A Cosmic Kind of Love(100)

“So when you were standing there with your arms around another woman, your ex-girlfriend, and she’s not only got her arms around you but her hand on your fucking stomach, it didn’t occur to you, this might hurt Hallie? Or were you too busy caring for another woman’s feelings to think about mine?” I held back the tears that shook my voice because I refused to let him see me cry over this.

My so-called boyfriend squeezed his eyes closed as if he were in pain. When he opened them, they were heavy with remorse. “Fuck. Hallie . . . I’m sorry. I really wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry.” He crossed the room to pull me into his arms, and while I let him, I didn’t return his embrace. There was stubble on his cheeks, and it scratched as he covered my face and mouth in kisses. “Please forgive me for being an inconsiderate asshole?”

It was hard to let go of the fury and resentment that had taken over my body all day, but as he murmured apologies repeatedly, I began to slowly melt, calming myself down.

I didn’t want to fight with Chris.

It was the worst feeling in the world.

And as much as the still simmering hurt inside me made me want to yell at him some more, I read the truth in his eyes, and I believed him. “Okay,” I whispered against his mouth. “I forgive you.”

He clasped my face in his hands, his gaze intense and heated. “I would never want you to get hurt like this. And you’re right. Another woman shouldn’t have her arms around me like that, because I wouldn’t like it if the situation were reversed. There was nothing in it, just two friends who are comfortable with each other, but I won’t let it happen again. I promise. But I also caught the comment about me lying.” Frustration tightened Chris’s features. “I promised I never would again, and I meant it.”

I sank into him with a weary sigh. “You’re right. All the texts and calls and pitying messed with my head today.”

“Shit.” Chris hauled me against his chest, hugging me tightly. “I’m so sorry.” He kissed my temple. “Hey, let’s go somewhere really public and have sex there. That’ll put an end to the speculation.”

I giggled, so relieved I could cry. “Ooh, what about the Met?”

“Think it’s been done before,” he joked.

Laughing, I buried my head deeper against his chest. Breathing him in, I allowed myself to let go of all the poison that had slipped into my emotions today. “I just get scared about us,” I admitted softly. “About losing you. I like you a lot, you know.”

His biceps flexed reflexively around me. “You love me,” he corrected. “And I love you. Everything is . . . everything is heightened right now. But we’ll settle into the feelings.”

I smiled at his usual wisdom and decided it was too reassuring not to believe him.

If only love were really that simple.





THIRTY-NINE





Chris


My father stood up from the table in the hotel restaurant, and I marveled when he greeted me with, “It’s good to see you, son.”

“You too.” I tried not to look as surprised as I felt.

First the award ceremony and now lunch. He’d also called me twice since the award ceremony “just to talk.”

He was trying.

This side of him was the side Miguel always got. The father who was interested in him beyond what he could do to enhance our family’s reputation. My whole life, as much as I’d adored my brother, it had hurt to live within his shadow and to not know why there’d been such a vast difference in the way my father treated him to the way he’d treated me.

Sometimes I wondered if it was because I’d always been closer to my mother, and he’d thought trying would be the equivalent to competing for affection. I’d asked my therapist, and she’d said there was no way of knowing without asking.

One day I would.

Just not today.

The revelation about my grandparents had changed something between my father and me, and I wanted to do what I could to make sure the change was a good one.

We ordered lunch, and my father asked, “How is your young woman?”

“Hallie. She’s well.”

“The event-management company she works for . . . It would seem it’s very successful.”

“Yeah. They have a lot of high-profile clients. Hallie’s job is extremely involved, much harder than people give credit for, and she handles the pressure with so much grace. She has fantastic instincts and cares about her job. I’m proud of her and what she’s achieved in her career.”

He nodded. “And I’m sure the feeling is mutual. Speaking of, have you thought any more about your future?”

I tensed.

“No pressure,” my father insisted. “No judgment. Just a discussion. And the offer to help if I can. I just want you to succeed and be happy, Christopher.”

Though he’d been increasingly congenial lately, it still took me aback.

“Thank you. I’m considering the offer from NASA.”

“Good.” He looked relieved. “Excellent. When do you need to get back to them with a decision?”

“I have some time,” I replied vaguely.

His lips pinched together, a telltale sign he wasn’t pleased with my answer. I waited for him to revert to character and say something condescending.