Letting Go (Surrender Trilogy #1)(93)

“Maybe you’re right,” Chessy said with a sigh. “Maybe I should just talk to him. But I freeze every time I think I’m going to ask. The words just stay locked in my throat because I know it will hurt him if I ask him if there’s someone else. And the thing is, if nothing is wrong except that he’s occupied with work, my doubt will cause a rift in our relationship that I’m not sure will ever mend.”

Joss grimaced, knowing Chessy could very well be right. Tate would be horrified if he knew Chessy thought he was having an affair. He might not forgive her doubting him even for a moment. Tate was rigid that way. He was an extremely honorable man and he was utterly protective of Chessy. If someone else was hurting her, Tate would do whatever was necessary to make it end. But what if he was the one hurting her? What then?

“Maybe you should just give it a while. Be patient and understanding. Love him. Show him your love and support and perhaps when things die down a bit at work and he’s more confident that he has everything under control, things will get better,” Joss quietly advised.

Chessy squeezed her hand again. “Thank you. I came up here to check on you and to cheer you up. Not to dump all my woes on you.”

Joss smiled. “I love you and I’d kick your ass if you ever didn’t come to me with whatever is bothering you. You and Kylie are my best friends. That won’t ever change.”

“Speaking of Kylie, there she is,” Chessy said brightly, looking beyond Joss to the doorway. Then she cast Joss a quick pleading look not to bring up the subject in front of Kylie.

Kylie was more of a direct, confrontational person, and if she even thought Tate was cheating on Chessy, she’d go straight to the source and kick his ass.

Joss squeezed Chessy’s hand back, a silent promise to keep their conversation secret.

“Hey, Joss,” Kylie said, coming over to hug her, though she was careful not to hug too tight. “How are you feeling today?”

“Better now that my personal nurse brought me the pain medication I was too lazy to get up and get for myself,” Joss said dryly.

Kylie smiled and plopped down on the ottoman beside Chessy. Her gaze swept over Joss as if judging for herself how her sister-in-law fared.

“How’s work?” Joss asked brightly, and then fearing it would be an invitation for Kylie to talk about Dash, she quickly amended her statement. “How are things with Jensen? Are you two getting along okay now?”

Kylie made a face. “He’s an overbearing, rigid ass.”

Chessy laughed. “Sweetie, you just described half the male population, Tate and Dash included.”

Joss flinched but refused to show any outward emotion over the mention of Dash’s name.

“Dash is a walking corpse,” Kylie said bluntly. “The man hasn’t slept since your accident. I don’t even know why he bothers coming in and going through the motions. Jensen’s had to pick up all the slack, as have I, because he’s worthless.”

Joss closed her eyes, pain swamping through her that even the strongest medication couldn’t ease. He’d called her a dozen times a day and each time she’d let it go to voice mail. It made her a coward, but she wasn’t prepared to deal with him now. Maybe ever.

He texted her, e-mailed her and he came to Chessy’s at least once a day, asking to see her. Each time either Tate or Chessy had told him that she was in her room sleeping. A lie. One he’d easily see through but she didn’t want to see him. Maybe ever.

He was absolutely relentless but then she knew that about him. But he’d gotten what he’d said he most wanted. She’d given him everything. She hadn’t asked him to change who and what he was because he was what she wanted. She’d wanted his dominance, his control, but more than that, she wanted his love and his trust.

Maybe she hadn’t wanted that in the beginning. She hadn’t believed she could ever find a love to match what she’d had with Carson. But Dash had fulfilled her in a way she’d never been fulfilled with Carson, and that hurt to admit. It hurt even more that she’d lost that.

She’d found perfection twice in a lifetime, and both times she’d lost it all. How was she supposed to recover from that again?

“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered, pain evident in her voice. “He doesn’t trust me. How can he say he loves me when he doesn’t trust me? Do you know what he accused me of?”

Both women shook their heads. Joss hadn’t told them what Dash had said to her in the hospital. The pain from that accusation had yet to fade in the four days she’d been at Chessy’s house. Hiding.

“He accused me of trying to kill myself. He asked if I’d purposely driven my car into that tree hoping to die.”

Chessy and Kylie both sucked in their breaths but thankfully neither held question in their eyes. They didn’t believe it. Thank God. She couldn’t bear it if her dearest friends also harbored doubts as to her mental stability.

“He thought that life without Carson was so unbearable that I chose to join him in death.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Chessy said, her voice aching with sympathy and pain. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it. You scared him. And after your argument he likely felt horribly guilty. He felt responsible for your accident because he upset you so badly.”

“He lashed out at you because the alternative was accepting the blame for what happened,” Kylie said quietly.