Giving In (Surrender Trilogy #2)(23)

Baby steps, she reminded herself.

“So you’ll be gone Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday,” she said lightly. “I believe I can hold the fort down while you’re gone.”

“Oh, I know that much,” Jensen said, his tone serious. “But damn it, I wanted you with me.”

Kylie’s eyes widened as finally the reason for his irritation became clear. He hadn’t wanted to leave her behind and yet they had no choice. They didn’t employ a full staff, though Kylie had been after them to hire one or two more office assistants. For that matter, both men needed personal assistants. Employees who would travel with them, work side by side with them and take care of personal as well as professional matters.

Kylie’s job was to manage the office. Ensure that everything ran smoothly, that things got done on time and accounts receivable were kept up to date. But she acted as a personal assistant to both men instead of just an office manager, and they definitely kept her on her toes. There was enough work for two more employees but neither man seemed to have any interest in taking on anyone else. They claimed to like the job Kylie did for them and seemed content with the services she provided.

She made a mental note to ask for a raise if one wasn’t automatically given in her annual performance review, which was coming up in just a few weeks. She deserved it. The old Kylie would have never rocked the boat. Continued to take the same pay and not complain when she took on more of a workload. Anything to keep peace and to keep away from conflict.

The new Kylie? Knew she was worth more than what her paycheck reflected. Not that either man ever took her for granted. She felt appreciated. Both men went out of their way to tell her she was doing a good job and that they couldn’t manage without her.

The new Kylie was going to be crisp and efficient and ballsy. She was going to ask for a raise. And not a small one.

She had goals just like everyone else did. She wanted a new house, one not in the same neighborhood as Dash, Joss, Tate and Chessy. Jensen lived just a mile away in another upscale gated community. It was time for her to break free. To not be so dependent on the people around her and for them to constantly have to baby her.

Kylie felt like a fraud living where she did. Carson had insisted that she live near him. Where he could look in on her, protect her. Just like he’d always done. And she’d failed him when he’d needed her most. It should have been her. Not him. He had Joss. Someone who loved him and whom he had adored beyond reason. Kylie had no one. Just Carson, and by extension Joss.

It should have been her.

It had nothing to do with a death wish. Not since she’d been a little girl and had that awful moment when she’d considered that she’d be alone, protected, away from the violence and turmoil of her everyday life if only she gave in and took the easy way out, had she given any serious consideration to giving up and ending her life.

“What the hell is going through your mind?” Jensen muttered.

She glanced guiltily in his direction, knowing she wasn’t giving him the attention he deserved as her employer. Heat scorched her cheeks. Shame. That she’d even dwelled on those awful moments in the past.

“Nothing worth repeating,” she said honestly.

Jensen shook his head. “One of these days, you’re going to trust me enough to share those dark thoughts you seem to have on a regular basis. You may think you hide them from the world, and maybe you do, but not from me. I see past the practiced façade, Kylie. And I don’t want that to alarm you. I want you to trust in the fact that I will never hurt you. I’ll never do anything to cause you pain.”

She swallowed and nodded, not knowing what else to do. How could she explain that some things just weren’t meant to be shared? Even if he thought he knew about her past, there was no way for him to know it all. Because no one did. Not even Carson.

“Everything will be fine,” she said calmly. “You’ll go seal the deal with S&G and I’ll keep things running here at the office. Dash will be back in a week. He and I used to run the office ourselves, so I’m certainly capable of running things alone while you’re away.”

“That’s not the point,” he said patiently. “You deserve this, Kylie. It should be you going. Not me.”

She paled, shaking her head in instant denial. “I appreciate the opportunity. I appreciate your confidence in me, Jensen. But you did enough. You let me help with the proposal. That’s enough. I wouldn’t feel comfortable presenting to the higher-ups. That’s your specialty. Not mine. No way I want the responsibility of us losing a contract like this because I’m not experienced enough to pull it off.”

His eyes warmed with understanding and gave her that peculiar shiver she experienced every time he looked at her like that.

“We’ll get you there, baby. Maybe not right now, but in time definitely. I plan to have a long talk with Dash when he returns about your position in this company.”

Her eyes widened. A protest was already forming on her lips but Jensen shushed her with a look.

“You aren’t changing my mind on this.”

Her lips curved into a rueful smile. “All I was going to ask for was a raise—a big one—at my next performance review. I’m afraid that would have used up all my assertiveness for at least a year.”

Jensen chuckled. “You’ll get your raise, and if I have any say, a promotion will come with it. Which means we’ll be in the market for another office manager, because if you’re going to be working more closely with me and Dash, you won’t have time to juggle everything else.”