The Last Black Unicorn(54)

I went in and got the tickets myself, and we were all set for one of the boats. I got Jada and Will out of the car, and we went to the boat, and nobody was saying nothing. This was 2016, everyone was on their phones, right?

Then this redneck dude with missing teeth yelled out, “Oh shoot, that’s Will Smith, right there.”

And everybody on the boat noticed, right as we stepped on the boat. They started clapping, everybody started hollering and cheering. I stepped on first, and I was like:

Tiffany: “Thank you, thank you everyone, thank you so much.”

And people literally yelled out, “No, not you. Move out of the way!! Will, Jada! Oh my gosh!”

And I was like, That’s messed up. I’m the one who brought them!

Redneck: “Hey Will, what part of Philadelphia you from?”

Will: “West Philadelphia.”

Redneck: “Born and raised, right? Did you spend most of your days on the playground?”

Will: “Yeah. Yeah, man.”

Redneck: “Can I get a picture?”

Then a girl jumped up and she asked if she can get a picture, and somebody else asked if they can get a picture, and then Will stood up:

Will: “Look, ladies and gentlemen, this is the Cajun swamp tour, not the Will Smith tour. So let’s just enjoy ourselves and see what we can see, and once we’re done on this tour, then maybe Jada and I will take pictures with you. Is that okay with everybody? Is that all right with everybody?”

Everyone cheered for him again. I was all mad and jealous, because he didn’t even say anything funny, and they’re cheering and clapping and laughing. This is what fame and money does. I need to get some damn money.

But it worked. We were just enjoying the swamp tour, and we were learning about nutria, which is the largest rodent. We learned about the different birds in the swamp. It was really beautiful. We saw like six alligators, and we got to feed marshmallows to the raccoons and alligators, it was really cool.

Will kept asking the tour guide a bunch of questions and stuff, and everybody was loving that, because Will Smith was talking.

Near the end of the tour, Will was just sitting there with his legs crossed, like how rich guys cross their legs, the ankle on the knee so their balls can drop, and he was just sitting there chilling.

Will: “Man, Tiffany, this is beautiful.”

Tiffany: “I know, right?”

Will: “I’m gonna have to get me one of these.”

Tiffany: “What, one of these boats?”

Will: “No, a swamp.”

Tiffany: “What?!”

I was thinking to myself, This nigga ’bout to buy an ecosystem?

I couldn’t just let him top me, though.

Tiffany: “You know what, I’m gonna buy me something, too.”

Will: “What?”

Tiffany: “I’m gonna buy me an iceberg, and I’m gonna melt it into yo swamp. Fuck up all yo complex ecosystem.”

Will: “Hahahahahahaha. You’re crazy, Tiffany.”

Tiffany: “I might be. I might be crazy. Or maybe I’m just high as fuck.”





Getting a Hollywood Assistant


Another thing Jada and Will talked to me about was getting an assistant. They insisted that I hire one.

They explained that having an assistant—giving somebody else the responsibility of the smaller things, the day-to-day things that you would normally do—helps you to be more focused on your art and your talent:

Jada: “Tiffany, you shouldn’t have to be running the dogs to the groomer’s or taking clothes to the dry cleaner’s. That’s an assistant’s job. They should be helping you with that.”

Tiffany: “Really?”

Jada: “Yes! You need peace and quiet for your art. Your assistant should be screening calls so you don’t have to be talking to everybody, because you need your peace. It’s very important to have your peace.”

Tiffany: “I like peace and quiet.”

Jada: “If you have an assistant, then they can take a lot of the worry and the stress off you. Because the more successful you get, the heavier the workload gets, and the more normal things that you would do, you can’t do anymore, because you got other things to deal with. So give that responsibility to someone else.”

So I hired a dude to be my assistant.

My lawyer wrote up the NDA, got it signed. And this guy worked for me for like a week. He was cool, very happy, and nice.

I fired him right away.

I just didn’t feel comfortable with it. I don’t know why. I feel like it’s me giving up my power, and I can’t give up my power.

I worked so hard to be independent and to have things for myself, and take care of myself. It’s hard for me to let somebody else take care of me. Plus, I’ve been taking care of myself for so long.

He didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just me. I got trust issues.

One of my friends asked me why I felt this way. I think about it all the time. Part of it is my childhood and what I’ve been through. I could never really rely on anybody, I always had to do things myself. It’s just hard changing those thought patterns, you know?

And also, I have trust issues with people being in my personal stuff. For example, I shop a lot online, I don’t want nobody telling me, “Jeez, you’re buying a lot of stuff from Amazon and Tophatter, why you got so many Groupons? Like, you’re doing a lot of Groupon stuff, why are you doing all this stuff?”