Rapid Falls(58)

“I’ve been waiting up for you. I would have gone to bed an hour ago if I knew you were going to come home wasted.”

I get up, willing myself not to grab on to the couch for stability. “Okay. I should just go to bed then.” I can’t lift my eyelids above half mast.

“Cara, while I was waiting for you, I found this.” He’s waving his tablet at me. Even if I wasn’t drunk, I wouldn’t have been able to read the small type. Unfortunately I don’t need to read the fine print to see what page he has open. I recognize the header. The Rapid Falls Times. It’s the same website where I found the story of Josie, the girl who died at Rapid Falls.

I grab it clumsily. “Why are you looking at this?” My tongue blends the words together. I’m surprised Rick can understand me.

“I can’t believe you’ve kept this from me for so long.” He trails off. He sounds worried. I look him full in the face and decide it’s safer to go on the attack.

“Fine, Rick. Anna killed my boyfriend. Happy?” I am too drunk to feel the way I usually do when I say that sentence.

“Of course I’m not happy. We’ve been together for years, and you never once thought to mention this?”

“I don’t exactly advertise it,” I say dismissively.

Rick’s face contorts as if I’ve slapped him. “Are you serious? I’m not some random person. I’m your husband. The boy Anna killed wasn’t just a guy from your high school. He was your boyfriend. Don’t you think that matters? To us all?”

“Rick, stop.”

“I’m trying to help. You’re just too drunk to see it right now.”

I scoff. “You sound like your father.” Rule two. I can tell he notices because his neck goes blotchy, like it always does when he’s about to lose his temper.

“Cara, you can’t even see that you are falling apart. You’re breaking your own rules.”

“Our rules.”

“I don’t care about that stupid code, Cara.”

“It’s not stupid, Rick. Jesus. We have rules so we can keep everything straight.”

“Do you seriously need rules to tell you how to live with me? Okay, here’s some. Stop lying to your husband. Don’t drink every day.”

I feel like he has punched me in the stomach. “I am under a lot of pressure right now, Rick.”

“Yeah, it must be hard to lie to everyone you know all the time.” The accusation unleashes a dark fear that he is finally seeing me clearly.

“I am not a liar, Rick.” I remember Brian’s lips on mine. “You have no idea. You will never be able to understand. Just leave me alone.” I say the last words through clenched teeth.

“Maybe I don’t understand about back then. But I know what it’s like tonight and all the nights before. What is it with the Piper girls? Why are you both such drunks?”

Pure rage overcomes me, and I reach for the nearest thing I can find. Rick’s glass of water explodes against the wall. Shards fly into Maggie’s toy box. I am panting with anger. I am not like Anna. I will never be like Anna.

“Cara!” Rick looks horrified but I hear his fury. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

I try to calm down. “Nothing is wrong with me, Rick. Anna and I survived a horrible accident. I moved on. She did not.”

“Ha.” His laugh is sarcastic. The sound makes me want to throw another glass. “I’m not sure that getting wasted every day qualifies as moving on. You need therapy, Cara.”

He thinks that I’m like Anna. My anger swells again.

“What would therapy do? I loved Jesse more than I’ve ever loved you. And he’s dead. Anna killed him.” I throw the words at him as hard as I hurled the glass.

“Maybe you should have married someone like him. Then you could be back where you belong, and I wouldn’t have to worry that my alcoholic wife was going to smash things like we live in a trailer park.” He vengefully breaks the rule about bringing up our past. Just like me, he’s doing it on purpose now. The Code was designed for kindness, not cruelty.

“Yeah, sure, maybe I should have found someone with a heart. Someone like Jesse.” I spit out the words even though they aren’t true. Jesse was heartless too. Rick is really angry now. He yells at a low volume, trying not to wake up Maggie.

“My God, Cara. I feel like I don’t even know you. You’re drunk half the time. Generously speaking.” Cold spite enters his voice. “I’m just here to clean up the messes that you and Anna make.”

The anger at being compared to Anna again brings out the worst part of me. “You’re right,” I say coldly. Rick’s face screws up, perplexed at my admission. I can’t stop myself. “You don’t know me. Not at all.”

“What?”

“Only Jesse knew me.”

Rick shakes his head and looks down, but it’s not enough. I don’t want him to be sad. I want him to be punished. “I guess there’s always hope, though. I met someone tonight who reminded me a lot of Jesse. He was kind.”

“Cara, what are you talking about?” Rick looks confused.

I narrow my eyes before I deliver the fatal blow. “And such a good kisser. So much better than you.” I speak slowly so I can emphasize every word while looking straight into his eyes. He looks stunned.