Gentleman Nine(60)

“What kind of tests?”

“He tested my semen to see if my sperm production was affected. And basically the sample came up empty.” Rory looked down at his feet when he whispered, “I can’t have children.”

No.

Oh, my God.

No.

An indescribable sadness came over me.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” My hands naturally fell to his, grasping them tightly.

“I guess…I didn’t want you to know, because I knew what you’d say and what you’d do. I knew you’d never leave me because of it. And I didn’t want to prevent you from having children of your own. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Love makes you do crazy things. I’d convinced myself that I needed to let you go. So, I saw breaking up with you as the only solution.”

“What changed? Why tell me now?”

“Because I’m weaker than I thought I was. I thought I could live without you. But I’ve been so miserable.”

Suddenly, everything was finally starting to make sense. “It never felt real. Now, I know why.”

He squeezed my hands harder. “How could I leave you? You’re perfect for me.” His voice cracked. “You’re the love of my life, Amber. I love you so much.”

I couldn’t believe this was happening. It seemed like I could feel my heart breaking, a heart that no longer only belonged to Rory.

Rory suddenly walked away.

“Where are you going?”

“I want to show you something.”

He returned holding a Tiffany blue gift bag. His hand was shaking as he took out a small box and opened it, revealing the exact ring I’d always dreamt about—the heart-shaped design from Tiffany’s.

“I had planned to propose to you at the Top of the Hub on our anniversary. I’d been holding onto this when the accident happened. I never dreamt that I wouldn’t have the chance to give it to you.”

My eyes were clouded with tears as I looked down at the ring. I refused to touch it because I didn’t feel like it was my place to do so anymore. “How did you know about this ring?”

“The file you kept on our old desktop computer with the wedding stuff in it. I noticed you saved a lot of photos of this ring. I went to Tiffany’s and bought it.” His lips curved into a slight smile. “Anyway, I know it may not matter anymore, but I’m showing you this so you know how serious I was about us. I’ve had this weird feeling lately that I needed to catch you before I lost you forever. I sensed that something was happening, and now I know exactly what it was.” Rory shook his head in disbelief. “I’ll tell you one thing…I could never have imagined that you and Channing…” He couldn’t get the words out. “I want to fucking throw up.”

His devastation penetrated the depths of my soul. This felt like a nightmare.

I struggled to find the words. “I can only imagine how you feel. I honestly don’t even know what to say. As hard as it was to accept, I believed that you’d chosen to leave me because you didn’t want me. I had to work so hard to try to get over you. Now, I’m finding out that everything was a lie. And on top of that, I’m devastated for you, that you’re telling me you can never have children? My God, Rory. You’re right. I would have never left you because of that. Not in a million years. I’m so incredibly shocked right now, and I feel sick. You have no idea.”

“I think I do know how you feel, because I feel sick, too.”

My phone chimed. I knew it was Channing before I even looked down at it.



Channing: Just confirm for me that you’re okay.



I quickly typed out a response.



Amber: I’m okay. Talk soon.



I was far from okay. As I looked into the eyes of my first love, the man I thought I was going to marry, the man I thought I was going to have children with, I’d never been more confused in my life.

The truth was, I’d never fully fallen out of love with Rory, even when I thought he’d chosen to leave me. I still wasn’t able to shake him. A portion of my heart was still his. But he’d left a void. And Channing had filled it. I’d fallen so hard for him, and despite the truth I now realized about Rory, that couldn’t erase what had developed in my heart for Channing.

Now, it felt like my heart had fallen into a state of purgatory. And for the first time in my life, I understood that it was completely possible to be in love with two men at the same time.





CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO




* * *



CHANNING




Staring at the clock wasn’t helping. That didn’t stop me from checking it every two minutes in the hopes that it somehow made her walk through the door sooner.

I’d always known this day would come, that he’d return and try to get her back. It was never a matter of if…but when.

And since when did Rory look like that? When we were friends, he had no facial hair and never worked out. Now, he looked like goddamn Charlie Hunnam.

My mother entered the room. “Channing, tell me what’s going on tonight. I’m very confused.”

“You and me both.”

The last thing I really wanted to do was talk about this situation with my mom. But I also realized that her mind was deteriorating. How much longer would I have her around to vent to? I would regret not talking to her more while I could. That understanding made me feel obligated to open up to her now, even if it was a little uncomfortable for me.