Avoiding Temptation (Avoiding #3)(117)

He grabbed her hand and brought it softly to his lips. “I am, but damn, Lex, I’m your ass**le.”

“Jack, please…”

“When you landed on my doorstep last week, you asked me what you should do,” he reminded her. “I asked you the same question on my wedding day. You should have told me to walk away. You should have told me to leave her. That’s what you should have told me. I think all along it was what I wanted to hear. I made the mistake…and I don’t want you to make the same one.”

His eyes blazed as the words he had been holding back fell from his lips. He reached out and rested his hands on her face, and she stopped breathing. Lexi had known that was what he was asking her that day, but she hadn’t been able to say it. She shouldn’t have had to say it. She had wanted him to come to the conclusion on his own, but he hadn’t. And he had married Bekah. Now, he was telling her it was all a mistake and that they had gone through all of that for nothing.

“So, you asked me what you should do. You should leave him. Because if you’re not happy now…you’re not going to be happy when you’re married.”

Lexi locked on to those baby-blue eyes, on to the face of the man she had loved for longer than she could imagine. He was telling her to end it with Ramsey. He was fighting for her happiness. His mistakes with Bekah were far from what she was dealing with right now with Ramsey, but they had their similarities.

But she didn’t know if she was ready to make that decision. She could work things out with Ramsey. She could make things right. She could be happy…right?

“I see what you’re thinking. You have it written all over your face. You’re making a terrible mistake,” he pleaded with her.

Jack Howard was pleading with her.

She felt years of need pressing on her from all sides. She had wanted this. She had wanted him to fight for her. And now that he was, what was she supposed to do?

Three years with Ramsey, an engagement ring, a wedding…

That she had asked him to postpone.

“I can’t make a decision like that right now. It’s midnight. I’m exhausted. I still have to talk to Ramsey. I can’t…”

“Excuses,” he said quickly. “You already know you’re not happy. You wouldn’t be here if you were. Why did you stay friends with me, Lexi?”

Lexi bit her lip and turned away. She didn’t like to answer that question.

“You could have cut me loose. You could have used me for the D-Bags show and then never saw me again. You probably should have walked away from all the bullshit that I put you through, but you didn’t. Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” she whispered. “I don’t know what you expect from me.”

“The only thing you’ve ever expected from me, Lex. The truth. Why? Why, after everything, did you stay friends with me? Why did you still see me? Why are you helping me with the divorce?” he asked, following her as she walked a few steps away from him. “I just want to hear what you have to say.”

“Because I couldn’t, all right?” she cried. “I couldn’t walk away. I was bound and determined to leave you in the dust after you married that f**king Bitch. You gave her a duplicate of my ring, and then you married her! I didn’t even want to think about you, let alone see you. And still, you managed to wiggle your way back in.”

She turned around and smacked his chest again. He let her lash out without even trying to stop her. She wasn’t really hurting him, but she wished that she had the energy to. She wished she had the energy to fight him and not cave to his words.

“I wanted you gone, but then when I was around you again, it felt right. It always feels so right and so easy. Then, you were my friend…even when I thought you were going to try something…even when I f**king wanted it, you held back. You were the only person aside from Chyna that I could count on. Do you know how f**king strange that has been? But I didn’t just like it…I started craving it. You were always there to pick me up. You even defended me against Bekah…your own f**ked-up wife. I let you be that person. And now what?”

Lexi stopped fighting him and hung her head low. Her hands still rested on his chest where she had been hitting him.

“You’re still here. You’re still a part of me. I can’t seem to get rid of you, Jack. And I don’t want to,” she whispered, defeated.

“And I don’t want you to either,” he said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “Seth has always said that you’re my girl. Well…I’m your guy. I always have been. I’ve just been too damn scared to do anything about it. But I’ll be damned if I let you slip through my fingers again. I’m yours. You’re mine. Just…be mine.”

“It’s not that easy, Jack,” she said, tears pooling in her eyes.

His thumbs brushed against her cheeks, sweeping away the fallen tears. “Nothing is ever easy with us, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth fighting for. The best things in life are worth fighting for, and you’re the best thing I’ve ever had in my life.”

She couldn’t breathe. It was just like Jack to flip her world upside down. It was just like him to make her feel the most intense emotions. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

Jack continued, “I don’t want it to be easy. I just want it to be right, and the only way it’s ever going to be right is with you.”