Gentleman Nine(56)

When you love someone, you feel it in your soul, even when they’re not physically with you. Maybe it was also possible to feel the moment that you were losing them. If that were true, it was happening to me right now. I felt something strange inside of me tonight, a feeling of loss that I hadn’t really felt up until now. I mean, of course, I’d left her, but I hadn’t felt like I’d lost her until now. It was a feeling of looming finality that I needed to intercept now or never.

It was too late to call her. Amber typically didn’t stay up past eleven. It was well past midnight. Still, I didn’t feel like this could wait until tomorrow. I had to get my thoughts out now. So, I decided to text her.

What felt like a million words were at the tip of my tongue, but my finger wouldn’t move. It just hovered over the keypad.

Ultimately, what I needed to say couldn’t fully be communicated in a text.

I typed out a simple message.



Rory: I really need to see you.





CHAPTER TWENTY




* * *



CHANNING




Amber’s and my mother’s laughter could be heard from down the hall. I was catching up on some work in the bedroom but would stop from time to time to listen to their sounds.

Overall, Mom was not doing well. She even called Amber “Lainey” the other day. But as much as the dementia was showing its ugly face, my mother seemed happy here. Amber would do her hair, and they’d bake together. In fact, I must have put on at least a pound this week alone from all of the cookies and brownies. Every night, it was something different.

In a short amount of time, it was starting to feel like we were a family. I hadn’t felt that in years.

Closing my laptop, I decided to shut down for the evening and join them in the kitchen.

A tray of some kind of delicious, coconut-covered dessert was cooling on the stove.

Rubbing my stomach, I said, “You two and your sweets are gonna be the end of me.”

“Your mother was reminding me about the stage you went through where you refused to wear anything but Ed Hardy clothes.” Amber cackled.

That was a blast from the past.

“That was hot,” I joked, looking over at my mother. “I can’t believe you brought that up.”

For someone who was losing her memory, she had to go and remember that shit? But that was the thing…being here with Amber seemed to bring old memories out of my mother’s mind bank even when she couldn’t always remember what happened a half-hour ago.

Amber slipped away to the bathroom.

When she came back out, I could tell that something was up.

She whispered in my ear, “I just peed on the stick. I have to wait five minutes.”

I froze. “I didn’t know that was going to be tonight.”

“Yeah, well, it’s time. It should be accurate now. At least, we’ll know…you know?”

I knew the time was coming soon but wasn’t expecting it tonight. Deciding not to pressure her, I hadn’t been asking when she was going to do the test. So, apparently it was suddenly D-day.

My heart started to pound furiously. It felt like the longest five minutes of my life. The sound of Amber and my mother talking became muffled as I thought about the life-changing impact a positive result would have. Visions of an auburn-haired little girl in pigtails flashed through my mind. The more the situation with my mother deteriorated, the more I was realizing the importance of family. Was I ready for a child now? No. But for the first time in my life, I felt absolutely certain that I wanted a family of my own. And each day it was becoming clearer that it was Amber I wanted that future with.

The kitchen timer Amber had set dinged.

Our eyes met. I took a good long look at her, knowing that things might never be the same again.

Amber turned to my mother. “Christine, would you mind cutting the magic bars? I think they’re cool enough now.”

“Of course.”

Amber ventured down the hall, and I followed a few seconds after.

She was leaning against the sink waiting for me. “Well, here goes nothing.”

Just as she reached for the stick, I placed my hand on her arm to stop her. “Wait.”

“You don’t want me to check?”

“I have to tell you something first.”

“Can it wait?”

“No.”

“Alright.”

“If it turns out that this is positive, I just want you to know that I think it would be a gift from God. It’s not the right time for us, maybe, but it will be a gift nevertheless. And no matter what happens, we’re gonna be okay, alright?”

She blew out a nervous breath. “Okay.”

“Check it.”

Amber looked down at the stick then immediately up at me. “It’s negative.”

My true feelings became apparent to me in that very moment. Because instead of breathing out a sigh of relief and rejoicing over the fact that Amber wasn’t pregnant, I felt an emptiness in the pit of my stomach. It was the first time I realized that I might have been secretly hoping she was pregnant. That was pretty eye-opening.

My dick immediately stirred with a primal need to rectify this situation as I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her head.

“Are you okay?” I asked.