Forbidden Falls (Virgin River #9)(41)

“Look, it’s not my business…You don’t have to—”

“I drove him crazy, trying for a baby. Then I was getting into my late thirties, it wasn’t happening and I wanted to adopt a baby, but he wouldn’t even talk about it. He was adamant. I’ve never really understood. Oh—he tried to get me to understand that the whole idea of raising someone else’s child just didn’t work for him, and he was getting older and ready to give up on the idea. He was happy without kids. At least happy enough. The truth is, I’ve never forgiven him for that. For depriving me of that one chance to raise children.”

Ellie reached for her hand and just held it for a minute. Finally, in a very soft voice, she said, “Jo, that was a long time ago. Can’t you work through that now?”

“I gave working through it a serious try—for a couple of years I was a foster parent. And it should come as no surprise, within five minutes I was attached to the children I kept. And the ones I got weren’t easy kids, either, which almost proved Nick’s point. Then I was depressed when they left.” She laughed a little and averted her eyes. When she looked back at Ellie, she said, “These things get so complicated. I was angry, he was confused by my anger and maybe hurt by it, I was unforgiving and cold toward him, he didn’t treat our marriage with the same respect…It didn’t take long for us to fall into a routine where we get along, but there’s nothing special between us anymore. There hasn’t been for twenty years. We keep separate bedrooms.”

And he flirts and gropes, Ellie thought. “Oh, man,” Ellie said.

“Don’t feel sorry for me,” Jo said. “I couldn’t stand it. Now,” she said, brightening purposefully. “There’s still plenty of time in my life to enjoy friends and their children! If you feel like spending a Saturday just hanging around here, playing, having fun—I would absolutely love it.”

“You’re sure?”

“Ellie, having you around has been so good for me. When I first saw you, all I could think was that you’d tempt Nick and I’d be embarrassed again, like I’ve been so many times. But it didn’t work that way. Instead, we got close, you and me. Two women with odd pasts and a lot to overcome. I find myself telling you things I haven’t talked about in years. It would be a privilege to meet your kids, to have all of you for the day.”

“And Nick?” Ellie asked cautiously.

“If he isn’t the most polite person on earth, I will shoot him in the head.”

Ellie laughed at her. “Wow. A little fight looks good on you. Okay then,” she said, giving her head a nod. “Next Saturday it is.”

Ellie realized that despite the struggles she’d encountered along the way, wonderful people had always happened into her life. Her grandmother had been her angel. Her first love, Jason, had given her joy, and his loss was her heartache, but Danielle had her father’s sweet disposition and bright eyes. And Chip might be a big dumb loser, but Trevor was a gift.

Her boss at that club had been a real stand-up guy who watched out for his employees. A couple of old bosses still helped her when they could, like the lawyer she’d worked for. Her neighbor in the duplex had been there for her in ways she could never repay; a trusted babysitter was priceless. Noah, without a doubt, had given her a big break, at some risk to his own reputation.

And then, unexpectedly, there was Jo.

Saturday came and while Jo hadn’t gone overboard, she had been ready to show Danielle and Trevor a good time. There was chilled cookie dough, ready to roll, cut, bake and decorate. The kids finger painted at Jo’s big kitchen table. And there were books to read in the hammock strung between two huge trees.

Nick was at home, and while he wasn’t underfoot, he did make his presence felt between cutting the grass and watching sports on TV in the den. He joined them all for a nice lunch on the patio and joked with the kids in an affable way. To Ellie’s surprise, after what Jo had told her, it seemed they actually had a very good rapport. And what a loss that he hadn’t tried parenting—he was good with the kids, too.

Ellie got to thinking—this couple got derailed in their marriage over an issue major to both of them, and they had lost the ability to compromise. Ellie’s children had come while she was so young, and in such a shocking, scary way, she had never had to endure the frustration that some other women went through. In fact, before now, Ellie had never known any women friends who wanted children passionately and, for whatever reason, couldn’t have them. The closest she came to really understanding the plight was a movie—Steel Magnolias—in which Julia Roberts’s character risked her life to have a baby. That bespoke a desire so primal, so desperate, it was small wonder it could mess up an otherwise good relationship.

From the way Jo and Nick both interacted with the children, you’d never know they hadn’t been parents. And they seemed good together, as well; positive and even affectionate.

It began to fall into place for Ellie. She wasn’t sure, but it was possible that Jo and Nick had once enjoyed a strong and loving marriage. Then they had a standoff over adoption and went to separate bedrooms. Whatever their arrangement was—he worked and paid the bills and she managed the home—there was at least some residual fondness there. But now Nick was flirting with other women and in a very wayward and foolish way, making passes. Could he be lonely? Hungry for both affection and some bolstering of his self-esteem?