Avoiding Temptation (Avoiding #3)(122)

Ramsey swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing with his uncertainty about where this was going.

“She’s like a dose of reality through my overanalytical mind.”

“That’s a good way to put it,” Ramsey said tentatively.

“I think, in some ways, she’s right. I think of other people’s happiness because it coincides with what I want. I wanted Jack for years, so I didn’t think about what he did to me during that time or how it would affect me. And I went back to you after you’d hurt me without even thinking it through. I feel like I was kind of always doing what others expected me to do. I don’t regret any of my decisions. They have shaped who I am. They made me happy at the time, but thinking about it makes me realize that I was always running in circles.”

“Lexi,” Ramsey interrupted, “I really don’t mind if we have to postpone the wedding. I—”

Lexi held up her hand to silence him. She needed to finish. She couldn’t think through his words. “I think you’re right. Your feelings for people do change with time. You might need someone for one reason, and then when that reason is obsolete, you might not need that person anymore. People come in and out of your life all the time. They shape and mold you like clay, and then the water washes away the edges.”

She could feel tears prick her eyes as she finally got out what she was trying to say—as she finally realized what Chyna was telling her.

“You came into my life. You pulled me away from my pain. You molded me into a better person,” she said, taking a step back and swallowing hard. “But I think that was what I needed then…not now.”

“Lexi,” Ramsey choked out.

She had always thought that her temptation was this heart-stopping, unbelievable emotion where she was unable to think or breathe or do anything because of how it made her feel and what it made her want to do. That temptation was something she had always given in to. At least, that was how it had been for a very long time—before Ramsey, before she had realized how important it was not to give in to that, not to let it affect her like that.

But then, the temptation changed.

She changed.

Desire, lust, cheating—those temptations weren’t there anymore. She didn’t ever want to cheat again. What came with cheating was heartbreak and pain—the exact pain that Ramsey had pulled her out of.

Now, she was avoiding temptation to settle—to stay with Ramsey because he had been the person to pull her out of it, and realizing that was the reason why he was important to her.

And she loved Ramsey. She had loved him for a really long time.

But she didn’t love him enough to spend the rest of her life with him.

And really, when it came down to that, it was an easy choice.

Because it was what she wanted.

“I’m sorry, Ramsey. I just…I’m not happy,” she said. “I want us to work. I want it to be right.”

“Then, let me show you.” Ramsey reached out for her, pulling her toward him. “I’ve changed my whole life for you, Lexi. Just let me show you. Please.”

“Ramsey, no,” she said, shaking her head. “I didn’t ask you to change your life for me.”

“But I did anyway!” he said, running his arms up and resting his hands on her shoulders.

“I liked who you were. I liked you being independent. I liked the rebellious Ramsey.”

“I wanted something we could be proud of.”

Lexi shook her head and tried to pull away. “I never judged you for how your life was. I liked that you cared enough about what you wanted, that you didn’t have to be under your father’s influence.” Lexi bit her lip and turned her face from him. She wished she could explain all of this better. “But when you changed, for me, you lost part of the person you were when I fell in love with you.”

“I changed for the better, not for the worse, Lexi. I changed to be a better man for you.”

“You’re not hearing me,” she said softly. “You were already a great man. You’re still a great man. I just…don’t think you’re the man for me.”

Lexi saw the exact moment Ramsey’s heart broke. It was stunningly painful, like staring into the sun on a bright afternoon or the glare of a flashlight in his eyes in the pitch black. It was like the moment a storm broke overhead, dropping a torrential downpour onto the earth. It was that second when the fight went out of a boxer’s eyes, the moment of defeat, the moment of destruction, when he only needed one more punch to crumple to the ground and have darkness swallow him up whole.

A single tear fell out of Ramsey’s right eye and rolled down his cheek to his tensed jaw. His eyes were misted over with emotion, and Lexi had to swallow back a knot in her throat. She had brought this strong man, this beautiful man, to tears, and there was absolutely nothing that she could do about it that she wouldn’t regret for the rest of her life.

“I’m sorry, Ramsey. I can’t keep this,” she said, pulling the diamond ring off her finger. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and tried to blink back the tears forming in her eyes. “I already have one that belongs to me. It was saved for me before I even knew who you were.”

Chapter 23

Lexi had always thought that when it came to this moment, when she had the right to choose, the right to make up her mind for herself without any exterior complciations, she would turn Jack away. How many times had he done it to her? But then again…how many times had she done it to him? He had told her how he felt when she was dating both her college boyfriends, and she had said no. They had never had their chance only because they had both run scared at every opportunity. But now, Jack was laid out in front of her, and she couldn’t bear to do it. She couldn’t bear to give him up.