Forbidden Falls (Virgin River #9)(46)

“Why would she leave you her child?”

Paul shrugged. “The lawyer said she thought I was a good person. In a stable marriage…”

“You call this stable?” Vanessa asked, trying to control her voice, trying not to cry. “Oh, Paul…Is this really your child and you lied to me?”

“No, Vanni, I’ve never lied to you about anything. She’s not mine. But I told you a long time ago, I offered to help Terri. I told her if she ever needed anything, she could get in touch with me through the Grants Pass company, through my family. I did that because I felt bad for her. And we did have a relationship. Not one I’m real proud of, but we did. It turns out she died without anybody able or willing to take on this child. The grandmother’s sick, the grandfather’s absent, and there’s no family.”

“And you told her you’d be there for her?” Vanni asked.

“Yeah, well, I really expected her to call if she was a little short of cash or something….”

“Why did you bring her home, Paul? Without talking to me first?”

Paul stiffened a little and firmed his jaw. “Because I didn’t know what else to do. The lawyer who Terri worked for, who did her will and trust, he and his wife are fond of her and have been taking care of her, but they’re grandparents and they’ve already raised four kids. Honest to God, if he’d asked to keep her, I would have walked away, knowing she was in good hands. But he’s not up to it, Vanni. And she’s not a stray puppy. She’s a living, breathing person.”

Vanni scooted forward on the sofa. “What about her biological father?”

“He doesn’t want her,” Paul said, instinctively pulling Hannah protectively closer. “We should talk about this, think about it, and if it’s not possible for us, if it’s not the best thing all around, Mr. Hanson will help us find a loving home for her. But I think we should at least try. We can talk about it and try it out a little bit.”

“Why? Did you maybe care about that woman a lot more than you told me?”

He took a breath. “I don’t care if this makes sense or not, but Terri entrusted this child to me. To my care. And she was a friend. And she’s dead. And this little girl has no one. No one, Vanessa.” He stared at his wife. “As a favor to me, will you at least think about the possibility?”

“What about a child of our own? What about that?”

“Is that out of the question? Because you said you wanted a houseful. You’re wonderful at it.”

“Paul, are you clueless? She’s what—about nine months? Ten? Mattie’s eighteen months. I had my IUD removed! I could have another one in nine months! You don’t just bring home a baby under a year old and say, ‘Here—add one more in diapers!’ How wonderful do you think any woman can be at this?”

Right on cue, Hannah lifted her little hand in the air toward Vanessa and said, “Ma! Ma, Ma, Ma!”

“Oh, God,” Vanessa said. And tears rolled down her cheeks because she didn’t want to turn her back on this little girl any more than Paul did, but the enormity of the task was overwhelming. And the fact that the baby was Terri’s didn’t make it easier.

“I couldn’t just walk away without even trying,” Paul said.

Vanessa shook her head. “How can you love and hate the same thing about a man?” she asked quietly.

“Huh?”

“I love that you’re so sensitive, so giving,” she said just above a whisper. “But do you have any idea what you’ve done? I don’t want your ex-girlfriend’s child to raise and I still can’t let you take her away now!”

“I’ll help. I’ll get you some help.”

“We’re not doing that well financially. Building in Virgin River is barely getting off the ground.”

“There’s a little money for her care,” Paul said. “But I don’t want to touch that while you’re still thinking about it…”

“While I’m still thinking about it?” she asked, sitting forward a little. “Paul, you’ve made up your mind, haven’t you?”

He hated that—how she could read him before he even had a chance to open his stupid mouth and put his foot in it. He shrugged and said, “I’ve gotten to know her a little bit. And I don’t want her to be all alone.” He bounced her on his knee. “I’ll work out the money thing. It’s not critical yet. We’ll be all right. Business is fine.”

“Oh, Paul,” she said, and tears fell from her eyes. She blinked her eyes closed and shook her head. “Why couldn’t you have at least talked to me first?”

He looked down at Hannah. “You would have said the sensible thing,” he said. “The thing I should’ve been strong enough and smart enough to say. That this was a bad idea.”

“And what would you have done then, Paul? What would you do if I said that while we talk about this and think about this, she can’t stay here?”

“As God is my witness, Vanessa, I don’t have the first idea.”

Paul unloaded the back of his truck while Hannah sat in the playpen with Mattie. At least there was no problem there—Mattie was a real easygoing kid and he took to her instantly. Vanessa stood guard in case there were any bad manners. Paul set up the crib but left everything else to put away later. Then he put Hannah back in the car seat and drove into town, hoping to catch Mel and Cameron at the clinic before they left for the day.