Rapid Falls(59)

“Cara . . .” He chokes out my name.

I cut him off. “I can’t be here right now. I need to think. I’m not sure I can do this anymore.” I walk to our room, anger lending me an unearned sobriety. I don’t feel drunk anymore. I feel alive. I won’t let a man hurt me again. I’ll get a hotel room tonight. My suitcase is half-full before I even register what I’m doing.

I am leaving Rick. Leaving Maggie. Reality fights through the fog of anger and alcohol in my mind. This has all gone wrong. Anna is destroying my life, again. This is not supposed to be happening; I have clawed through hell to be everything Anna is not. Beautiful. Successful. Happily married. Free.

Rick looms in the doorway.

“What is it?” I say. My tone is neutral. I could forgive him right now, if he’s sorry enough.

“You are acting crazy. How can you even think of doing this? What is wrong with you?”

His words make me hate him. I turn away, snapping the suitcase closed. Something bad is going to happen if I stay in this room. I can’t trust myself when I get this angry. I weave around him and rush down the stairs.

“Goodbye, Rick,” I say over my shoulder, nearly out the door. Rick follows me.

“Anna’s rehab ends tomorrow. She’s heading to Rapid Falls. To stay with your dad. He asked her to come back. To get better.”

“What?” The words sting, as he wants them to. He knows my dad hasn’t invited me there since I was in college.

“You should go too, Cara. You need to deal with this. With her. With that town. With yourself.” He sounds disgusted, not angry. As if my past has already rotted my core. “Figure this out, Cara. Because until you do, you’re not setting a foot back in this house.”

“It’s not your decision where I go, Rick.”

“No, it’s not. But it’s my decision whether or not you return here.” He stands in front of the door and plants his feet in front of me as if staking a claim. “Go home, Cara,” he says. Until tonight, he has never called Rapid Falls my home.

“Get out of my way.”

He steps aside and I grab the handle.

“How could you do this to us?” he says to my back as I open the door.

I turn and look at him blankly. I’ve done so many things wrong that I can’t tell which one he’s talking about. I close the door without a word and walk down the street. I’ll stay at Anna’s tonight. It is the least she can do for me since this is all her fault.





CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

June 1997

Jesse slammed the door as he got out of the truck. I waited for Wade to slide out, and then I got out too, stepping around the edge of a huge puddle. Wade slapped his arm across Jesse’s back.

“Let’s do this!” Jesse said. His voice was loud with excitement. It was contagious, and I felt my anger start to fade as I stared at the fire about two hundred yards away from us. Our graduation night at the Field had begun. We stood on the uneven, muddy ground, just steps from Jesse’s truck, to take it all in. The Field was crammed with cars and trucks; Jesse had parked so far away that we were practically in the forest. It was a good sign. It was only 10:00 p.m., and it already looked like this might be the biggest graduation party that Rapid Falls had ever seen.

“Looks like everyone in town is here,” Wade said, handing me a can before grabbing the case of beer for himself and Jesse. “This is it, guys. Graduation night.”

“Yeah. Our graduation night, Wade. We made it,” Jesse said reverently. The enormity of his words swept me up in a wave of adrenaline. My grin felt almost maniacal. Tonight was going to be amazing. Jesse would apologize, and we would have make-up sex in the woods. Soon we would leave Anna and her pathetic flirtation. Everything would be fine once we moved away from Rapid Falls. This was our night. Nothing would spoil it.

“Ready?” I said. “Cheers, boys!”

Without hesitation, Jesse and Wade both punctured their unopened beers and gulped from the ragged holes. I did the same. Wade whooped and Jesse joined in; their voices sounded almost beautiful.

Wade popped another can as we walked together, avoiding a few small puddles along the way to the bonfire. I wondered if this was the last time we would ever come to the Field together. I wasn’t sure how often Jesse and I would get back to Rapid Falls after we moved. A few guys passed us on their way to the fire.

“Hey, Wade! Jesse! Cara! Right on!” Ross said. I wondered if Anna had seen him.

“Hi,” I said.

“This is your night! It’s awesome,” Ross said.

“Whiskey for all!” Wade shot a smile at me as he pulled a bottle out of his back pocket. It was the Rapid Falls equivalent of champagne. Wade was planning to share it with anyone who congratulated him.

“Sure! Let’s start the night right,” Jesse said, looking straight at me.

I allowed him a smile as I took his jacket off my shoulders. I could tell his words were the beginning of the apology he would give me later. “Do you want your jacket back?”

Jesse hesitated. It was a tradition in Rapid Falls for the guys in the graduating class to wear their jackets at the Field, but I could tell he was worried about upsetting me.

“Aren’t you cold?”

“I’m fine, Jesse. You should have it.”