Fallen Woman(60)
“Was that the first night you didn’t call me after going out with him?”
“Yeah. When I got home, and he left, I realized he’d given me a couple hundred extra dollars and knew I’d crossed the line I had promised myself I wouldn’t cross. I threw up, showered, scrubbed my body, and then passed out. I couldn’t bear to call you knowing what I’d done in a drunken state. It shouldn’t have mattered that I wanted attention. I didn’t want it from Holland, but he has this uncanny way of telling me my feelings aren’t returned by you, but he can offer me the same life. In some weird way, maybe I felt like I owed it to him.”
“You sucked Holland’s dick?”
I nodded my confirmation.
“Drunk?”
Again, I confirmed.
“Is that it?”
I wagged my head no. “When I got on the bus the morning I went to the hospital, I stuck my hand in my pocket and pulled out a wad of cash. They were the same slacks I’d worn to dinner, but when I’d gone to dinner there hadn’t been twenty-five hundred dollars in them.”
“So he decided you were his personal whore?”
Hearing that word from his mouth in reference to me shattered what little resolve I clung to. The tears pricked my eyes, and with one final blink, my lids sent the pain cascading down my cheeks. I shrugged, unsure of how to best respond to his statement, and then I waited. He didn’t move, his eyes didn’t twitch, he was stock-still. I glanced away, unable to bear the weight of his disappointment when I felt a tear land on my forearm. Casting my eyes to my best friend, I watched him wipe away the evidence of his torment.
“He knew how I felt about you, Gia.” The hushed words almost didn’t register as an admission. They were laced with guilt surrounded by sorrow.
~~~
I was utterly confused. “Knew how you felt about what?”
“Holland and I talk about everything. He knew about you the day I saw you dancing in the lobby. He knew when I took you Band-Aids for your feet. He made fun of me for falling for someone I’d never really had a conversation with. He. Knew. How I felt about you.”
“I’m not following you, Jase. I’m sorry.”
“Holland knew I loved you. He knew every secret I’d never told you. I confessed to him wanting to date you, wanting to lavish you with attention. He told me to play it cool, and then when he met you, he reiterated that sentiment. Told me the best way to handle the situation was to get to know you, get close to you, befriend you and gain your trust. I’ve spent the last year making sure I knew your favorite color, the way your kids like their pizza, talking about anything and everything with you, sleeping with you without touching you because he convinced me that’s what you needed to love someone again!” What had started off as a quiet confession turned into an angry snarl—not at me, but in realization of the game Holland had played with both of us. “For him to tell you I’d never return your feelings was a blatant lie. He knew, Gia! He fucking knew—he knows I love you!”
I didn’t know what to do with that information. I was stuck on the fact that Jase Lane had said he loved me, as in he has for some time and his friends knew, but no one told me. It wasn’t the appropriate time, but I didn’t care—nothing else seemed to matter. “You love me?”
The storm in his eyes softened; the hardness in his expression drifted away. The chaos on the floor and the hole in the wall seemed to vanish when he cupped my face in his hands. “God, Gia. How could you not know, baby? You and those kids are my entire world.”
Tears continued to stream down my face as I shrugged. “I’m not good enough for you. Guys like you don’t fall for girls like me.”
“That’s because someone else snatches you up before we meet you, not because you’re not worthy! Holy hell, Gianna…are you kidding me? Everything about you is perfection. You’re gorgeous, an amazing mother, generous to a fault, and you’re always more concerned with other people than yourself. You’ve had countless opportunities to take large sums of money from my friends and me, yet you’ve turned down every chance. I’ve begged you to let me help you, but you flat out refused. You’re brilliant, a hard worker, and I love spending time with you. What else could there be?”
On the tail end of one of the worst nights of my life, and there had been some real doozies, Jase chose now to confess. He brushed his thumbs against my cheekbones, attempting to rid my face of tears.
“Please tell me you love me, too.”
I nodded eagerly. “I do. God, I do.”
His gaze fell from my green eyes to my lips, just as my tongue snaked out to moisten them. His face inched toward mine and hesitated, but I closed my eyes in anticipation and was rewarded with the supple warmth of his mouth against mine. His tongue swept across the slit between my lips, encouraging me to open for him. I melted into this kiss as our tongues danced together, and I was filled with a warmth I hadn’t known since Ryan—although, this one felt different. It was claiming ownership, marking territory, announcing I belonged…to Jase.
When he finally broke away, I was panting, my cheeks flushed with adrenaline and my lips puffy from his assault. I couldn’t help the smile that played on my mouth. His forehead found mine, and I opened my eyes to the most breathtaking man I’d ever had the pleasure of knowing. He intoxicated me, but as much as that kiss had knocked me off my feet, there was a huge issue looming, and knowing Jase, he wouldn’t let it go with the admission of love and a kiss.