Ceaseless (Existence Trilogy #3)(42)

It was then I felt him. I couldn’t see him but he was here. No one else seemed to notice. Why was it that I did? I scanned both the wrecked cars for any sign of him but he wasn’t visible. The fact I knew he was nearby didn’t frighten me. If I was honest with myself I wanted to see him. Warmth ran up my arms and I shivered. “Where are you?” I whispered.

I got no response.

The warmth only lasted a short time and then it was gone. Sirens began to blare and the crowd was moved back. I was numb.

He’d gone.

I was sad. Not because I knew someone in those cars had died. I was sad because he’d been close but I hadn’t been able to see him. Why would I want to see him? Was something wrong with me?

I pushed my way back through the crowd until I was free of the bodies pressed closely together as they tried to get a closer look at the accident. Taking a deep breath I walked over and sat down on the steps. I was positive that our study group would not meet tonight. I just hoped it was no one I knew in those vehicles.

My phone began ringing and I pulled it out to see Miranda’s number flashing on the screen.

“Hey.”

“Oh my god. Thank goodness you’re okay. I just saw the wreck on the news and it was right outside our dorm. They aren’t releasing any more information so I wasn’t sure. Jay is already on his way over there. I called him and he left work and headed your way.”

I wasn’t in the mood for Jay tonight. I wanted to go curl up in my room alone and pull out the necklace I’d hidden in my drawer. Dank had left it with me for a reason. I needed to understand why.

“I’m fine. I’m not sure they’ll let him through. I think they have roads blocked off. But I’ll call and let him know I’m safe. It is a bad one. No one knows who it is yet.”

“Call me as soon as you find out and you go inside and be safe,” Miranda said in a commanding voice. Smiling, I agreed and hung up.

By the time Jay arrived the cars were being towed off the road and the coroner had pronounced the driver of the smaller car dead and the body had been taken away. The passenger of the other vehicle had also been pronounced dead. All I could think about was that Dank had to live through this daily. It was something he could never escape. Did it bother him? Was there any emotion for him?

“Here, I brought you something to eat,” Jay said as he climbed the steps to the dorm and sat beside me. I hadn’t been able to walk away from the accident. I’d been sitting here watching it. Every moment. Every sob and wail of family members arriving to be told someone they loved was dead. I’d watched it all. They walked away tonight hating Death. It had taken from them. I could understand their pain but my chest ached for Dank. He didn’t cause the accident. He didn’t choose to have those people die. It was their bodies that couldn’t survive. It wasn’t his fault that their souls could no longer stay inside their bodies. But because of his name and his purpose people hated him. The event in everyone’s life wasn’t an event at all. It was a being. If they only understood that it wasn’t Death’s fault.

“I figured you hadn’t eaten anything,” Jay said as I took the bag from him. The smell of a greasy hamburger and greasier fries wafted up from the bag. He was right. I hadn’t eaten anything but my stomach wasn’t strong enough for food.

“I don’t think I can eat anything,” I said apologetically. It was nice of him to have thought of me but tonight I just wanted to go to bed and forget. Forget what I knew. Forget what I’d seen. It all hurt too much.

“You need to eat something. Come on, let’s go inside. Watching this isn’t good for you.”

I shook my head. I had to stay until it was finished. I couldn’t walk away just yet. “You can’t go inside this late. We should just stay right here.”

Jay reached over and took my hand in his. There was no instant rush of pleasure or excitement. He didn’t make my body react in any way. He was just my friend.

Dank

“I’m sick of the mopey shit. It is getting old. You can’t mope for the rest of eternity. Especially when you didn’t even fight for her. You drop the bomb on her that you end human life and then you expect her to accept you with open arms. This ain’t a damn soap opera.”

I paced back and forth outside Pagan’s dorm. It was three in the morning and I’d just finished my rounds. Seeing her tonight had made it impossible not to come back here when I was done.

“You know I’m right. She balked and hurt your feelings and you did the dark broody thing and left. Men are all the same.”

“Shut up, Gee. I don’t know what you expect me to do. She didn’t want to ever see me again. I was giving her what she wanted.”

Gee made a gagging sound. “No you were being a big baby. Poor Dank can’t get Pagan to remember him so he tucks his tail and runs. Her soul mate thanks you. He really does. Now he doesn’t have anything standing in his way.”

“That’s enough, Gee.”

“Whatev, you need to grow a pair. She asked where you were tonight. I know you heard her. Hell, I heard her, and I wasn’t the one pawing all over her. She wanted to see you then.”

I stopped pacing and looked up at the window where I knew she was sleeping. I’d said my goodbye. I’d given her a normal life just like she wanted. Had it been the wrong thing to do? If I had pushed her to remember, if I had tried harder to make her love me would it have worked?