Avoiding Temptation (Avoiding #3)(123)

It was a terrifying notion—no more running, no more hiding. She had owned up to how she was feeling with Ramsey, and she would have to do it now with Jack.

Christ! She had left him waiting for her without an answer. She had walked out of his apartment, still deciding what she was going to do. The choice to leave Ramsey was her own. It had nothing to do with Jack. And by now Jack probably thought that it was over.

She could walk away, start over, find a new life.

But…what kind of life would she have without Jack?

It made her heart constrict, thinking about it. She had been so ready to move on and get past him after his wedding, but she had found that she couldn’t. It wasn’t even that she couldn’t. She just didn’t want to. She wanted him in her life. She wanted him around. She wanted him to be the person who picked her up when she was down, the one who made her smile. She was so tired of heartache, and she wondered over and over again if she had just tried it with Jack from the beginning what it would have looked like.

She would never know. They had never taken the chance. Even in New York, she had been the one to say, Let’s just take it slow. But how could they even possibly take it slow? All her heart told her was to floor the pedal and speed down the road as fast as she could.

They had been fighting this for so long that she couldn’t even articulate what it felt like to know that Jack was waiting for her, that he wanted her, that she could have him…

Almost four years since they had last slept together. Almost six since New York.

She swallowed hard when she did the math. All this time—ten years in August—and Jack was still the one man she couldn’t live without.

Jack had told her, all those years ago, that they were fated to be together….that he wished he could go back to change the way he had acted. Nothing could erase the past though. Nothing could change what they had gone through.

But Jack had changed. Over the last two years, he had grown up. He had stopped thinking that he could have his cake and eat it, too. He respected her, and now…he was fighting for her.

So, while nothing could change their past, they could change the future.

They already had.

Lexi’s hand shook as she knocked on the door to Jack’s apartment. It was half past one o’clock in the morning, and she knew Jack would likely be asleep…in the bed she had been sleeping in for the past five days. She still had the key that he had given her, but she didn’t feel right using it, not after walking out on him this morning. She couldn’t until she figured out what was going on between them.

As she waited for an answering call, for the door to slide back, for Jack’s face to appear, shocked, in the doorway, she let her mind wander back to the hospital.

The weight of the ring in her hand as she slid it into Ramsey’s palm. The look of pure unadulterated sadness that took over his face. The realization that he had lost her…that it was over.

With the beginning wave of acceptance already taking over, Ramsey had embraced her and left a lone kiss on the top of her head. She had let herself feel his arms around her once more, knowing that this would be the last time. Ramsey had stared down into her eyes one last time as he had pushed her hair behind her earlobe.

He had leaned forward and whispered into her ear, “His warning still stands with me, Lexi.” His voice had been hoarse with the edge of protectiveness that he had always had. “If he hurts you, I’ll kill him.”

Lexi had finally pulled back, her mouth set into a straight line, and nodded. He had nodded back, and that had said everything without saying anything. She hadn’t wanted to hide it from him. He deserved to know the truth, and through that one look, she had known that while he might not like it, and it would take time for him to get over it, he would get over it…get over her.

And then, he had let her go. Because there was nothing else that they could do. She had made up her mind.

So, she had said her farewell and departed.

She hated hurting Ramsey, seeing the pain that she had inflicted upon him, but she would hate herself more if she stayed with him and didn’t love him…not like she wanted to…not like he deserved.

Her hand had come down lightly on the doorframe. Her hand had fisted over her heart as she had pushed the pain aside. Ramsey occupied a different part of her heart, but the truth of it was…she could never give herself away fully to anyone with Jack still taking up residence. So, she had to let the pain pass, let it wash off of her like water on clay, and know that she was making the right decision.

With a sigh and another deep breath, she had dropped her hands and straightened her back. She would never forget the three-and-a-half years she had spent with Ramsey. They had been good years.

But she was ready to begin the rest of her life.

The door swung inward, and Lexi held her breath as Jack’s face came into view. He was still rubbing his eyes, trying to orient his already groggy body. She must have pulled him out of bed. He was wearing nothing more than burgundy basketball shorts hanging low on his hips. She could see the navy plaid boxers underneath, like he had just slid the shorts over top of them. He was shirtless, and she could see every muscular line in his chest and abdomen. Her eyes traced the taut muscles in his shoulders and down his arms before lifting back to that gorgeous face and those baby-blue eyes that were now staring back at her in shock. It was clear that he hadn’t been expecting to see her…maybe never again.