Ceaseless (Existence Trilogy #3)(38)

You can’t have my soul, oh, I’m not a man . The empty vessel I dwell in is not meant to feel the heat you bring. So I push you away and I push you away . Yet you stay .

Ooooooh. Yet you stay. Yet you stay. Yet you stay.”

Dank

I decided my human form was less helpful at the moment. I walked the campus following Pagan in my true form. The one only souls could see. The one Pagan had once been able to see. She’d slept deeply last night after I sang her to sleep. Not being able to snuggle up beside her and hold her had been hard, but she wasn’t ready to accept me yet. I wouldn’t do something she didn’t welcome.

Pagan stopped outside the campus food court and looked around. Was she looking for me? I knew she wasn’t looking for Jay.

Are you looking for me?

She stiffened then gave a little nod of her head.

Meet me at the park across the street.

She didn’t respond immediately, but she turned around to look at the park. A small nod followed. I watched her walk that way and fell in step behind her.

“Why can I feel you? Where are you?” She asked in a hushed whisper.

She could feel me behind her. I liked that. Her soul recognized me.

“I’m right here,” I replied as I appeared beside her.

She jumped and let out a yelp. Then her startled expression turned into more of a pissed off glare. She picked up her pace and we were across the street and in the empty park in just a few more steps.

“What are you and why are you in my head and how did you sing to me last night and how did you just appear out of nowhere?” She stammered over her words. I knew she thought saying this out-loud sounded insane.

“I’m not human. You knew that once.”

Pagan threw up both her arms, “What the heck does that mean? You’re not human? I used to know this? You’ve got to give me something that makes sense, Dank.”

I wasn’t handling this well.

“I know and if you give me a second, I will.” I assured her and she put both hands on her hips and tilted her head to let me know she was waiting for more.

I couldn’t tell her that her memory was gone. That was the only rule I had. They never said I couldn’t tell her I was Death. Well maybe they had implied it but they hadn’t actually said it. They didn’t think I’d be brave enough to tell her because it might put a hitch in my winning her love. The rules were I had to get her to fall in love with me again and choose me over her soul’s mate.

“The song I sang to you last night. The one that upset you at the concert,” I took a step toward her and she tensed up. “Can you tell me those words? Do you remember them?”

“Yet you stay?”

“Yes, but there are more words. Do you remember them? Any of them?”

I needed her to remember something. Something from our past to be restored. I’d sung that song to her wanting to remind her soul of what we’d had.

“You weren’t meant for the ice. You weren’t made for the pain. The world that lives inside of me brought only shame. You were meant for castles and living in the sun. The cold running through me should have made you run.” She said the words slowly trying to understand them.

“Yes. That’s good. Do you remember any of the other words?”

She closed her eyes and shook her head, “I’m trying.” Then her eyes flew open, “Don’t stay and ruin all my plans. You can’t have my soul. I’m not a man. The empty vessel I dwell in is not meant to feel the heat you bring. So I push you away and I push you away… Yet you stay.”

“Does any of that make sense to you?” I still held onto the hope that she would remember something.

“No. It’s very sad and dark. None of it makes sense.”

Sighing, I ran my hand through my hair. How was I supposed to explain this to her? “Do you know what a soul is Pagan? I mean really understand what a soul is?”

She scrunched up her nose. “Yeah, it’s what is inside. It’s who you are.”

I nodded, “And a body is the house for the soul. Once the body dies the soul is given another life.”

“So you are one of those reincarnation believers?”

No, I wasn’t a believer. I knew the facts. I shook my head, “No. I don’t believe anything. I know. Your soul is who you are. In this body and in the next it is you. It will always be you. I don’t get to have a soul, Pagan. This isn’t a body. Not like yours. It is me. I can appear to humans and I can walk beside them invisible. I choose who will see me.”

“You’re like a… ghost? Because I’m not believing that. I touched you, I know you’re very real.”

Grinning for the first time since I’d started this conversation I shook my head. “No, I’m not a ghost. I’m who comes to take the soul from the body. It is my job to take the soul from the body that can no longer house it. I send the soul on so that it can be given another body.”

Pagan stood there studying me carefully. I could see her mind processing what I’d just told her. Calling myself something she’d said she hated wasn’t what I wanted to do. I didn’t want her to immediately hate me because of my title.

“I don’t understand. What does that?”

“Oh, for crying the f**k out loud. I got to do this last time and I’m going to do it this time. It just sounds better coming from me,” Gee announced as she walked out from behind a tree.