Redemption(31)
“Where’ve you been?”
My fingertips massaged my temples, and I closed my eyes. “Lawyer.”
“I would have gone with you.”
He certainly hadn’t given me any indication of that. “It’s fine.”
“What did he say?”
“That I’m going to be convicted…which I already knew.” My head pounded with each syllable out of my mouth and even worse with every step I took. I opened the cabinet to retrieve some medicine for my headache. The powder didn’t taste great, but the thought of moving to get a glass was far more revolting.
“You might want to get another attorney if he’s already throwing in the towel.”
“I’m not fighting a manslaughter charge, Matt. I’m guilty. That’s the way the system works. I committed a crime. I face the consequences. He’s hopeful he can get the charges reduced.”
He gave me a headlift indicating there was something to my left. I turned to see an envelope on top of several pages of paper on the island.
“What’s that?”
“Orders.” There were times I hated the militant way he carried himself. It wouldn’t hurt for him to soften the blow. “I deploy in nine months.”
My head and attention jerked from the mail to my fiancé. “Where?”
“Afghanistan.”
Matt got to run. It wouldn’t have surprised me if he’d found a loop hole to request deployment. In his mind, that was likely preferable to being here with me and enduring a lengthy trial and further humiliation.
“Okay.”
“That’s all you have to say?”
“Will my bitching about it change the Army’s mind?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“End result is the same. You get time away. Maybe it will help us heal.” Or tear us apart.
11
Chapter Eleven
Dan and I met Annie and Brett at our favorite pizza place downtown. It was still fairly early in the evening, and families scurried around with their children. Brett and Dan regaled us with stories of their youth and college days that didn’t seem to fit either of their personalities now.
Every detail of Dan’s past piqued my curiosity; I soaked it up like a sponge. As we approached the one year mark, I wondered if he was as serious about the relationship as I was. We weren’t getting any younger, and in my opinion, either he knew I was it, or I wasn’t. Annie and I had discussed it at length, but she didn’t have any more insight into his plans than I did. She’d badgered Brett trying to get the scoop, but he’d been close-lipped about the whole thing knowing Annie would tell me whatever he told her. Now, we both waited. We had compared time frames, hoping Dan might mimic Annie and Brett’s, but that still put me a couple of months out for any confirmed commitment.
I watched as Annie’s attention shifted from the conversation to the woman who’d just come through the door. The smile fell from her face, and somber envy replaced it. The woman looked like she was two weeks past her due date, and the little girl clutching her hand was adorable. The man with her escorted them both to the counter. I chanced a peek in Annie’s direction, her eyes started to pool with unshed tears.
“Baby envy?” My words sucked Annie out of her dazed stupor and back to the people at our table. “They’re cute. I think it would be awesome to be pregnant, but I wouldn’t want the whole baby part after. Too much responsibility for me—no thank you.” The words came off effortlessly, as though I actually believed them. Parts of them were true, while others were lies I’d fabricated to pacify myself…hoping someday I’d believe them.
The silence at the table stopped my giggle. The pained expression on Annie’s face caught me off guard, and I quickly turned to Dan. “Oh no, what did I say?”
Brett started to answer, but Annie silenced him with her hand on his forearm. I had no idea what I’d said to bring on her mood swing, but it had been accidental. I would never intentionally cause her, or anyone else, undue distress. Before Annie could speak, Dan did.
“Brett and Annie have been trying to get pregnant for a long time. It’s just a tough topic.”
The words were like a dagger to my heart. As close as the two of us had become, there were still things about her everyday life I wasn’t privy to. I leaned across the booth and took her hands in mine. “Oh no, Annie. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean anything by that. Please forgive me.”
She waved me off as though my faux pas was insignificant and released my hand to grab a napkin. Before the first round of tears soaked her cheeks, she swiped at them with the scratchy paper, effectively erasing any trace of their existence. “It’s okay. I don’t talk about it much. You had no way of knowing.”
Brett glanced at Annie and then to me. “Annie’s had two miscarriages.” He paused as though waiting for Annie to stop him from sharing their story, but she allowed him to continue uninterrupted. “After the second one, she underwent some exploratory procedures. It’s unlikely we will be able to have children of our own; there’s too much scar tissue from the D&C she had with the first miscarriage.”
My reaction likely seemed odd to them, but in my heart, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt why I’d come into Annie’s life. “Have you considered a surrogate?” My face was burning with glee. This was my opportunity to right my wrong, to give life where I’d taken it in the past. It should have been something I spent more time contemplating, but it felt right. The suggestion rolled off the tip of my tongue without hesitation.