Fallen Woman(55)

He cupped my cheek in his hand and slid it back to clutch my neck. The warmth of his thumb lingered just in front of my ear. His lips met my forehead before he pulled back and met me eye for eye. “Be prepared. It’s coming.”

There was no time to respond. He took Derrick’s hand, and together, they walked back to say goodbye to Miss Pearl. I refused to believe we wouldn’t see her out of that bed or that room. She would be home again, cooking for us, making cookies with the kids. There’s no way she’d leave Derrick to fend for himself, and she’d said herself his mama wasn’t right anymore—she couldn’t take care of him. Miss Pearl wouldn’t abandon him. Or us.

We needed her.

I needed her.

Jase and Derrick weren’t allowed to stay long and rejoined us in the waiting room. No sooner had they sat down than Emmy took up residency in Jase’s lap, and Derrick found a home in the chair next to him. The twins were looking at children’s books left in the waiting room. With nothing else to do, nowhere to turn, and no clue how to respond to the situation, I reached for Jase’s hand.

He clutched mine tightly, offering me a bit of comfort in an agonizing situation. My mind spun out of control—Holland, Miss Pearl, Emmy. It was overwhelming and threatened to be more than I could bear. “I’ve got you, love.” A gentle squeeze of my hand and a kiss on the temple assured me I wasn’t alone…even though I’d never felt more empty.



Jase made a desperate move and called Allison to ask her to come get the kids. He paid her handsomely to help us out and take them to her house, get them some clothes, bathed, and in bed. He asked her to bring them back in the morning, but they couldn’t stay here. I refused to leave Miss Pearl. Jase refused to leave me.

Emmy squalled like someone had torn her arm off when Jase put her in the car with Allison. She may not have known exactly what was going on, but she knew something wasn’t right and she was scared. I couldn’t make myself send Derrick. He needed to be here if he wanted to be, but I was surprised when he asked if he could stay with Trace. Jase handed Allison his company credit card and told her to take care of what she needed to and not worry about going in tomorrow. She nodded a silent understanding. I didn’t know what he’d told her, but whatever it was, I was grateful she was around to help out. I didn’t know her more than in passing, but I knew Jase trusted her, and I trusted him.

He held my hand back up to the sixth floor where he sweet-talked a nurse into letting me in to see her. I sat next to her bed for the few minutes they allowed me and talked to her about everything and nothing. More importantly, I told her everything she meant to my children and me and thanked her for loving us. And I held her hand, stroked her hair, and told her how much I loved her before I said goodbye.

She’d been diagnosed with congestive heart failure, and pulmonary edema finally took her from us. At five o’clock that morning, Miss Pearl quit fighting. Jase and I had been by her side, but she’d never regained consciousness.

The pain of the last thirty-six hours was unbearable. It was too much for me to handle. As we walked out of the ICU, my knees gave out. Jase caught me before I hit the ground and gathered me in his arms. A nurse ushered him to a private room where I sat cradled in his lap for God knows how long and cried my grief into his chest. He never wavered; he never moved—that man was solid as a rock while he held me at my lowest.

~~~

My kids still didn’t really understand what it meant for Pearl to be gone. Their dad had gone away, and in their minds, death and jail were the same things. I realized in this they believed their dad would come home someday, or maybe they just thought he’d taken a trip. They didn’t understand they’d never see him again, but truthfully, I didn’t think they remembered him anyhow. As I tried to explain it to them and Derrick, I was met with confused eyes, unready to accept the meaning of never. So I quit trying, and we just dealt with the fact Miss Pearl wasn’t going to be around.

Jase had taken us all to his house and had sent someone to Pearl’s to get Derrick’s things. I wasn’t sure what his plan was. I hadn’t bothered to ask, but it appeared, for the time being, Jase was assuming responsibility for Derrick. Just before the funeral, Derrick came down the stairs wearing the suit Allison had picked out for him and stared us down.

When he finally spoke, he did so with tears in his eyes but his face void of emotion. “My mama doesn’t love me as much as she loves needles. And my gram’ma ain’t comin’ back for me, is she?”

I knelt down in front of him in my dress, praying I didn’t put a run in the hose, but not really caring all that much if I actually did. “I can’t speak for your mama because I don’t know her, but I know your gram’ma loved you so very much. If she could be with you, she would, buddy. Every single day.”

“What happens to boys with no mama and daddy? Do I have to live by myself now?” The look on his face was indescribable—the words gut-wrenching and heartbreaking didn’t do it justice. It was an emotion I’d never seen and didn’t have a name for, and I hoped I’d never in my life see it again or be able to identify it. No child should ever face becoming an orphan, much less at four.

I couldn’t lie to him. I didn’t want to make him promises I couldn’t keep, and the truth was, “I don’t know, Derrick.”

Jase wasn’t going the honesty route. He was going to tell his little man whatever he needed to tell him to offer him security, but Jase could do that because Jase could buy him the world. He grabbed him up and set him on the counter so they were eye to eye. “Man to man. I’m not going to steer you wrong, right?”