Rapid Falls(57)

“Are you serious? It’s . . . an art project. It’s for her school.”

“Am I serious? How could you let her show that in front of Mr. and Mrs. Turner? It was embarrassing.”

Wade rolled his window down. “Mind if I smoke?”

“Yes,” said Jesse at the same time I asked Wade to give me one.

“Gross. You’re going to smoke?” Jesse said. I was looking at the road, but I could tell he was rolling his eyes.

“Tonight, I just might do anything.” I meant it as a joke, but my anger made the words seem threatening.

“Great,” he muttered.

“Like you have any right to be mad at me right now,” I said, deliberately blowing smoke in his direction.

“Oh really?” He laughed coldly. “You practically just accused me of screwing your sister because I helped her with a couple of scenes so she could get into film school.”

“No, Jesse, I accused you of flirting with her. You’re the one who said screwing.” Even though we were still fighting, I felt better. Deep down, I knew Jesse wasn’t really interested in Anna. He just liked attention. He would never have said it out loud if it were true.

“Goddamn it, Cara. Stop being such a bitch.” He pulled sharply onto the gravel road that led to the back side of the Field, too fast. We fishtailed, veering hard to the left, then back to the right.

“Jesse!” The truck righted itself. My heart pounded, and I took a deep drag of the cigarette. Jesse spoke again. He seemed humbled by his error.

“Cara,” he said softly. The music came to an abrupt stop. In the quiet truck, I could hear the hiss and pop of Wade opening another beer.

“I can’t believe you sometimes.” I didn’t look in his direction. I decided I wouldn’t until he begged my forgiveness, and then the fight would be over. We did this all the time. Jesse knew how to end it. We lurched up the bumpy road. The only sound was the truck jerking over potholes.

“Should I put on another tape?” Wade asked. I almost laughed. Wade didn’t notice much when he was set on having a good time.

“Sure,” Jesse said.





CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

September 2016

My stomach sinks as the house comes into view. The lights are on. I was hoping Rick would be in bed. Small waves of gin have been washing over me for the last twenty minutes, blurring the course of the train ride home. I was hoping the short walk from the station would clear my head. It hasn’t. I can’t tell how much drunker I will become, but my stomach is still sloshing with undigested alcohol. I straighten my shoulders as I walk through the door, trying not to squint too much as I step into the light. I have to stay sober enough to hide my secrets from my husband. Rick is watching TV in the living room. Maybe he has forgotten all about Anna’s phone call.

“Hi,” I call as I slip off my shoes, leaning against the wall for support. My head spins and my body rolls forward. I recover and right myself. I hope Rick hasn’t heard me stumble. I hope I don’t vomit.

“Hi.” His voice sounds inviting, not as tired as I want him to be.

“How did bedtime go?” I walk two steps from the foyer to the main room, pleased at how steady I appear.

“Pretty good. Congratulations on the natural gas plants. I just heard it on the evening news.” Rick’s eyes look distant.

I fake a yawn that quickly becomes real. “Thanks.”

“Let’s talk.” He gestures at the empty space on the couch beside him.

“You know, it’s been a long day. I was planning on heading straight to bed.”

“Cara, we need to talk.”

He always breaks the rules when it’s about Anna. “Rick, I’m really tired. Can it wait?”

He sits up straight and sets down his glass of water with more force than necessary. “Until when, Cara? Maybe I can book five seconds tomorrow evening before you start snoring? I barely saw you yesterday.”

I sigh. I’d been on Anna’s computer for hours at her place. I told Rick that her cat had darted out as soon as I arrived, and I had been forced to search the neighborhood for it rather than admit that I had gone over every conversation she’s had in the last year. Besides the back-and-forth with my dad, there was nothing important, except for one heart-stopping message to my mother, asking about Jesse’s graduation jacket. Luckily my mother rarely checks her social media accounts, so there was no reply. It made me furious that Anna was asking everyone for something that she shouldn’t have. That she had no right to.

“Okay.” As I walk toward the couch, I knock my knee against a side table and bite my lip to stop myself from cursing at the pain.

Rick looks at me. “Are you drunk?”

“Larry was quite generous with the bar tab tonight.” I smile, hoping I’m looking at the right version of him in my doubled vision. “Mostly just tired.” I rub my hand over my face as I sit on the edge of the couch, as far away from him as possible. I realize that the gesture is almost identical to the way that Anna wipes the slate. I straighten my posture and look at Rick with exaggerated poise. Another rush of alcohol hits me. The room tilts.

“Cara! I can smell the liquor coming off you.” He doesn’t sound friendly anymore.

“It was just a few drinks, Rick.” I smile as calmly as I can.