Rapid Falls(56)

“What the hell?” I clink glasses with Brian, and we smile before we pour the liquor into our mouths. As I lower the shot glass, the world doubles for a moment and I blink hard.

I’m drunk, I think. Brian grins again. I must have said it out loud. It’s still light outside. It’s been a long time since I’ve been drunk in the daytime.

“Me too.” Brian smiles slowly.

“Cheers,” I say. Somehow I have another fresh drink in my hand. I’ll finish this and then go, I think.

Brian puts his hand on my leg. “Congratulations on today. It’s a big win for us.” He is leaning forward. He is really close. If I wanted to kiss him, I could, I think suddenly. For a moment, it seems that I’ve lost control, that my body is just going to do it. It’s the same feeling I used to have on the bridge in Rapid Falls. I always wanted to jump. But I never did.

“Brian,” I say. “I need to get home. It’s been a pleasure.” I slur slightly on the word pleasure. I slide off the edge of my chair. It tips a little, and I feel cold liquid on my hand and my shirt. I scan the patio again and am relieved to finally spot my purse. I wobble toward it, open my wallet, and turn back to the table to throw out a few bills. Far too much money for what I drank, but they’re the only bills I have, and I can’t trust myself to wait for the change. I get up and say my goodbyes to the others. I walk back to the bathroom and look in the mirror again. My eyes are bloodshot with dark circles forming underneath them. I look drunk. And sad. At least I haven’t made any big mistakes tonight. I nod to congratulate the drunk, tired woman in front of me for avoiding disaster. As I walk out of the restaurant, I eye the street for taxis, but there are none in sight. I spin slightly on my heel and scan down the street when a body bumps mine.

“Brian?”

He leans in and smiles, slowly. “I wanted to say goodbye properly.”

“I’m leaving,” I say, stepping back and ignoring the invitation in his smile.

“I figured.” He steps even closer. “I had a really good time with you, Cara.” He reaches for my hand and mock solemnly shakes it.

I laugh. The closeness of his body is making my heart beat faster, and I feel a flow of unprocessed alcohol rise up in my throat. “Me too.”

He leans in again and presses his lips against mine. I kiss him back. This man is not my husband. I pull away. People can see me. They can see what I just did.

“I need to get home now.” I overemphasize the last word and stumble a step backward.

“Cara?” He sounds confused.

I turn and walk away.





CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

June 1997

I didn’t even realize how angry I was until Anna tried to climb in the truck with me and Jesse and Wade to head up to the Field.

“Graduates only, Anna. Go with Sandy,” I said. “This truck is too small for four people.”

She looked at me with a hurt expression. “I just thought it would be fun for us all to be together tonight.”

“Just go.” Something in my voice made her turn quickly. Jesse heard it too. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him looking at me, like he was testing me, but I kept staring straight ahead. I needed to snap out of it. This was our night. I wasn’t going to let Anna’s stupid film project ruin it.

It’s just like at the diving rocks, I told myself. Jesse always climbed to the highest point before he jumped. That’s all it was. Just him pushing me, trying to figure out where the edge of the cliff might be.

“Are you okay?” Jesse asked.

“I’m fine. Just cold.” The air was warm, but my hands felt frozen.

“Here.” Jesse reached into the space behind the seats and pulled out his graduation jacket. “Put this on.”

“This is it! We did it!” Wade let out a chesty war whoop, and the call was returned from another house down the block. Everyone in Rapid Falls was either out, getting ready to go out, or preparing themselves to sleep through squealing tires and hollering guys like Wade.

“Finally free,” I said in agreement, forcing myself to sound happy. Wade waved his beer around in time with the bass of the stereo. Jesse started the truck and revved it. The engine roared.

“You’re still in neutral, numb-nuts,” Wade said as he cracked open another beer.

“Dude,” Jesse cautioned. “There’ll be police at the bottom of the hill.”

“Don’t matter. We’re heading up the back way. Want one, Cara?”

I shook my head. Wade took a deep draw of his beer and started a sentence, but Jesse cut him off.

“I can’t go the back way, Wade. I helped organize the dry graduation, remember? Officer Grey from Nicola likes me.” He winked. “She’ll be expecting me.” I knew he was joking to lighten my mood, but I felt irritation rise.

“She’s not going to notice, Jesse. The back way is a lot safer. How many drinks have you had tonight?” I said.

“Cara, calm down. I’m fine.”

“Are you?” I said testily.

“I’m better than fine, babe. I’m great.” He faked a swerve to the shoulder.

“Whoa!” Wade laughed and started whooping out the window again.

“Yeah. You’re the greatest. You were really great in Anna’s film,” I said sarcastically as I looked angrily out the windshield. Jesse’s body tensed with my words. Wade leaned over to turn up the music. I quickly glanced at Jesse. He seemed panicked, not self-righteous. He looked like he had done something wrong. My stomach lurched as he denied my accusation a moment too late.