A Wild Ride (Jessica Brodie Diaries #3)(38)

“But hanging on?”

“Barely. Some days, barely. Texas has been my life blood some days, but my worst nightmare others. Adam is right to be defeated up by it. Especially with his past. I’m sure I looked worse than he described. I don’t know why William isn’t more messed up. Maybe he’s better at hiding it. I’ve been through some shit. But I’m still here. Somehow.”

“I’d give anything to be in those shoes instead of you. I’d give anything for a crack at Dusty.”

“You wouldn’t even be phased by him. You’d probably knock him out accidentally. Then make fun of me.”

“I wouldn’t… Look. Truth?” Lump turned to me, baring her soul, tears coming to her eyes. “I’ve always had a special place for you. You think you are a pessimist, but in reality, you think only the best of everything. Then you’re still shit on. Constantly. It is heart breaking to see. You get so few breaks you haven’t worked your ass off for. The courage you’ve always shown when you’re in over your head has always made my chest hurt. Then to see you go through one of your…Texan issues. To walk into a room, with two dead bodies, and my friend lying on the ground with blood inching toward her head—it’s unbearable. I would take your place, if only to ease your suffering. I can’t bare it. I think Willie dies a little everyday thinking of what he heard and saw on the news. I don’t blame him. The horror is still in your eyes. You are still half wild. And it kills me.”

I sat still for a minute, my throat constricted. I really didn’t want to hear any of that. Heartwarming on one hand, fairly awful on the other.

“Do you think William will break up with me?”

Lump, a tear breaking loose, threw a shirt at me. “See what I mean? All this turmoil is happening to you, and you worry about Willie leaving you. He’s a lucky f**king guy, I’ll say that much.”

“Except for the fact that his girlfriend is so much drama.”

“Glass half full: I think that just helps him realize how much he can’t live without you.”

“Or he likes S&M and hasn’t told me yet.”

“Let’s hope it’s my theory.”

Between Lump and I we had the clothes in the closet and organized in no time. I still had space to use up if I wanted it. Normally, I would decide a shopping trip was essential. However, for some reason I just didn't feel like bothering.

Adam and William were relaxing in the living room watching a game on TV. Lump walked to Adam and sat down next to him, putting her hand on his leg, taking a sip of his beer. I followed suit, leaning up against William. He put his arm around me and hugged me close. It felt good. But soon I was bored. I hated watching sports games.

Without thinking I patted him on the chest with the intent to get up, tell him to call me later, and head out. It wasn't until then that I realized I didn't have anywhere else to go. I got up anyway, asked Lump if she needed a beer; she assented so I got her one. I didn't feel like one myself.

I walked around listlessly, like Fred when he couldn't find his bed. Consequently, Ginger walked around with me. I was the only constant thing she knew since she’d left the ranch, so she followed me around like a security blanket, even though Fred had been returned to me.

Although, the Fred returned was a sorry state for the dog I knew. He was a mope and grumpy and whiney—just like a man. The lampshade and a few patches of stiches wasn’t making him feel any better.

Making a decision, I called both dogs. In the living room again, William looked to me concertedly. Adam still had the studying expression on his face, and Lump ignored me completely. This was her way of letting me figure this out for myself. She didn't have experience with this and could offer me no guidance.

"I am going to take Fred and Ginger to the ranch to run around," I said more brassily then I intended.

"Are you okay?" William asked.

"Yeah, but I'm bored. And Fred needs exercise, so..."

"I'll come with." He started to get up. “Fred should be babied, and Ginger pushed.”

"Willie, hang out with Adam," Lump said, jumping up. "He's getting on my nerves. Plus, I want to see what Jessica has learned at school."

Before William knew what was going on, Lump was ushering me out the door with two big dogs in tow.

"We'll see y'all tonight!" Adam yelled out the door.

We were going to Gladis’s for a move in celebration. The only people celebrating, of course, were male. Funny how the tables had turned.

Lump and I were silent on the way to the ranch. When we got there, I let both the dogs out, then had to prompt them to run around. Ginger, finally, took off sprinting, and Fred did a couple jogging type steps before coming back to me. I didn’t push further. He was undoubtedly as messed up as I was.

“Gladis told me that you were buying Adam furniture,” I blurted.

Lump looked out at the distant clouds. “Yeah.”

“What if you and him break up?”

Still looking into the distance she said, “I don’t ever want to. He’s the first space of home I’ve ever felt. So I’ve been going with that. But if that happens—well…I’ve wasted a few dollars.”

“So why does it matter whose money it is?”

She looked at me, speculating. “If I move in, which I have a feeling will come shortly, since Adam hates to be outdone by Willie—so if I do, then I want a bartering chip. If shit goes down, and one of us has to go…well, if I go, I take everything in the house with me. Without him I have no roof. Without me he has to start over with only an outer shell. It seemed fair.”