be in. I’ve told you, nothing is going on.”
“Then where are you?” I lowered my voice, taking a step closer to him. “I can feel you pulling away from me.”
He shook his head in disbelief. “That’s not true. You have no idea how much I think about you all the time. I’m here.”
His words were pretty, but they didn’t match his actions. I said as much and continued, “Before you, I would have just let it go. I would have shoved down this feeling and pretended like it wasn’t happening. Like you weren’t pushing at all my insecurities.” But he and Althea and even Lia helped me learn to stand up and do what’s best for me too. “Staying quiet in this relationship while you pull away and have secret lunches with your ex-girlfriend makes me feel bad about myself. I don’t want to be in a relationship that feels like this one does. It’s horrible.”
Chris stared at me in disbelief. “Hallie . . . I didn’t invite her, she just showed up in the same spot. As for the pulling away”—he took a step toward me—“I’m not pulling away. I got offered a job in Houston as a mission specialist for NASA. They offered it to me three weeks ago, and I only have a week left to give them my answer before the offer expires.”
Renewed hurt and confusion filled me. And definitely anxiety too. Was he leaving New York? “And how come you haven’t told me anything about that?”
“I wasn’t sure I wanted the job, and I didn’t see any point in bringing our future up for discussion until I thought more about whether the job was something I really wanted. It’s a lot for you to consider. For us to discuss. Whether we’d do long-distance or . . . I didn’t want to throw that at you unless I was seriously considering it.”
“But how can you ever make a fully informed decision unless we discuss it? I mean, I would never stand in the way of what you wanted.” Tears filled my eyes. “But if we’re serious about each other, then surely that’s a factor in whether you want the job. I don’t think you can separate the two. You should have trusted me enough to handle it.”
He huffed at my accusation, shaking his head. “It wasn’t about not trusting you. I didn’t want to burden you with the worry until I had a better handle on it. Besides, you’re one to talk about trust. What about trusting me with Darcy?”
My patience snapped, and all the ugly suspicions I had just spewed out before I could stop them. “You cannot believe her turning up to lunch today was a coincidence? That her being at your father’s event is a coincidence? That her calling you, of all people, while she was breaking things off with Matthias is a coincidence? She wants you back, Chris!” I ignored how furious his reaction made me—shaking his head like I was crazy. “And I think your father is helping facilitate a reunion.”
There. I said it.
A muscle ticked in Chris’s jaw as he glared at me. “You can’t possibly think that.”
Heart pounding, I felt him slip further and further away with each word, but I couldn’t stop them. “He came to my office and made it clear I wasn’t good enough for you. He threatened me. He’s tried to control your life before, so, no, I don’t think it’s impossible that he and Darcy are colluding to get you back. I know, despite your dad, that you didn’t grow up in that world. But I plan events for one-percenters all the time, and it is like nothing you can imagine. The social politics, the scheming. Everything is about making the right connections. Everything is a business. Even love. This is the kind of shit they pull. And if you’re with Darcy, you’re exactly where your father wants you. Ever since we got together though, you’ve been kind of a wild card for him.”
Chris took a step toward me, and I flinched at the hurt in his eyes. “You know . . . you know what it means to me that my father is trying to have a relationship with me. I don’t expect him to change overnight, but I believe he is trying.”
The tears came, and I couldn’t stop them this time. I looked away, swiping at my face with shaking hands as they fell quickly. Too many to catch.
Skirting past him, forcing down the sobs that wanted to rip out of me, I grabbed my purse and then shoved my feet into my heels.
“Where are you going?” he asked, sounding dejected.
Finally I met his gaze across the room. I’d known it all along.
It had been too good to be true.
“I can’t do this, Chris,” I choked out.
“Because of Darcy.” He stepped toward me looking desperate. “I told you, I was going to tell you about the lunch as soon as I saw you.”
“Maybe. But even though I get why you thought it best to keep the job offer from me, you were wrong. You should have shared that with me instead of making me feel like something else was going on. And the weirdness, the distance between us, made me so insecure, which I hate! Now I tell you I have a problem with Darcy and with your father, and you’re not willing to hear it. Which says to me that my feelings don’t matter—”
“That’s not true.”
“But it feels true. And I’ve just gotten out of that place with my parents. Caught in the middle, unsteady, uncertain, and trying to make everyone else feel okay and no one giving a shit if I do.”