Forbidden Falls (Virgin River #9)(52)

“The thing is, this could have worked out differently. For example, if you’d been present for the reading of the will, it might’ve been you who was pulled in by her rosy cheeks and pretty smile. Her need for a loving family. But the way it went down…”

“I told him—he should have called me from Oregon. Rather than just bringing her home like he did,” she said.

Noah was shaking his head again. “That might have been even harder, because Paul couldn’t stop himself. He had to try. And if you’d told him no, don’t accept that baby, then he would have defied you. No, I think this worked out the way it was supposed to.”

“But now what am I to do?” she said, tears leaking out of her eyes. “How can I ever bond with her if I resent her? If I’m jealous of her?”

Noah smiled patiently. “It’s not going to be this way forever, Vanni,” he said gently. “Your feelings aren’t shameful or sinful, but predictable. They’re human. You’ll need a lot of reassurance from your husband, and we’ll work on the issues—anger, jealousy, remorse, guilt. Paul will learn to let himself off the hook for bringing this challenge to the family, and you will learn to forgive yourself for responding in a completely understandable way. It’s going to be all right. We’re going to walk through this, nice and easy, and reach a conclusion that works for your marriage, your family and for Hannah. You have a wonderful, deep, committed love for each other. In the end, this is going to be all right.”

After an hour with Vanni and Paul, Noah called Gloria and pushed his coffee date at Valley Hospital off to the next day. He called her and said he’d had a rough afternoon. Instead, he went to the nursing home in Eureka to watch Andy Griffith with Sal Salentino. An hour with Sal was like sandpaper on his emotions, smoothing down the bumps. He bought six large cans of soup at the grocery store and drove out to the transients’ camp on his way home. Those old boys were starting to like him, he could tell by the way they drew near when he showed up.

He thought he’d done a decent job of reassuring Vanessa and Paul that things would work out for them, but it left him tired and feeling sorry for himself. Vanessa and Paul grappled with adjustments to a new marriage and growing family, but at the core they had health, love and passion.

Noah missed passion.

The next day Noah met the nurse, Gloria, during her dinner break at the hospital. She was a nice lady, but then he had expected nothing less. She was short and cute, kind of round but pleasantly so, around thirty years old. She had a heart-shaped face, lots of yellow curls that she had pulled back into a tie to keep out of her face and her work, big luminous blue eyes, rosy cheeks and full lips. Of course she was wearing scrubs to work in, but he imagined she looked quite pretty in her regular clothes. And she was very excited to meet with Noah.

They had a pleasant conversation in which it was established that she was completely available and he admitted to being widowed. Within thirty minutes she was offering to cook him dinner. And he said, “Oh, I’m sorry, Gloria. I didn’t mean to mislead you—I’m seeing someone.”

He had absolutely no idea why he’d said that and was enormously grateful she didn’t respond with, “Who?” It was just that he knew, almost instantly, that he didn’t want to have dinner with her, didn’t want to date her, didn’t feel that lustful tug that accompanied attraction.

People probably assumed that a man of the cloth didn’t experience all the usual emotions. Maybe just the tidy and manageable ones. Noah was eternally grateful such was not the case, especially when it came to things like desire for a woman. He was so glad it didn’t feel like a warm bath to want a woman, but rather like a firestorm. For Noah, when it was the right woman, it was not quiet yearning, but a desperate and hot wanting that threatened his control. That was definitely the best part, that it was bigger than him, that it had a life of its own, that it was more like a fire-breathing dragon than an angel of comfort. When that feeling came over him, it was so good it was scary.

He did not have that feeling for a nurse named Gloria.

Nine

After meeting with Gloria, Noah was heading back into town when he drove by the Fitches’ house. He pulled up in front, parked, got out and went up the garage stairs to the apartment Ellie rented. He knocked on the door and momentarily he heard, “Who is it?”

“Noah,” he answered.

She opened the door wearing loose shorts, a big T-shirt, bare feet, and was towel drying her hair. “Hi,” she said. “Is something wrong?”

“No. I was just wondering…You’re having the kids on Saturday, right?”

“If nothing goes haywire. Why?”

“What will you do with them?”

She shrugged. “A park, maybe. I thought about packing up some PB&J, chips, sodas, and heading to a playground for the day. Or Jo would love us to spend the day here, with her, but I don’t want to take advantage. We’ll play it by ear.”

“How about a kid movie?” he asked. “Could I tag along? If I treat and promise not to get in the way too much?”

She tilted her head and frowned as she looked at him. “What’s the matter, Noah? You look like something’s wrong.”

“No, no, nothing’s wrong. I’m just kind of looking for something to do, and I like your kids. They’re nice.”