Loveless(84)

He laughed again. ‘Why are we being all emotional?’

‘I don’t know. You started it.’

We were interrupted by Jess and another of Sunil’s vice-presidents, who had come to summon him to the front of the room. Sunil had to make a speech.

‘I’ll message him,’ he said, as he walked away.

That was when I knew that I could not rest until I got the Shakespeare Soc back together. Not just because I wanted Pip and Jason to be my friends again – but for Sunil too. Because, despite his hectic life and all the important things he had going on, he’d found joy in our stupid little play. And months ago, at that Autumn Pride Soc formal, Sunil had been there for me in a moment of crisis, even while he was stressed out and dealing with assholes. Now it was my turn to be there for him.

I hung around for Sunil’s speech. On the sidelines, with a cupcake and a full glass of wine.

Sunil got up on stage, tapped the microphone, and that was enough for the attendees to start applauding and whooping. He introduced himself, thanked everyone for coming, and then spent a few minutes going through all the upcoming events for the term. The film night this month would be Moonlight, the Pride Club Nights would be on Jan 27, Feb 16 and March 7, the Trans Book Club would take place at the Bill Bryson Library on Jan 19, the Big Queer Dungeons and Dragons group was looking for new members, and it was someone named Mickey’s turn to host the Queer, Trans and Intersex People of Colour Society dinner on Feb 20 at their flat in Gilesgate.

And there were lots more. Hearing about all these things, and seeing all the people getting excited about them, made me feel excited in a weird way. Even though I wouldn’t go to most of them. I almost felt like I belonged to something just by being here.

‘I think that’s covered all of this term’s events,’ Sunil concluded, ‘so, just before I let you carry on eating and chatting, I just wanted to thank you all for what a great few months we had last term.’

There was another round of applause and cheers. Sunil grinned and clapped too.

‘I’m glad you enjoyed it too! I was pretty nervous about being your president. I know I implemented some big changes, like turning the bar crawls into formals and introducing more daytime activities for the society, so I’m really thankful for your support.’

He gazed out into the distance suddenly, like he was thinking about something. ‘When I was a fresher, I didn’t feel like I belonged at Durham. I’d arrived hoping to finally meet some people like me, but instead I found myself still surrounded by a lot of cis, straight white people. I’d spent a lot of my teenage life very alone. And by that point, I’d got used to it. I spent a long time thinking this was the way things had to be – I had to survive on my own, I had to do everything on my own, because nobody would ever help me. I spent much of that first year in a really dark place … until I met my best friend, Jess.’ Sunil pointed towards Jess, who quickly put a hand in front of her face in a half-hearted attempt to hide. There were a few more cheers.

‘Jess won me over instantly with her numerous items of clothing that have dogs on them.’ The crowd chuckled, and Jess shook her head, her smile just peeking out from behind her hand. ‘She was the funniest and bubbliest person I’d ever met. She encouraged me to join Pride Soc. She brought me to one of the original QTIPOC dinners. And we had so many discussions about how the society could be better. And then she encouraged me to try for president, with her at my side.’ He grinned. ‘I thought she should be president, but she’s told me a billion times how much she hates public speaking.’

Sunil smiled down at Jess, and Jess smiled back at him, and there was such genuine love in that gaze.

I felt dazzled by it.

‘Pride Soc isn’t just about doing queer stuff,’ Sunil continued, and that got him some laughs. ‘It’s not even about finding potential hook-ups.’ Someone in the crowd shouted their friend’s name, which earned more laughs. Sunil laughed with them.

‘No. It’s about the relationships we form here. Friendship, love and support while we’re all trying to survive and thrive in a world that often doesn’t feel like it was made for us. Whether you’re gay, lesbian, bi, pan, trans, intersex, non-binary, asexual, aromantic, queer, or however you identify – most of us here felt a sense of unbelonging while we were growing up.’ Sunil looked one more time at Jess, then back out at the crowd. ‘But we’re all here for each other. And it’s those relationships that make Pride Soc so important and so special. It’s those relationships that, despite all of the hardships in our lives, will continue to bring us joy every single day.’ He raised his glass. ‘And we all deserve joy.’

It was kind of cheesy, maybe. But it was also one of the loveliest speeches I’d heard in my whole life.

Everyone raised their drinks then cheered for Sunil as he stepped down and Jess buried him in a hug.

That was it. That was what everything was about.

The love in that hug. The knowing look between them.

They had their own love story.

That was what I wanted. That was what I’d had, once, maybe.

I used to dream of a spellbinding, endless, forever romance. A beautiful story of meeting a person who could change your whole world.

But now, I realised, friendship could be that too.

On my way out of the room, I found myself nearing Lloyd’s table. He was sitting with a couple of other guys, drinking their way through a bottle of wine with sour expressions on their faces.