Letting Go (Surrender Trilogy #1)(91)

“Him and what goddamn army?” Dash said frigidly.

“I’ll call security if I have to,” Tate said in a low voice. “You aren’t helping, Dash. Look at her. Take a good look at what you’ve done. She’s in tears and she’s hurting. Stop being such a selfish bastard and for once do the right thing and leave.”

Joss’s face was turned away as though she didn’t want Dash to see her tears. But how could he miss them? Trailing down her cheeks in silent, silver trails. His gut clenched and grief overwhelmed him. Not even Carson’s death had devastated him as much as Joss lying there, hurt, grieving. Because of him.

He’d sworn never to be a source of pain or anguish to her. And yet he’d done just that. He was the reason she was lying in a hospital bed, bloody, with broken bones and bruises. And he didn’t know if he’d ever get over that.

“I’ll go,” he said, barely able to keep his own tears at bay. “But I’m not giving up, Joss. You may have thought I did, but I didn’t. I was an ass. I was a complete bastard to you, but I swear if you’ll give me the chance, I’ll make it up to you. I’ll make it right between us, honey.”

She didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge his heartfelt declaration. She kept her eyes tightly shut as Chessy hugged and soothed her.

“I’ll call Kylie,” Dash murmured. “She’ll want to be here. She loves you. I love you, Joss.”

At that, Joss turned, fire in her eyes. “Never say that again,” she said hoarsely. “It’s not like you to lie, Dash. You’ve always been honest. Painfully so. So don’t change now.”

Dash pushed past a protesting Tate and leaned in so he could look Joss in the eye.

“I have never lied to you, darling. And I don’t intend to start now. I said and did some horrible things. I hurt you and I’ll never forgive myself for that. But I love you. I’ve loved you for f**king ever. That will never change. I’ll go because it’s what you want. And I’ll give you time to recover. But goddamn it, Joss, I’m not giving up on us. And I won’t let you either.”

“You never gave us a chance,” she said in an achingly sad, forlorn voice.

It cut him to the quick and left him without a response. He stepped back from her bed and slowly, painfully turned to walk out the door.

She was wrong. She was right and she was wrong. He may not have given them a chance before, but he wasn’t giving up. He’d move heaven and earth and go to hell and back if that’s what it took to make her his forever.

THIRTY-ONE

JOSS stared sightlessly from the window of the guest bedroom where she was staying—and recovering—at Chessy’s house. Kylie was by every day after work, worried about her. Both her friends were concerned, as was Tate. Not about her injuries. They were minor and would mend with time. Her heart was another matter.

The pain was back, throbbing in the background, but she lacked the energy to get up to down one of the painkillers the doctor had prescribed. She’d fractured two ribs and her left arm. Her arm had only suffered a hairline fracture, not a complete break. She’d be out of the cast in four weeks.

Her head had struck something—she still wasn’t sure what—and she had several stitches for a laceration on her scalp. She had facial bruising, and the rest of her body was sore from the impact. Her neck was stiff, a mild case of whiplash, but the doctor had cheerfully informed her she was a very lucky woman.

So why didn’t she feel lucky? Why hadn’t Carson been as fortunate as she? Why was fate such a fickle bitch as Dash had once described it? Why was she alive and Carson dead?

It wasn’t as though she’d wanted to die. No matter what Dash may have originally thought. Yes, it was certainly her fault, and she thanked God on a daily basis that her carelessness hadn’t cost a child her life. But she hadn’t intentionally driven into that tree.

She should have let Chessy come and get her like she’d offered. She should have never been behind the wheel of a car in the emotional state she’d been in. Live and learn. At least she had lived to learn that particular lesson.

“Joss?”

Chessy’s soft voice came from behind her but Joss couldn’t turn. She still hurt too much so she waited for Chessy to enter.

Her friend’s concerned face appeared a moment later and she saw that Chessy was holding a glass of water and the bottle of painkillers. It shamed her that she was relieved she didn’t have to get up to get them.

“Are you hurting?” Chessy asked in concern.

Joss nodded. “I couldn’t muster the energy to get up and get them. Thank you.”

Chessy frowned and shook out two of the pills, dropping them into Joss’s right hand. After giving her the glass of water to swallow them, she sat down on the ottoman at Joss’s feet.

“I’m worried about you, sweetie. Tate and I both are. Hell, so is Kylie. She’s on her way over, by the way. I thought I’d warn you. She sounds . . . determined. I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t plan to kick your ass.”

Joss smiled. “I love you both. Tate too. You’ve been so good to me. I’m being a complete baby. There’s no reason I can’t go back to my own house, but I appreciate you letting me stay here. I just haven’t wanted to be . . . alone.”

“Oh, honey, I understand.” Sympathy shone brightly in Chessy’s eyes. “And you can stay here as long as you like. Tate’s been so busy with work that he hasn’t been home much in the last weeks. Is it horrible of me that I’ve been happy that since your accident he’s been around more? Oh God, don’t answer that. It is horrible of me to think, much less say.”