Loveless(83)

It was a social. In which the point was to socialise. I was at a gathering with the specific purpose of socialising. On my own.

Why the absolute Jesus had I done this?

No. OK. I was brave. And there were cupcakes.

I went to get a cupcake. For emotional support.

Sunil, Jess and hopefully Pip were there, so there were people I knew. I searched around and quickly found Sunil and Jess in the centre of a group of people having a loud conversation, but didn’t want to disturb them when they probably had lots of things to do and lots of people to talk to, so left them to it and continued on my search for Pip.

I walked around the room three whole times before concluding that she was not there.

Great.

I got my phone out and checked her Instagram, only to discover that she was posting in her story about a movie night with her friends at Castle. She wasn’t even planning to attend this event.

Great.

‘Georgia!’

A voice made me jump – Sunil’s voice. I turned to find him striding towards me, wearing loose culottes made out of a jersey material that looked simultaneously very cool and very comfy.

‘Sorry, did I make you jump?’

‘N-no, no!’ I stammered. ‘It’s fine!’

‘I just wanted to see whether anything had happened with the Shakespeare Soc?’ he asked, with an expression so hopeful that it actually hurt my heart. ‘I know you lot had an argument, but … well, I was just hoping that, maybe … you’d sorted it out, or something.’ He smiled meekly. ‘I know it was just a bit of fun, but … I was really enjoying it.’

The look on my face was probably answer enough, but I told him anyway.

‘No,’ I said. ‘It’s … it’s still all …’ I made a gesture with my hands. ‘It’s not happening.’

‘Oh.’ Sunil nodded as if he’d expected it, but his obvious disappointment made me want to cry a bit. ‘That’s really sad.’

‘I’m trying to make things right,’ I said instantly. ‘I’m actually here because I wanted to find Pip and see if she’d reconsider.’

Sunil glanced around the room. ‘I don’t think I’ve seen her.’

‘No, I don’t think she’s here.’

There was a pause. I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t know how to make any of this better.

‘Well … if there’s anything I can do,’ said Sunil, ‘I’d – I’d like to help. It really was nice to just have something fun to do that wasn’t stressful. Everything’s a bit stressful for me at the moment, what with third year and Pride Soc and Lloyd is determined to be a perpetual annoyance in my life.’ He glanced quickly towards where the ex-president, Lloyd, was sitting at a table with a group of people.

‘What’s he been doing?’

‘He’s just been trying to weasel himself back on to the society exec.’ Sunil rolled his eyes. ‘He thinks his opinions are vital to the society because my perspective is too inclusive. Can you believe that? Too inclusive? This is a society for queer and questioning students, for God’s sake. You don’t have to take a test to get in.’

‘He’s a dickhead,’ I said.

‘He is. Very much so.’

‘Is there anything I can do to help?’

Sunil laughed. ‘Oh, I don’t know. Spill a drink on him? No, I’m joking. You’re sweet, though.’ He shook his head. ‘Anyway – Shakespeare Soc. Is there any way I can help resolve the situation?’ He looked almost desperate. ‘I … It really was the most fun I’ve had in quite a while.’

‘Well … unless there’s a way you can get Jason and Pip to talk to me and Rooney again, I don’t think there’s really any way it’s happening.’

‘I could talk to Jason,’ he said instantly. ‘We chat on Whatsapp occasionally. I could get him to come to a rehearsal.’

I felt my heart race with hope. ‘Really? Are you sure?’

‘I really don’t want this play to fall apart.’ Sunil shook his head. ‘I really didn’t have any fun hobbies before. Orchestra is stressful and Pride Soc doesn’t count as a hobby, and they’re fun, but they’re work. This play … it was just joy, you know?’ He smiled, gazing down. ‘When we started rehearsing, I … honestly, I was a little concerned it was a waste of time. Time I should be using studying and doing things for my other societies. But making friends with you all, acting out fun scenes, having pizza nights and everyone’s silly messages in the group chat – it was just joy. Pure joy. And it took me so long to feel like I deserved that. But I do! And this is it!’ He let out a bright, carefree laugh. ‘And now I’m oversharing!’

I wondered whether he was a little tipsy, before remembering that Sunil didn’t drink alcohol. He was just being earnest.

It made me want to be earnest too.

‘You do deserve that,’ I said. ‘You … you helped me so much. I don’t know where I would be or how I would feel if I hadn’t met you. And … I feel like you’ve done that for a lot of people. And it’s been hard sometimes. And people haven’t always checked up on you.’ I felt embarrassed by what I was saying, but I wanted him to know. ‘And even if you’d done none of that … you’re my friend. And you’re one of the best people I know. So you do deserve that. You deserve joy.’ I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. ‘And I like it when you overshare!’