Letting Go (Surrender Trilogy #1)(87)

“Bullshit,” he bit out. “Don’t kill yourself getting your stuff. I’m out of here. You’ll have the day to do whatever the hell it is you want to do.”

With that he strode to the closet, yanking out pants and a shirt, not bothering with a shower. He needed to get out before he said or did worse. Before he did something really stupid like get on his knees and beg her forgiveness. Like telling her it didn’t matter if he could never have all of her, that he’d take whatever she had to give. He’d once thought that he could be satisfied with any part of her. Any part at all. He’d thought that something was better than nothing.

He was wrong.

He couldn’t—wouldn’t—settle for anything less than one hundred percent of her.

Joss maintained her composure only until Dash slammed out of the house and then she fell to her knees, burying her face in her hands as sobs tore from her throat.

How could he love her and say all the horrible things he’d said? She’d been so careful not to put Carson between them. Since they’d gotten together she’d stopped mentioning Carson at all. When before they talked easily about a man they both loved. Now? It was as if Carson never existed because they never brought him up.

Dash didn’t trust her. She’d been right. For all he demanded of her, he hadn’t given her the same in return. It wasn’t fair. She’d given him everything. Her trust. Her love. Her submission. And he’d vowed to cherish that gift. To protect her. And yet he’d torn her apart with bitter, careless words.

There was no going back. No undoing what had been said. His words rang in her ears, would always ring in her ears. No amount of wishing would make their memory go away.

She had to get out. Couldn’t stay here a minute longer. She frantically began stuffing her belongings in her suitcases and went about systematically ridding the entire house of her presence.

But the things Dash had bought her, gifts, jewelry, clothing? She left it all neatly piled on his bed so he would see it when he returned and know she didn’t take a damn thing with her. She didn’t want it. She couldn’t be bought. Not when she’d been willing to give him everything freely and without conditions.

She fumbled with her cell phone, punching Chessy’s number in with shaking fingers. She needed a shoulder to cry on. Needed someone who would understand the turmoil she was going through.

“Hey, girlfriend. How’s it going? Did you tell Dash the big news?”

A low sob welled from her throat.

“Joss? What the hell is wrong? Are you crying? What’s happened? Where are you? Are you all right?” Chessy demanded.

“I need you,” Joss choked out. “Are you home? Can I come over?”

“Of course, honey. I’m here. But you sound so upset. Where are you? I’ll come get you.”

“No,” Joss said in a low voice. “I’ll come to you. I’ll explain everything when I get there. Give me half an hour, okay?”

“I’ll be here,” Chessy said firmly. “Be careful, Joss. And when you get here I want to know exactly what happened, and you don’t leave a word out.”

Joss agreed and then ended the call. She made another sweep of the house, making sure she hadn’t overlooked anything. And then she made three trips, hauling her luggage out to her car.

When the last suitcase was stuffed into the passenger seat, she turned and stared back at Dash’s house one last time. A house she’d considered her home for a brief, beautiful period of time. Now? It represented hell.

She pulled out of Dash’s neighborhood driving much too fast. She eased off the accelerator, not wanting to be reckless and take unnecessary risks. She pounded the wheel in frustration when an accident ahead backed traffic up. She turned onto another street, intending to cut over and drive around the park. It was longer, but with the slowdown in traffic, it would take her the same amount of time, and she wouldn’t be stuck in stop-and-go traffic.

She just wanted to be at Chessy’s, where she could pour out her grief to someone who loved her. It felt as if the rug had been yanked from underneath her and she supposed it had. After a night when the future had seemed so utterly perfect, it was now a gaping, yawning black hole stretching as far as the eye could see.

She didn’t see the child dart into the street chasing a ball until it was too late. Horrified that she could hurt or kill the little girl, she yanked the steering wheel as hard as she could, not even having time to slam on the brakes.

She hit the curb hard enough to blow out her front tire, and as she looked up, she saw the sprawling oak tree dead ahead. There was nothing she could do. Her tiny convertible hit the tree with a sickening crunch of metal and the sharp sound of shattering glass. Her head slammed forward as the air bags exploded in her face. Pain registered and as she blinked, blood slid down her forehead, clouding her vision.

She wondered if she’d live just as she blacked out and floated away in a sea of nothingness.

TWENTY-NINE

DASH stared broodingly out his office window and replayed the morning’s events over and over. Had he overreacted? Part of him said yeah. The other part, the practical, unemotional part, said no, that he’d been right to be angry. And certainly he had no right to lash out at her like that, to hurt her so badly.

But damn it, enough was enough. What should have been the best night of his entire life, the culmination of an impossible dream, had ended in his worst nightmare. Maybe it had always been an impossibility. Perhaps Joss wasn’t ready—would never be ready—to let go.