Redemption(47)
“I didn’t think about it. All I thought about was helping Annie, but now, that threat is becoming very real, and I don’t want to do it.”
He had no idea his chuckles were upsetting me, nor why they would. Dan assumed I was an emotional wreck due to pregnancy hormones…and that wasn’t his fault.
“Please stop laughing. Whether you think it’s valid or not, the fear is real.”
A blank stare washed over his features when he realized how serious I was. “Okay. I’m sorry. Surely there are other options. Don’t people have babies at home? Like in a bathtub or something? Maybe we could do that.”
“Water births?”
“Hell, I don’t know what they’re called, I just know I’ve been unfortunate enough to see them play videos at the doctor’s office you go to.”
The idea seemed perfect to me even in its infancy. “Do you think Annie and Brett would go for it? I’m surprised you would.”
“I don’t know why they wouldn’t, if you’d have a medical professional with you. And you’re right, if it’s not safe, if your doctor doesn’t agree with it as a viable option, I won’t be supportive. But today is the perfect day to ask the questions.”
He’d eased enough of my anxiety to get out of the shower. The faster I dried my hair and got dressed, the sooner I could start researching water births. It didn’t take me long to have my hopes set on delivering at home. Only two things stood between me and childbirth in my living room—Annie and Dr. Matthews. But with what I’d spent the last hour reading, Annie would be the harder of the two to convince—or so I thought.
I needed to talk to her before the ultrasound tomorrow so we could all discuss options with our OBGYN together. My finger hovered over her name on my phone before I finally pressed send.
“Hey, Liss. What are you guys up to this morning?”
There was no smooth way to ease into this topic, so I opted to blurt it out. “Would you consider a water birth instead of going the traditional route?”
“I hadn’t thought about it. Do you not want to have the baby in a hospital?”
I evaded that question and launched into the speech I had mentally prepared in hopes of convincing her to do things my way. “I’ve been reading about home births and how much calmer and more relaxing they are for the woman and the child—not having drugs pumped into me which then reach the baby before delivery or the impersonal feel of the hospital. But what I thought would be most appealing for all of us, is everyone would be able to witness the birth. You could be in the pool to catch the baby, be the first one to hold your child, be the first to know if it was a boy or a girl. Brett could cut the cord, and Dan could be with me, too, which he wouldn’t be able to do at the hospital because they only allow two other people in the room… Is that crazy?”
“I could catch the baby?”
I’d used her weakness against her to save myself from my demons. It was wrong on many levels, but ultimately, it would be a solitary moment Annie got with her child, a secret she’d hold for a brief blip of time before anyone else knew. It seemed perfect and helped me.
“In all the videos I watched, the father was in the pool at the end with the mother, so I don’t know why it couldn’t be you instead?”
Her breath hitched on the other end. I knew she was crying but hoped they were tears of joy at the possibility of being more involved in the delivery and not her worried about how she would tell me I was an idiot for making such an outlandish suggestion.
“I think that would be perfect, Lissa. I’ll talk to Brett so if he gives it the go-ahead we can try to talk to Dr. Matthews.”
I never had to mention the financial benefits of not incurring a hospital stay, or any of the fifteen other details I’d left out of my proposal. If Annie were in, Brett would give her whatever she wanted.
Two hours later, Annie called back to tell me Brett thought the idea made sense for everyone, and she’d talked to Dr. Matthews, who had given her the name of the midwife he worked with for home births. Her name was Meegan, and Annie and I had an appointment to meet her this afternoon.
15
Chapter Fifteen
Past
“Lissa, if you two don’t get on the road soon, it’s going to be too late to leave.”
My parents owned a beach house on South Padre Island, and I was taking a long weekend to decompress. I didn’t usually make the drive alone, but Matt had Drill, and I had to be back at school on Monday. I was exhausted—sleep deprived was a more accurate term—but everything pulled me in different directions, and I’d over-committed myself this semester. I wanted to make a good impression on the new Dean. I wasn’t a tenured Professor, and there were always teachers vying for coveted spots on the University’s payroll. I loved my job, not just the classes and the lectures, but the ensembles, the private lessons, and the rare gift of a brilliant musician. They were all good, but this year, I’d been impressed by two in particular, and they took up hours of my day. I allocated resources to them they couldn’t afford…my time. Both were here on full music scholarships, so they fell to my tutelage by default, but selfishly, working with them one-on-one honed my own skills. But I still had the responsibilities the University paid me for, along with those I offered.