Messy Love(49)

“Good,’’ I said, lying through my teeth, but it wasn’t like I could say that her adoptive son had made my life a bigger mess than I did on my own. “I should be finished with my apprenticeship soon, so that’s great.’’

“I’m happy for you. Will you be staying at… Hmm… Ink…’’

“InkSpired. I will, for a while at least. I’d like to open my tattoo parlor one day, but I need to save first and build myself a real portfolio.’’ I turned to look at Lydia and found her attention already entirely on me. She seemed so happy to see me. Her face was so open, and her eyes held joyful tears that I wondered how I hesitated meeting with her in the first place. She truly was a kind person. “How’s your family?’’

Her smile stretched even wider, and she grabbed her phone from her red purse, matching her red flats and the red flowers on her blouse. “They’re all fine even if Wyatt is broodier than usual. Ava won a dance contest last week. Here, look.’’ She pushed her phone at me. I steadied her hand and glanced at the picture of Ava wearing a tutu smiling big for the camera while holding a blue ribbon and a small cup. “She takes her classic dance lessons very seriously.’’

“That’s great. Everybody needs a passion.’’ I released her hand holding the phone and looked away.

It bit a little to witness firsthand the motherly pride in Lydia for her daughter’s accomplishment. For a sister, I didn’t know.

“I’m sorry,’’ she said quietly, and I looked at her in question. She held up her phone then. The screen was back to black, but the meaning was clear. “I shouldn’t have shown you this picture.’’

“You’re proud of your kid. That’s great.’’

“It doesn’t make it easier for you now, does it?’’

I smiled and gave a pitiful laugh. “It stings, but nothing is easy for either of us. It’s okay, though. Ava looks like a good kid, and she deserves to be cherished and supported by her family. I don’t resent her or you.’’

“I know. You wouldn’t have contacted me again if you did.’’ She sighed and then gazed at the young mother and her baby again. She discreetly pointed at them. “You see this woman?’’ At my nod, she dropped her hand in her lap. “When Ava was born, we had recently adopted Wyatt. It was still rocky, and Ava was a baby surprise, but a welcomed surprise. The fact is, I was overwhelmed. I was a new mother twice over.’’

“You must have had your hands full.’’

“Oh yes!’’ She laughed, her eyes turned to the past. A fond memory passed through her mind. I knew it because it softened her traits so much that it couldn’t be mistaken. “Wyatt was hurting and lost, and Ava was a fussy newborn. But what was harder for me was to accept Ava when I gave you up. For the first three months, I didn’t want to take Ava for a walk in a park or go shopping with her. I didn’t reject her, but I felt guilty, and your absence became harder to bear. It took Wyatt to get me out of my head when he asked to take Ava for a walk through the neighborhood. It sounds like nothing said like that, but it was tough for Wyatt to find his place in our family and Ava scared him for a while. Wyatt had always helped me when it came to you, even when he didn’t know he was.’’

“Why are you telling me this?’’

“Because I know you’re here thanks to my son.’’

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. She chuckled and patted my hand. “My husband thinks he’s sneaky, but what’s sneakier than a cop is a cop’s wife. I know he put up Wyatt to it. Thank you for agreeing, Marissa. It’s selfish of me, but I’m happy to see you again.’’

“I shouldn’t have waited so long to contact you.’’ I touched the bird tatted on the inside of my wrist.

“It’s okay. I didn’t know you and Wyatt kept in touch. After his glacial welcome, I hadn’t expected it.’’

I bit my lip to stop my answering cringe and shrugged. “I’ve seen him around through Ralph. I did a cover up tattoo on his arm so…’’ I trailed off and cleared my throat as my discomfort closed up my throat. It was as if my body itself tried to prevent me from lying further.

“Oh, I didn’t know. That’s great. How was Wyatt with you?’’

“Uh… Okay.’’

“You can tell me, Marissa. My son is an adult, but I know he can be abrasive sometimes.’’

“Wyatt has his issues, and that’s none of my business.’’ My curt tone was more telling than I’d like, but it was that or I’d curse her son and leave in a hurry before I let my emotions get the better of me.

“I see.’’ She sighed. “I wanted to run something by you, but I’m afraid it’s too soon.’’ She toyed with her phone between her hands.

“Go ahead. I’ll tell you if it is or not.’’

She eyed me carefully. “If you’d like to meet Ava, I will talk about you to her. She’s a smart kid, and I think that with the proper talk she can understand, but I don’t want to tell her now if you’re not ready to meet her and be in her life, even from afar.’’ She held up a hand before I said something. “I know it’s asking a lot, but she’s just a kid, and I don’t want her to get attached if it means you’ll be in and out of her life in the blink of an eye. If she were older, I wouldn’t worry but—''