Messy Love(50)

“I get it, Lydia.’’ I offered her a genuine smile, touched. “I never meant to be in your family life.’’

“It’s a no then?’’ She lowered her head.

“It’s an ‘I don’t know.’ I’d love to meet Ava. She’s my sister after all, but I don’t know the kind of commitment I can give her right now. It’s a mess in my head right now. I don’t want to promise something I’m not sure I can do.’’ I shrugged and pushed past the pain in my chest at denying myself something I wanted, but there was more to it than the reason I just gave Lydia. I had said multiple times to Wyatt that I wouldn’t intrude on his family further than I already had. I said it. I swore it.

“It’s very mature of you, Marissa.’’ She showed me her phone. “Whenever you want to meet her, let me know. I can’t be sure she’d be ready to see you right away but, I know she’d want to.’’

“Maybe you should run this by your husband and Wyatt too. I don’t want to create conflict in your family.’’

“It was my husband’s idea when I let my fear get in the way.’’

“And Wyatt?’’

She tilted her head and frowned. “Did he gave you grief?’’

“What? No.’’ I shook my head and brushed away an invisible lint from my jeans. “I mean, we’re never going to be best friends, but that’s all.’’

“I don’t know you, Marissa, but you’re just like my kids. You’re a bad liar.’’

My only reaction was to stare at her with wide eyes and parted lips from which silence was my only sound.

***





WYATT


I placed a mug of coffee in front of my mother and joined her on the couch. I ignored the protest of my overworked body and also the way my mom’s eyes weighed on me, digging past the mask I had on. It would be better for the both of us if she didn’t see past that damn mask because then something would break between us. It was hard enough to know that she’s met with Marissa earlier today.

“You look exhausted,’’ she said calmly, almost diplomatically with the tone she used. Knowing the kind of short temper I had and how bad I sometimes reacted to stupid shit, I couldn’t blame her. I had been a ticking bomb these past few weeks.

“Yeah well, that’s work.’’ I shrugged and rubbed my face with both hands and sighed deeply. “How did it go with…’’

“Marissa. You can say her name, you know,’’ she said with a smile. She took a sip of coffee, her eyes now lost in thoughts for a moment before she focused on me again. “It went well.’’

At least, I did something right here. It made me feel powerless and in danger of something, but I did something right for my mother. For Marissa.

“I don’t want to make you angry, Wyatt, but I have a question.’’

“Go ahead. You know I can't get mad at you.’’

She leaned forward and put down her mug of coffee still steamy before straightening up and watching me with that kind of look that told me I wouldn’t like her next words.

“I have a feeling that you and Marissa had a fight.’’

“That’s not a question,’’ I said, voice as tight as my body.

“What happened?’’

“I respect your need to get to know her, but it doesn’t mean I have to be on good terms with her. That’s all there is to it.’’

“That’s not an answer, Wyatt.’’ She frowned at me, her eyes seeking mine, but I turned my head away and fixed the window and the view of the blue sky and the few cotton white clouds up there.

“All that matters is that you’re in contact with her and that she’s a good person.’’

“If she’s a good person then why are you two fighting? I have a feeling that—''

“That nothing,’’ I cut her off harshly, making her gasp and recoil on the couch as her soft eyes met my glower. “What do you want me to do? Throw her a 'welcome to the Burton family' party?’’

“Don’t use that tone with me,’’ she bit back, authority and a certain rigidity peaking in.

“Don’t force it on me then. Damn it!’’ I stood up and walked to the kitchen where I leaned against my hands on the kitchen countertop. “Don’t make this about me, Mom.'' I went on when I heard her follow me. "It’s between you and your daughter.’’

Saying that word, daughter, sliced at me. As much as I was her son, there was nothing thicker than blood, wasn’t there? That’s what people always said. That’s what I tended to believe when my flaws echoed to a past I’d rather forget with a man I didn’t consider a father anymore. As good to me Danny Burton had been since I met him, I would never be quite like him. I wasn’t good at heart like he was, a genuine kind of good that meant he’d rather hurt himself than hurt someone else.

“Wyatt, don’t do this.’’ I heard how tired she was with the way her voice went down, her words slow and pleading. I didn’t turn around.

“Do what?’’

“Push me away. Believe that you’re not important to me. I know you, Wyatt. You’re my son.’’ She walked closer, the sound of her steps quiet on the wooden floor. Her hand landed on my tensed back, running up and down softly, soothingly. “I have two men in my life that count more than anybody else. You and your father. You know it in your heart, Wyatt, so don’t let your mind trick you into thinking that you’re not important to me or that your opinion doesn’t count.’’