Happily Ever Awkward (The H.E.A. Files, #1)(39)

“Might I ask your name?”

“I am Prince Paul of Hofnar. I come to Saraan-Vishta on a Quest.”

“A Quest!” the Flitterling clapped his hands. “Dawns of forever-joy, how honored am I to meet an heroic prince mid-exploit!”

“Thank you,” Paul said. He started to bow, but the inchworm stretched out its neck and nuzzled his face.

“If I might be so bold, where are you going?” the Flitterling asked.

“I… uh…” The inchworm smeared its long, friendly tongue across his face. “Ugh… I’m not entirely sure. I’m just… I’m a bit lost.”

“Warm tingles of light, fortune smiles upon you!” exclaimed the Flitterling, bouncing up and down in his saddle. “I am Levondyth Spinner, sheriff of this realm!”

The silver Poxie abruptly plunged from its orbit and crashed against Levondyth’s chest, splaying itself there like a silver star.

“You’re the sheriff?” Paul asked as he smeared the inchworm’s slobber from his cheek. It had the pleasant aroma of mint.

“I am, yes, I am!” said Levondyth. He leaned forward. “So, how may I serve you, Man-Prince?”

“Well… I guess… what I’m looking for is someone who can help me track something,” Paul said. He fished Demog’s leather strap from his pocket. “This, actually.”

Levondyth reared back and sucked air through his puckered lips. “Ooh, a tracker. Sorry am I, but all the licensed trackers in Saraan-Vishta are currently employed by the Poxie Post. Not one remains here.”

“But… I… what about all of them?” Paul gestured around the inchworm at the dancing Poxies and the fluttering Flitterlings.

“Oh, Man-Prince, not all Flitterlings were meant to survive beyond the confines of Saaran-Vishta,” Levondyth said with a sad shake of his head. “Some were only meant to frolic. Here, in a world rich with magic, can they frolic to their heart’s content. Your world, sadness descending, is barren and bland, parched of magic. Why would those who frolic wish to visit such a frolicless place?”

“But, is there no one?” Paul asked. “Please, my Quest is urgent.” For someone who didn’t believe he could actually complete the Quest, Paul was surprised at how desperately he fought to proceed. And some small part of him just couldn’t bear the thought of returning to the ship having failed yet again.

Levondyth stared at Paul for a long time and pursed his radiant red lips. “Well, there may be someone somewhere, but I don’t think you’ll wish to travel there.”

“Why?” Paul asked.

“Because it’s very icky.”

“I don’t mind icky. Please, let’s go.”

Levondyth sighed. “Very well. Don’t say I did not warning give. Hop on, young Man-Prince.”

Paul awkwardly clambered onto the inchworm’s tail and, with a kick of Levondyth’s heels, they began to accordion down the street.





27



IRREVOCABLE FAUX PAS


A banquet table spread with a candlelit feast bisected a long windowless hall on one of the upper floors of Seeboth’s Shadowkeep. Zombies in tattered finery, clearly further gone than Jeremy, added the finishing touches with blank-eyed stares.

Seeboth paced the length of the table, nervously tweaking the Zombies’ work. When he noticed that the position of a spoon and fork had been interchanged, he vaporized the offending Zombie with the flick of one magic finger.

Amused, Demog observed his master’s anxiety from the side of the room.

“Perhaps… perhaps this isn’t such a good idea,” Seeboth said, fidgeting.

“You’re tall, you’re intelligent, you have all the powers of Hell at your command — what princess wouldn’t swoon?” Demog asked.

As if on cue, the door to the banquet hall groaned slowly open and Jeremy ushered Princess Luscious inside.

Demog patted Seeboth on the back. “You’re the most feared Shadow Wizard in the world. You’ll do fine. Just be yourself.” With that, he dissolved into the shadows.

Princess Luscious never once flinched from Seeboth’s dark eyes as Jeremy seated her at one end of the table. Seeboth took the seat opposite her.

“Welcome,” he said.

His voice echoed in the silent chamber. A pin dropped somewhere and seemed almost deafeningly loud. Seeboth cleared his throat and tried again.

“You look lovely this evening.” He paused to give her a chance to speak.

She didn’t.

“Please, eat something. This banquet is in your honor.”

Princess Luscious made no move.

A bead of sweat sliced down Seeboth’s cheek.

“I sense… that something’s changed between us, darling,” he said. “I just want to fix things—”

“You want to sacrifice me!” Princess Luscious snapped.

“Yes, well, isn’t sacrifice the basis of every good relationship?” Seeboth asked. He was just happy they were speaking again. “But of course, you already know that — you’re the one who placed the ad in the first place.”

“I did no such thing! I specified no Shadow Wizards! Laura changed the ad without my knowledge—”