Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(142)

"Lex, I didn't have a motive. It just happened. You of all people should know what that feels like."

"No I don't know what that feels like! I never just slept with someone without forethought."

"You're such a liar. When we first slept together you had no intention of sleeping with me and then we did."

"Whatever. That was us though Jack. We're...different." She so desperately wanted to make him understand.

"You're such a hypocrite," he cried throwing his hands up in the air. "What do you think we were doing the whole time we were with other people? We were cheating on them. We were the bad guys."

"I know that," she yelled back forcefully.

"Then why the f**k are you getting so pissed off about what happened? I f**ked up alright. We've done that before," he said pushing away his feeling towards his actions.

"Oh don't even go there with me Jack. You know that's not true. We both know what we are. We cheated on other people, and that was what defined us. That was what defined our connection for quite some time."

"Then why are you freaking out?" he asked exasperated.

"I just thought that by finally being together this would stop," she mumbled.

"You thought we would change being the people that we are just because we're together now? Or not even really together actually."

Lexi cringed in at his words. Those had been her words. She had been the one afraid of any sort of commitment with him. Yet, he had claimed that they were together to Clark. "You told Clark we were together," she whispered.

He looked away from her. "Well we're not together. We never have been. So please Lex, stop freaking out. I told you what happened because of what we are."

A small part of her wished that he had lied to her. That would have made things easier, but she knew that she wasn't thinking rationally. Honestly, she should have known this was going to happen. She should have seen it a mile off that she wasn't anything different to him. She would never be anything different to him. But she hadn't seen that. She had blinded herself to his easy charm and comforting ways. She had been suckered in and left hanging out to dry all over again. Except this time it was worse, because this wasn't happening to some poor sap that happened across his path. No. This happened to Lexi, and she knew better. She had been there when every other girl had been defeated. Usually because of her, but not this time.

But it still felt like she had been defeated by her own doing. This had happened because she had allowed herself to continue to get caught up in him. And no matter what she should have known that something would happen. She shouldn't have pushed her gut feelings behind her. Instincts sent sparks throughout her body pleading with her to stay away or else, but she didn't listen. How could she listen? This was Jack. He was all she had ever wanted. He had always been the thing that she had wanted. Then for him to confess his sins to her, and wonder why she was even angry just blew her mind.

"I shouldn't have thought you would change," she grumbled pushing her hair behind her ears angrily. "I should have known you wouldn't respect me anymore than the rest."

"Come on, Lex. It isn't like that. You know you aren't like anyone else," he pleaded.

"What do you even mean by that? Did you think you could just che…" she caught herself before finishing the words not wanting to instigate another round of we're not even together conversation, "sleep with someone else and I would be okay with it? Is that how you thought I was different?"

"Well…" he ran his hands back through his long shaggy hair his blue eyes lit up with the energy in the conversation. Lexi's mouth gaped open at his lack of response. "I didn't know you'd freak out like this. After what happened with us, I don't know…" he said trailing off.

"See I knew what we were. I knew that we had cheated on other people with each other, but I guess I never thought I'd be on the other end of this…this hurt. I just ignorantly thought that now that we were something that wouldn't come between us. We're meant for each other Jack, and you just went and ugh," she shrieked angrier than before at his apparent ignorance of the gravity of the situation.

"I'm sorry Lex, but I don't see why you'd freak out about this after everything."

"And there in lies the problem," she mumbled slumping down to the floor. "I thought you only cheated on other people because it was me. After all, I never cheated with anyone else other than you. But it wasn't me all along was it Jack? There were probably others, and the connection I thought I was feeling was all a lie."

"What?" he asked shocked. "No, that's not the case at all. I didn't lie to you."

"So you didn't sleep with anyone else while you were with Danielle or Kate?" she accused.

"You mean besides Danielle and Kate?" he asked pointedly.

Lexi chocked on those words. "You slept with Kate."

He looked down sheepishly. "Uh…yeah. Did I not mention that?"

Lexi shook her head trying to wrap her mind around that. The virgin had given up her virginity to the man who had cheated on her on numerous occasions. And for what reason? Just to be left behind. Lexi couldn't process the information. She just couldn't deal with it right now…not with everything else. "Yes, besides them."