Forbidden Falls (Virgin River #9)(51)

“Sure. Yeah, of course.”

“She might be interested in how this came to happen,” Noah said. “How she came to land in your family. Can one of you describe that to me?”

They were both quiet for a moment. Then Paul said, “Terri wanted me to be the father of her child from the first minute she realized she was pregnant. Well, maybe not the first minute, because we hadn’t talked in months. She went to Hannah’s biological father first and he told her she’d have to sue him to get any kind of support. But then I happened to call her, spent the evening with her and she made up her mind—she was going to try to convince me I was the father. She wanted to get married. In the end, when she admitted she’d lied about the whole thing, she said she did it because she thought I’d be a good father. She said she thought I was a good man.” He shook his head. “I don’t know how she figured that—I wasn’t good to her. I told her I was in love with Vanni, that I couldn’t marry her because I’d always be in love with Vanni.”

“And when the lawyer told you Terri had named you as Hannah’s guardian? How did you respond?”

“I said I couldn’t do it—that Vanni and I were just starting our lives together. We wanted to have a baby together—now that’s on hold.”

“You’ve made a decision then?” Noah asked. “You’ll keep her? Adopt her?”

“Not until we get more comfortable with the idea. But even though Vanni doesn’t really want another child now, she doesn’t want to let Hannah go.”

“Is that right, Vanni?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” she said softly. Her voice took on some emotion. “Look at them together,” she said, glancing at the kids in the playpen. “They’re perfect together. And Paul adores her. But I’m scared to death—when I hold her, it’s as if I’m holding someone else’s baby, a stranger’s baby. What if I never bond with her? What if I never think of her as my daughter? What if I’m always a little angry that her mother, Paul’s old girlfriend, just gave her to Paul without checking with me first?”

“Paul, you obviously changed your mind,” Noah said. “You told the lawyer no, but then you brought her home. What changed your mind?”

“I don’t know,” he said sincerely. “Honest to God, I don’t know. Before I saw her, I knew it was a bad idea, that it would complicate our marriage, our family, and my wife and little Matt are everything to me. Then here comes this little, chubby, rosy-cheeked kid who has no idea her mother’s dead, has no idea she’s being given to a family she doesn’t know. A family that doesn’t want her, that considers her a total inconvenience. And she looked at me and smiled so big I thought her face was gonna crack. It just shot me in the heart. I thought I was gonna die on the spot. I just couldn’t…let…any more bad stuff happen to her.” He inhaled for control. “On the way home, for hours in the truck, she was so good, so sweet and quiet. I stopped to give her a change and she grabbed me around the neck and gave me sloppy kisses. Before I knew it, I was crying like a girl. She didn’t even know all she’d been through. She had no idea how precarious her future was.”

“See how good he is?” Vanni said. “Oh, Noah, that’s why I fell in love with Paul—because he’s that kind of man. What’s the matter with me?”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Vanni. It’s a shock, it’s an intrusion. And not a baby abandoned on your doorstep, but the child of a woman your husband had a relationship with. Add to that, Paul took one look at her and was hooked. Your adjustment is more difficult. You have to cope with the bite of jealousy, which is a burden you shouldn’t be embarrassed about. I think it’s pretty natural.”

Paul scooted forward anxiously. “But I’ve told Vanni over and over, there was no reason to be jealous of Terri. Even if Matt hadn’t been killed in Iraq, even if Vanni and I never got together, even if Hannah had been my daughter, I don’t think I would’ve ended up with Terri. She was a good person, had lots of nice qualities, but I just wasn’t in love with her. I’d have taken care of them, but I knew the way I felt wasn’t enough to make a good marriage. And Noah, it probably wasn’t right for me to be seeing her, knowing that, but I never led her on, I swear.”

“Easy, easy,” Noah said. “Vanni’s not jealous of Terri. She’s jealous of Hannah.”

You could have heard a pin drop. The silence stretched out.

“That can’t be,” Vanni finally said. “That’s impossible! Jealous of a defenseless baby? I’ll go to hell for that.”

“No,” Noah said, smiling, shaking his head. “Not in a million years.”

“But that’s irrational! I’m not mean enough to be jealous of an innocent child! A child who needs me!”

“A lot of emotions are irrational, but that’s not really the case here, if you think about it. You wanted to have a child with your husband. You planned, waited until your son was a good age to space the children so you could manage, and you were looking forward to it. Paul told me—you love children, want a bunch of them. And before you even had your chance, the little babe of an ex-girlfriend needs Paul, and Paul was immediately hooked. Your husband fell in love with another woman’s child.