Blonde & Blue (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #4)(55)

The shock on his face when he saw me mirrored my own. All sense of rationale went out the door with what was left of my sanity. I was halfway across the room in seconds. The power swelled inside me so that I felt like a bubble about to burst. The bite on Shaz’ wrist taunted both my jealousy and my bloodlust.

“Alexa, let me explain.” Shaz held both hands up in a gesture of surrender. His companion merely regarded me with curiosity.

Enraged and crushed, I flung out a hand, casting enough power to throw the vampiress off her feet as well as several others in the vicinity. I wanted to slap him. Hell, I wanted to throw him across the room. So, Shaz had a dirty little secret of his own.

“This is running with Kylarai? You lied to me? So you could come here and be a blood whore for a vampire?” The truth was harsh. It hurt me to see it in his eyes.

I spun on my heel and rushed out of the club. I felt sick, like I might vomit. Shaz was right behind me, grabbing my arm in an attempt to stop me. I shook him off, determined to escape the sudden and ugly situation. I shoved past the people making their way inside and hurried through the parking lot. My power was massive and wild, triggering a chain reaction of car alarms as I passed.

“Alexa! Just hold on a damn minute!” Shaz easily caught up to me. He forced me to stop and, with both hands on my shoulders, held tight so I couldn’t pull away. “Can we talk about this?”

I looked at the bite on his wrist, and my stomach flipped. I tried to shove him off me, but he held firm. “Talk about what? Your recent decision to become a donor? I don’t even know what to say.”

“Just let me try to explain. Please. I know how bad it looks. I was going to tell you, but I didn’t know how.” Anguish filled his jade green eyes, and I choked on my own guilt. “I’ve been kicking my ass over this. I wanted to tell you, Lex.”

I sucked in a deep lungful of summer night air. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “So tell me. Tell me how long this has been going on. Is it just blood? Do I even want to know?” I was flustered and panicked. It showed.

It was never just blood. That’s what Arys would say. To vampires, the exchange of blood is more intimate than sex, especially when both parties are willing. The thought of Shaz sleeping with her was like a knife twisting in my guts. My breath came fast, and I felt faint.

Shaz gazed deep into my eyes, forcing me to look at him. “I tried to resist. I really did. Since that night with Arys, it’s been in the back of my mind. It fueled the curiosity and the temptation. I couldn’t help it. I know that’s no excuse. I should have told you.”

Shock washed over me like a cold bucket of water in my face. This was my fault. I’d drawn him in, and like that first hit of heroin, the rush had claimed him.

How could I not have known? Vampire bites heal quickly on a werewolf, but there should have been some other sign, something I missed.

“Are you having sex with her?” I didn’t want to know, but I couldn’t not know either. “Is she the only one?”

When he was sure I wouldn’t run off on him, Shaz released me but didn’t step away. “There have been others. No intercourse.”

Short, simple and painfully clear, an image flashed through my mind, the vampiress on her knees before my white wolf as she pleasured him. A pained sound came from me, rough like a growl. No intercourse. Yeah, I knew what that meant.

“Alexa, I’m so sorry.” His voice broke, and I had to look away.

“Don’t be too quick to apologize. I guess I couldn’t have asked for a better way to tell you that things went too far with Kale.” The urge to cry was strong. The certainty that I didn’t belong in the vampire world grew. They were ruining everything and everyone I loved.

Shaz was silent for a moment. His energy was roiling with guilt, pain and now fury. It hurt, and I had to block it out.

“That isn’t as much of a surprise as it should be.” With a heavy sigh, he ran a hand through his platinum hair and stared at the traffic that passed on the street.

“I’m sorry I ever dragged you into this godforsaken world, Shaz.” I sat heavily on a concrete parking curb, staring at my feet. “It destroys everything.”

“I don’t blame you for anything, Lex. You’ve never forced me into a situation I wasn’t willing to be in. We’re not human. Not even close. This world is ours, vampires and all.”

My heart sunk. “You like it. And, I hate that.”

He joined me on the curb. We didn’t look at each other or touch. It was too awkward to pretend that everything was ok.

“You like it, too. What do you expect? We can’t go through the motions of what normal life used to be. There is no nine to five job, no minivan full of kids and no picket fence. Not for us. I don’t know about you, but I need more than that anyway.”

I nodded, bitter with the truth he spoke. I was a mess of jealousy, hurt and guilt. “I don’t want to be one of them.” The confession slipped out, but it felt good to give voice to it. “The thought terrifies me, and I can’t tell Arys.”

Shaz did look at me then. Guarded concern shone in his eyes. “You’re not going to do anything stupid, are you?”

“How much stupider could my actions possibly get right now?” I laughed bitterly.

“I’m serious. Don’t you dare do anything to put yourself in danger, or worse. If you do something drastic, if you leave me here without you …” He didn’t have to finish that thought. The fear that gripped him was palpable even though I tried to shield his energy.