Happily Ever Awkward (The H.E.A. Files, #1)(43)

“That wasn’t greatness,” Paul said. “That was the Curse. I was trying to run away… I wasn’t thinking.”

Flicker shook her head. “You’re wrong. The greatness in you could topple the world if you let it, and I want a part of that action when it comes. Of course, giving us a forest didn’t hurt your position either,” she added with a wink.

“I can’t topple the world. I can’t even rescue a princess.”

“That’s your story to tell, not mine.” As Flicker swooped away to ready the evening’s revels, she paused long enough to call back over her shoulder, “What happens next is on you!”





Technically, what happens next is on the next page… if such things interest you.





29



FLITTER NECTAR


Famed theologian and flagellant Bangle the Perpetually Tender had this to say on the subject of godhood.



“Yea, verily, the mind reels when contemplating the gods. Such fearsomely awesome beings capable of bending the cosmos to their will, they elude the clay of man’s intellect. Can man possibly imagine the terrible responsibilities — or the divine benefits? Swilling ambrosia, arbitrarily smiting annoying bastards, and, in a word, virgins.”



Eventually, Bangle’s discourse settled upon more relevant theological topics, such as the famed battle between two rival gods, Jahalael and Gauron, for supremacy in the pantheon.

They dueled over Planet Earth long before life walked its surface. The ground trembled at the energies unleashed. The heavens boiled away in amber firestorms. Reality itself shattered, remained iffy for a very long time, and then finally put itself back together as best it could. Though the duel was a draw, its aftermath yielded the world we know today.

The only other thing in the universe known to wreak a comparable amount of havoc is a full shot of flitter nectar.





Jack’s eyes glowed like a rainbow.

His brain sizzled like lightning.

He imagined impossible things in odd languages he didn’t understand.

He saw things no one else could see and did things no one else could do.

At least that’s what he thought he was doing.

To say Jack was currently “thinking” would have been generous. What Jack was actually doing was chugging a full bottle of flitter nectar. Thought and flitter nectar were not typically compatible.

The effects of flitter nectar on a human have been compared to the head trauma knights experience on the field of battle when they forget to wear their helmets. In the case of flitter nectar, the field of battle was usually a party, and the head trauma was typically raging stupidity leading to a lifetime of embarrassment, regret, and memory loss.

Hooting like a maniac, Jack drained his bottle, raised his hands above his head, and then vomited a stream of rainbow-colored glitter.

The gang of Fierce Flitterlings cheered his antics around their bonfire.

Slipping unnoticed from the chaos, Laura weaved unsteadily through the shadows to the cleanest of the mushroom houses in the area. A doorway and window had been cut through the mushroom’s stem. Pushing aside the curtain strung across the doorway, she entered without knocking.

The interior of the mushroom’s stem had been hollowed out to produce a single room with spongy white floors and walls. Paul sat on the floor with his back against the wall, for the mushroom was devoid of furnishings. He looked up when Laura entered. The dancing firelight outside backlit her body.

She was beautiful.

And tipsy.

“Why you hiding in here?” she asked with a lopsided grin. “Is big strong hero scared of a little fun?”

“You’ve been drinking flitter nectar, haven’t you,” he said.

She pinched two fingers together as tightly as she could. “Teensy tiny. Haven’t you?”

“I don’t like to drink.”

“You’re no fun,” she pouted. “What’s wrong with you? You’re a prince — your whole life should be one big party, right?”

Paul rocked his head noncommittally. “It’s not as great as you might think.”

Laura snorted. “Try being a handmaiden.”

“Want to trade?” Paul asked.

“You think I wouldn’t?” Laura asked right back.

“Why would you want to?”

“Why?!” Laura said. “This is the most fun I’ve had in my entire life! Adventure! Excitement! Romance! I wish Luscious would get kidnapped more often—”

Paul stared at her in surprise.

“I… I didn’t mean that,” she said. She looked away, unable to meet his eyes. “I never meant for her to get hurt.”

“I know,” Paul said.

“I didn’t,” she repeated. “But now… she might die.”

“That’s not your fault, Laura,” Paul said. “Well, it is a little. But she won’t die.”

Laura turned back to him, and her eyes were more serious than Paul had ever seen them. “We may not always agree, but… I love my princess. I’d trade places with her right now if I could, just so she could be safe.”

Paul nodded. “I know you would.”

“I’d die for her,” Laura said. “Paul, please… please save her.”