Midnight Sun (Twilight #1.5)(69)

I knew that I could trust her with protecting my secrets; she was entirely trustworthy, good to the core. But I couldn't trust her not to be horrified by them. She should be horrified. The truth was horror.

"But she's not normal, remember?" Jacob said.

"You want him to tell me, too," Bella said.

"You're right, I'm so over this part where he thinks how horrified you should be," Jacob said.

"I don't know if I have a choice anymore," I murmured. I remembered that I'd once teased her by calling her 'exceptionally unobservant.' Offended her, if I'd been judging her expressions correctly. Well, I could right that one injustice, at least. "I was wrong - you're much more observant than I gave you credit for." And, though she might not realize it, I'd given her plenty of credit already. She missed nothing.

Bella smiled at that.

"I thought you were always right," she said, smiling as she teased me.

Both Bella and Jacob laughed at that.

"He'll have to change that now," Jacob laughed even harder. "He's always right except when it comes to you."

"I used to be." I used to know what I was doing. I used to be always sure of my course. And now everything was chaos and tumult.

Yet I wouldn't trade it. I didn't want the life that made sense. Not if the chaos meant that I could be with Bella.

"I was wrong about you on one other thing as well," I went on, setting the record straight on another point. "You're not a magnet for accidents - that's not a broad enough classification. You are a magnet for trouble. If there is anything dangerous within a ten mile radius, it will invariably find you."

"You didn't really need to set the record straight on that one," Bella groaned and Jacob chuckled at her reaction.

Why her? What had she done to deserve any of this?

Bella's face turned serious again. "And you put yourself into that category?"

Honesty was more important in regards to this question than any other.

"Unequivocally."

"What's the matter with saying yes?" Jacob rolled his eyes.

"It wouldn't be Edward," Bella shrugged with a smile.

Her eyes narrowed slightly - not suspicious now, but oddly concerned. She reached her hand across the table again, slowly and deliberately. I pulled my hands an inch away from her, but she ignored that, determined to touch me. I held my breath - not because of her scent now, but because of the sudden, overwhelming tension. Fear. My skin would disgust her. She would run away.

Bella really hoped that this would be the last time she had to hear that.

She brushed her fingertips lightly across the back of my hand. The heat of her gentle, willing touch was like nothing I'd ever felt before. It was almost pure pleasure.

"Wow... look what a simple touch does to you," Jacob laughed as Bella blushed a little.

Would have been, except for my fear. I watched her face as she felt the cold stone of my skin, still unable to breathe.

A half-smile turned up the corners of her lips.

"Thank you," she said, meeting my stare with an intense gaze of her own. "That's twice now."

Her soft fingers lingered on my hand as if they found it pleasant to be there.

I answered her as casually as I was able. "Let's not try for three, agreed?"

Jacob and Bella groaned at that; that just seemed to suggest something else was going to happen.

She grimaced at that, but nodded.

I pulled my hands out from under hers. As exquisite as her touch felt, I wasn't going to wait for the magic of her tolerance to pass, to turn to revulsion. I hid my hands under the table.

I read her eyes; though her mind was silent, I could perceive both trust and wonder there. I realized in that moment that I wanted to answer her questions. Not because I owed it to her. Not because I wanted her to trust me.

I wanted her to know me.

Bella really smiled when she read this. In some ways this had more of an effect on her than when he had said that he loved her, for now she could see that he really was trusting her... opening up to her. She really liked that.

"I followed you to Port Angeles," I told her, the words spilling out too quickly for me to edit them. I knew the danger of the truth, the risk I was taking. At any moment, her unnatural calm could shatter into hysterics. Contrarily, knowing this only had me talking faster. "I've never tried to keep a specific person alive before and it's much more troublesome than I would have believed. But that's probably just because it's you. Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so many catastrophes."

I watched her, waiting.

She smiled. Her lips curved up at the edges, and her chocolate eyes warmed.

I'd just admitted to stalking her, and she was smiling.

"Weirdo," Jacob shook his head. "He's stalking you!"

"I know," Bella said.

"That doesn't creep you out at all?" Jacob questioned.

"Not when he's telling me the truth for the first time," Bella said.

"Did you ever think that maybe my number was up that first time, with the van, and that you've been interfering with fate?" she asked.

"Don't say that," Jacob shivered.

"Sorry," Bella sighed.