Redemption(52)
Everyone took their seats, and my knee thrashed nervously beneath the table. Jethro’s hand landed firmly on my thigh near my knee with a squeeze. He held it there until the bouncing ceased, and I could control my body.
“Has the jury reached a decision?” The judge seemed as anxious for this to be over as I was.
When the foreman for the jury stood, the world around me went quiet. Everyone waited with their breath held, and their eyes trained on the man about to speak. “We have, your Honor. We find the defendant not guilty on the count of manslaughter. We find the defendant guilty on the count of second-degree child endangerment.”
Nothing else mattered. The legalities of the proceeding continued, but I’d heard all I needed. I had put my child in danger, and it had resulted in his death…even if it was involuntary. The murmurs around the courtroom brought me back to the present. Court had been dismissed, and the attorneys were speaking amongst themselves. I knew Jethro would be pleased with the outcome. He’d never expected an acquittal. Not in the state of Texas. But he’d been hopeful I wouldn’t serve any jail time. A manslaughter conviction came with a minimum of two years and hefty fines. Child endangerment was likely parole and a lot of money, but no incarceration.
I shouldn’t have been surprised my parents showed up for the sentencing when they hadn’t attended the trial, but I was. I don’t know if they were there to see that they got justice for my son, or if they hoped for leniency. They didn’t speak to me and sat on the plaintiff’s side of the courtroom, so I had to assume it was the former.
I had been granted the chance to speak to the courtroom before my sentence was handed down. The thought crossed my mind to let it go, but in the end, I needed to address them for Joshua. The world had to know I loved my son. Jethro had not told me my parents had been given that same opportunity, or that they would get to go first.
My father stood before the court, as though his words were directed solely at me, and no one else was here to witness them. “It’s hard to imagine the devastation a parent feels when their child does something as careless as ours has. The scrutiny we’ve faced in the community pales in comparison to the devastation we live with daily. Our daughter took the life of our only grandchild. The grandson we adored. Because of our daughter’s negligence, we will never see the man Joshua might have become. We won’t have him for holidays, or birthdays. He’ll never use the room in our house that’s there just for him. Our lives are irrevocably changed because of a poor decision.
“When my wife and I decided to come today, we determined it had to be for Joshua. Someone had to speak on his behalf, so his life was not lost in vain.”
His suit was stuffy, and he came across as pretentious, at least to me…I had no idea what anyone else in the room thought. The truth was, it didn’t matter. The judge would make the final decision, but their words and mine would be recorded, recited in the media, and witnessed over and over again. And they’d chosen to come in support of my son, even when that meant they’d come against me. It stung, but I understood their position. And I was honored they loved my son enough to take it.
His eyes bored holes in me while he delivered his request to the court. I knew my father, and he was making a statement to me. This was our end, but he respected me enough to hold my stare while he made it.
“We ask that the court punish Melissa to the fullest extent of the law in hopes that this will be a reminder to parents everywhere of just how precious a child’s life is…and how one careless decision, or a multitude of them, can end in demise.”
I didn’t cry. I swallowed back the lump in my throat and straightened my spine before I took the floor.
My voice was meek when I began to speak, and Jethro motioned he couldn’t hear me. I cleared my throat and stood taller. “I had planned to write my address to the court and then read it but decided it would be better to speak from my heart.
“I’m not going to stand here and hand out excuses. I’m not going to offer a laundry list of reasons this happened. I accept that I made poor choices that day and in the weeks leading up to it. But those choices were made in love. Love for my students, love for music, love for my fiancé, and most importantly, love for my son. That love, for each of those things, had me pushing physical limits I never should have embarked on, and because of that, the world will never know Joshua Matthew Nelson. I stole that from the universe and those who cherished him. If I could go back, I’d do so many things differently, but I can’t. I will live knowing I robbed people I loved of something they can never get back. My heart aches to know my son was in pain when he left the world. It shreds me to think he was frightened—that he’d screamed. It ruins me to believe I could have done something differently—because I could have. My son’s death was an accident, one I’ll pay for dearly until I take my last breath.” The tears stained my cheeks, but I didn’t wipe them away. I resumed my spot next to Jethro and waited with my eyes cast downward.
When the judge finally spoke, her voice boomed through the small courtroom, and each word hit me like a bat. “Situations like these are never easy for anyone. There are no winners here regardless of the sentence I hand down. While I do believe you made mistakes, Ms. Jackson, I do not believe I need to further destroy another life. The struggles you will face as this follows you around will far outweigh my punishment.” She took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh that was magnified by the microphone in front of her. “I hereby sentence you to three years of probation and ten thousand dollars.”