Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(145)

"Chica, can you even hear me?" Lexi hadn't noticed that she had still been talking. What was so important? She just wanted to drift away...far away from this time and place. "Lexi wake up. What has gotten into you?" she asked shaking her shoulders gently. She felt her head loll back and forth as her neck lost control of keeping her head upright. She still didn't make a move to speak up. Chyna looked to be near to tears and there was nothing Lexi could or would do about it. She just wanted to be left alone. "I just...I don't know what to do with her," she murmured standing and speaking to Lexi's roommates. "What could have happened to her?"

Chyna jumped backwards as a knock sounded from the front door. Rachelle crossed the room swiftly and gasping as it swung open.

"You son of a bitch," Chyna cried stalking across the space. "What the hell did you do to her Jack?"

"I...Lex," he murmured softly glancing around Chyna at Lexi's near statuesque form.

Lexi glanced up for the first time feeling as if she had been awakened from a dream. She honestly hadn't expected to ever hear her name uttered by his voice ever again. "Jack."

He attempted to enter the apartment, but Chyna blocked his way. "How dare you think you can just walk back into her life like this! She's been sitting like a completely unresponsive rock for the past seven hours because of you...and you think..."

"Chyna cut it out," Lexi commanded her voice weak but controlled. "Let him in."

"Are you sure?" Chyna asked biting down on her lip. It looked like the last thing she wanted to do in the whole wide world.

"Yes." That settled it and she moved away letting him enter the dorm. Rachelle shut the door behind him and quickly made her, Claire, and Elizabeth very busy. Chyna stood by ostensibly ready to pounce at any second in the event that he hurt her friend again. Lexi sighed. "I'm alright Chyna. You can go. I know you're supposed to be meeting with Frederick today. He hates when you're late."

"He can deal," she grumbled not budging.

"Go. I won't have him angry with me. I'll call you if I need you." Chyna looked anxious about the situation but, eventually, nodded and left.

Lexi noticed how bad she ached all over for the first time since that morning. She had never fixed her dehydration problem and every muscle in her body was crying out from thirst. Her eyelids were heavy and pink lips chapped. Her back ached for sitting ramrod straight for seven hours. Most of all, her heart hurt terribly. She had closed off her emotions when he had walked out the door, but now with him standing in front of her it all came back in a wave. Her heart was tearing, breaking, being shred to pieces and it was unlike anything she had ever experienced. She wanted to gasp out in pain, but she kept her mouth closed and held in her aches. Jack had come here for a reason and she wanted to know what that reason was.

"You said if I had something more to talk to you about...anything better that I should come back," he told her speaking quietly as he sat next to her on the couch.

"It took you seven hours to think of something good enough to say to me?" she whispered her voice raspy.

"Please Lex," he pleaded his blue eyes boring into her.

"Go ahead."

Jack took a deep breath before speaking. "I've always been the kind of person who believed that I'd never find someone I wanted to commit to. That after all the shit I went through with my parents' divorce, I'd never want to be with someone indefinitely. I'd never see another person as anything more than just a divorce waiting to happen. I pushed every person I've ever been with away from me, and for what?

"I did it because I was scared. I did it because I was selfish. I wanted everything and really all I was doing was accepting nothing. And you…you my dear," he said his hands reaching for her cheek but dropping before he reached her. "I hurt you more than all of them. I lied, cheated, and took you for granted. You were it for me, and I managed to even f**k that up.

"I f**k up because I don't know how to do anything else. I'm worthless. I'm less than worthless. I should never have been in a relationship in the first place. If anyone had known what I was capable of, they would have run. But you knew and you stuck by me. You put up with me even when you had no reason to. I know I'm terrible at showing it but I do love you. I want you to know that you have my heart. You always have and you always will."

"Jack, how can you say that to me?" Lexi asked fighting back tears.

"Because it's the truth," he murmured.

"But you've never been able to show that to me."

"I might be able to." Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. Jack's hand reflexively went to his pocket and dug around for a second before producing a tiny black box. Lexi gasped as her eyes took on the shape of a jewelry box.

"What...what's in there?" she asked her voice shaking. Her eyes were wide with wonder and a hint of fear.

He cracked the box open revealing an exquisite princess cut diamond with a string of matching diamonds on either side. The band was pure white gold. It had an old timey feel to it, but Lexi had never laid her eyes on a more beautiful ring. "This was what I was going to give to you to prove that you have my heart."

Lexi hand flew to her mouth in shock. She couldn't help shaking her head in disbelief. No. Not now. Not after everything. She couldn't drag her eyes away from the amazing diamond.