Gentleman Nine(61)

“I know you sleep with her, but do you love Amber?”

I’d told Amber earlier tonight that I was falling in love with her. The truth was, I knew in my heart that there was no falling happening; I’d already fallen—and I couldn’t fucking get up. She was the only woman I’d ever truly fallen in love with.

“I really do love her, yes, Mom.”

My mother looked so happy to hear me say that. “Oh, Channing…I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see the day.”

“Neither was I.”

“You never brought girls home to meet me. I just always assumed that would be the way it was, that you’d never settle down with anyone.”

“Yeah, well, it still may not happen for me—at least not with Amber.”

“Why do you say that?”

“She and Rory were together for nine years. He has a very big leg up on me. She was devastated when he broke up with her. Amber was really in love with him.”

Was…or is?

“You’ve cared about her for a long time—since you were a teenager.”

That comment caught me off guard.

How would she have known that?

“How do you know that?”

“A mother can tell. She was a good friend to your sister, and to you, for many years. I watched you interact with her back then. You were always attentive to everything she would say. Your smile would linger for longer than normal when she was around. Little things like that. There was definitely a connection. I could tell there was something there. She’s not just some girl. You two have a history, as well. Don’t discount that.”

It surprised me that she’d picked up on that back then.

My negative mind was kicking into full gear. “Okay…but Rory and Amber have a deeper history and years of memories. We’ve only been romantically involved for a couple of months.”

“I understand what you’re doing. You’re trying to prepare yourself just in case so that you don’t get hurt. You’ve suffered a lot of loss in your life. Between your father leaving us and Lainey…we’re used to being left behind, aren’t we? That doesn’t mean it will always be that way.”

This moment with my mother was a gift. The day would come when I would lose her, too. It was coming faster than I could handle. But she was here now. And even though there were many moments of confusion, I had to appreciate that there were still moments like this, ones of complete clarity. This one came when I really needed it.

She continued, “Don’t be so quick to assume that she’ll pick quantity over quality. I see the way she looks at you. And I’m not talking about the lustful way most women look at you—even some of my old bag friends who should be ashamed, quite honestly. With Amber, it’s different. Her face just lights up when you walk in the room. She admires you. She sees beyond the surface. There is no greater joy for a mother than to know that there’s a woman out there who looks at her son like that, who appreciates him inside and out.”

“I see that, too. I love the way she looks at me.”

“And if this doesn’t work out…if she chooses him over you, don’t take that to mean that you don’t deserve love. The right person will be out there for you. But I do hope Amber’s the one, because she’s wonderful. I’ve always felt that way about her. She’s the perfect complementary calm to my fiery boy.”

It felt great to open up, like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. It made me realize I hadn’t spoken about Amber to anyone. I always kept my private life private, especially with co-workers. But sometimes, you just need to talk it out.

“I never told you this, Mom, but I met a girl last year. Her name is Emily. She was honestly the first girl I was ready to hang things up for. Anyway, to make a long story short, she ended up going back with her ex-boyfriend. I was pretty hurt. She’s since broken up with him and tried to reconnect with me again. She lives here in Massachusetts.”

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah…anyway, I really had it bad for her at one time. But when I met up with her again here…it just didn’t feel the same. That was kind of what helped me realize I’d fallen hard for Amber. I just hope that little mini-heartbreak with Emily wasn’t just practice for the big one.”

I was looking at my mother, waiting for more wise words of advice. Instead, she closed her eyes.

A full minute passed before she opened them. Then, she stared at me blankly. “What were we talking about?”

I could feel my eyes getting watery. She was gone again. “Nothing, Mom.” I kissed her on the forehead. “Thank you for listening.”

After my mother went to bed, I sat alone in the dark waiting for Amber to return.

***

She smelled like his damn cologne, and it was irking the hell out of me. She assured me nothing happened between them aside from hugging. Thank fuck.

It was the middle of the night, and it felt like I was in the midst of some kind of bizarre dream where everything I knew to be true was no longer. Amber was distraught as she recalled everything that Rory had admitted to her tonight. She said they stayed at his apartment talking for hours before he finally drove her home. They’d been gone way longer than I ever anticipated.

Amber paced across the bedroom. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It sort of felt like he’d come back from the dead. I mean, I always knew he’d come back for her. I just never imagined this scenario. There was no plan for how to handle this situation.