Gentleman Nine(66)
No.
No, Amber.
You have no right to push guilt on him. You’ll wait until eight.
The quiet was deafening over the next hour.
When the phone finally rang at eight sharp, I jumped to answer.
“Hello?”
His smooth, deep voice soothed me. “Merry Christmas, beautiful.”
I closed my eyes to cherish the sound. “Merry Christmas.”
“We just got back from church a little while ago. There was a café still open near there, so I took Mom out for hot chocolate, and now we’re back home chilling. I’m making duck with an orange sauce. It’s in the oven for an hour.”
“Of course. Turkey or chicken would be too boring.”
“Damn straight.”
After I let out a shaky breath, he could sense something was bothering me.
“What’s going on, Amber?”
“Is Emily there with you?” I blurted out, “Is she coming over for dinner?”
After some silence, he responded, “No. But she is in Chicago. You knew that?”
“Yes.”
“Are you stalking me, Walton?”
Unsure whether to fess up, I admitted, “I…check her Instagram from time to time. She posted that she was in Chicago.”
He let out a deep breath into the phone. “I honestly didn’t know she was coming here. You remember, she and I have mutual friends. That was how I met her…at their wedding. Shawn and Melanie. They live here. She says they invited her for Christmas.”
“So, you’ve been in touch with her, then. She knew you were back in Chicago?”
“I contacted her before I left Boston. I’d kind of left things a mess with her and felt I should at least have the decency to tell her I was headed home. But she came to see me here yesterday.”
“I see.” I massaged my temples. “What did she say?”
“You really want to know?”
“Yes.” I braced myself.
“She poured her heart out, basically, begged me to give her another chance, tried to fuck me, told me she wouldn’t even go back home to Boston if I asked her to stay right then and there.”
My blood pressure was rising. That was hard to hear—really hard to hear. I hadn’t felt this level of jealousy in my entire life.
When I didn’t say anything, he chimed in, “You asked, Amber. I’m just telling you the truth.” He sighed. “Nothing happened, okay?”
“What did you tell her?”
“I told her the truth about you and that I was in limbo. I suggested that she move on from the idea of us because I couldn’t give her anything right now.”
Right now.
My feelings morphed from jealousy to guilt. What if I couldn’t leave Rory behind, was stringing Channing along, and ended up keeping Channing from a good, healthy relationship?
“Can I ask you something, Channing?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think you would be with her if this whole thing with me wasn’t happening?”
He paused then said, “I probably would, but that’s irrelevant. With Emily, it was always infatuation. With you, it’s different. What we have feels…soul crushing.” His tone turned angry. “And by the way, if you think I could be moving on with someone else so quickly right now, clearly you didn’t hear one goddamn word I said before I left. And that worries me. It makes me feel like you don’t really believe any of it. You have this idea in your head that I’m out with Emily, and meanwhile, I’m home on Christmas Eve, miserable and missing you…just wishing you were here so badly.”
I felt like an asshole. “I miss you, too…so much.”
Neither of us said anything for about a full minute until he asked, “Have you seen him?”
“No. I’m seeing him tomorrow for Christmas drinks at his neighbor’s place. It will be the first time I’ve seen him since before you left.”
Channing’s breathing got heavier. “I really thought I could fucking handle this. The truth is, I’m not doing a very good job.”
“Who could possibly handle this well?”
He surprised me when he said, “I need to see you.”
“How?”
“Skype. Can you do it?”
“Yeah, of course. Let me just log in. My username is Amber Walton Double Zero Eight. I’ll add you. Call me when you’re ready.”
We hung up, and I set up my computer on the coffee table.
A few minutes later, it started ringing. Butterflies swarmed in my belly as I prepared to see him. When he appeared on screen, I was reminded of how beautiful he is. I smiled to see that Channing was actually wearing a Christmas sweater. Even though it had only been a few days, his hair looked longer. He also hadn’t shaved.
“Nice sweater.”
“Are you being facetious?”
“Only you could look like an absolute god in a Christmas sweater with cats on it.”
“My mother bought it. It’s an ode to Kitty. I felt like I had to wear it.”
“It looks good on you.”
“You look beautiful,” he said.
“I’m wearing sweats.”
“Doesn’t matter. You’re beautiful, Amber.”