Avoiding Temptation (Avoiding #3)(121)

Ramsey was pacing in his office as she approached. His secretary was mercifully absent. Lexi glanced into the office next door and didn’t see anyone. She sighed in relief. No Parker.

She was used to seeing him in suits, but he hadn’t been at the office. He had driven here from home, so he was dressed more casually in a pair of pressed khaki shorts, green polo, and boat shoes. He still looked perfectly put-together even though she could tell by his pacing, the way he ducked his head, the way he ran his hands back through his hair methodically, that he was a wreck.

Her hand landed on the doorknob lightly, and Ramsey’s head jerked up at the sound. Her heart broke at the sight. Her Ramsey never went anywhere without being clean-shaven, and Lexi could see stubble along his jawline. His eyes seemed far away, and bags were forming under his eyes, like he hadn’t been sleeping. She hated that he was like this…that she had caused this.

Lexi turned the handle and walked into Ramsey’s office, slowly, cautiously. He took a few steps toward her like he wanted to scoop her up and pull her into his arms, but when he saw her face, he stopped in his tracks. He wasn’t stupid. He didn’t want to push her again. But any distance between them felt exponentially worse with those few feet.

“Lexi, it’s so good to see you,” he all but whispered into the silence between them.

“It’s good to see you, too,” she answered honestly.

“I’m really glad you called and wanted to talk.”

Now that she was here, staring at his beautiful face, Lexi didn’t know what to say. Do what you want. That was basically what Chyna had told her. You already know what you want. You just have to make that decision for yourself.

Lexi sighed and closed her eyes. Why couldn’t it really be that easy?

“I know you wanted to talk, but can I go first?” Ramsey asked. “I’ve been holding on to this for five days, and I want to get it all out.”

She nodded. She didn’t even know where to begin. So, maybe this was better.

“Those papers don’t mean anything to me. That was a lifetime ago…”

Lexi sighed and shook her head. She knew she was going to have to sit down for this.

“I’m serious,” he continued. “I was just shocked when she showed up with them. I was so sure it was an abortion that I had forced myself to believe it all these years. It was kind of like losing a part of myself. I don’t know how else to explain it. But even if I was wrong about Parker, it doesn’t change what happened between us. Parker and I broke up, and we haven’t been together in a very long time. I’ll admit that the day you walked in to my office, I had all of these what-ifs swirling around in my head, but that’s all they ever will be—what-ifs. Parker…” Ramsey paused as if trying to wrap his mind around the name and the emotions. “She isn’t you.”

“Yes, well, that’s very clear,” Lexi said softly.

“Very clear. You asked me to explain her to you, to tell you why she matters. Well, the answer is because she’s always mattered to me. First, as a big brother joking around with his sister’s friends. Then, as a girlfriend. Then, for all the reasons that we couldn’t work. Then, as a coworker. The reason you care for people can change. Just like my feelings for Parker have changed.”

Lexi knew exactly what he was talking about because she had that with Jack. And it might change, but it always came back to that one aching desire she had in the pit of her stomach. And if what Ramsey and Parker were going through was anything like her experience with Jack, then no matter how much it changed, no matter how much distance was put between Parker and Ramsey…it still plagued them.

“But my feelings for you have never changed like that. They’ve only grown and grown, and they continue to grow every day, every minute, every second I’m with you. And I knew on that first date that you were different, that things with you would be different. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to make it all better. I wanted to rid you of the hollow expression and depression that seemed to hang off of you.”

“And you did,” she whispered softly. “You pulled me out of the pain that I’d been in for years.”

“Good.” His green eyes were wide.

She could tell he had been running this all through his head for days on end. He wasn’t rambling or incoherent, like her Ramsey always was. He had thought this through. He wanted to make this right.

“You did the same for me.”

“I know,” she said.

“And when you walked out that door, when I didn’t hear from you, I felt…I don’t even know how to explain it. I felt like it didn’t matter what I did anymore because the only thing I wanted in the whole world, I’d let walk out on me…again.”

Lexi’s heart stopped. How could she not love a man like this? He said and did all the right things. He loved her unconditionally despite all her faults and all her baggage. He picked her up out of the pain and placed her back into working order. He had been exactly what she needed.

“Please, Lexi, my Alexa, let me make it right,” Ramsey whispered, bridging the distance between them and staring down into her wide brown eyes.

She could tell that he wanted her to make the next move, to make it all right.

“When I went to see Chyna before the wedding, she told me that I should decide what I want. That I’ve always looked to make everyone else happy. That I’ve never considered my own happiness. Chyna has a certain way with words…that I think I lack.”