Bullet(37)

And, yeah, whether I wanted to admit it or not, my judgment was impaired, although I don’t think Brad could have been considered a bad choice for anything. But my code—the notion I had that I needed to love the man I lost my virginity to—was thrown out the window with the too hot air in his van.

And after luxuriating in his sweet kisses for several minutes, he kissed my neck, and those nerves must have been connected to my nipples and my *, because the sensations vibrated to those places and past them to my core. Oh, God, I wanted Brad like I’d never wanted anyone else. To hell with the code. So when he said, “Come on up here,” and placed his hands under my arms to help lift me on his lap, I went with the flow. My legs were bent at the knees as I positioned myself on top of him, straddling him. Oh, it would be so easy, and I tingled all over in anticipation of what was sure to follow.

He started kissing me again and, in spite of my feeling of relaxation, I could feel my muscles respond to his touch over my entire body, and I could tell I was breathing heavier too. I’d been running my fingers through his thick, soft hair, but now I decided to act with abandon. I felt my way to the bottom of his shirt, but I wasn’t just going to be coy and run my hand on his skin underneath. Oh, no. I was going to take his shirt off. I wanted to feel all of his skin. I’d never done it, and I knew he had a firm body and just the slightest amount of hair on his skin to make him look deliciously masculine. I’d seen it enough times that I wanted to touch it. He leaned forward to help me and grabbed it too to help pull it off. And then he thrust his fingers in my hair followed by his tongue in my mouth again, and I felt as though every nerve fiber in my body was ready to start singing. So when I felt his hands on the bottom of my t-shirt, I just pulled my head away from him and lifted my arms. He set my shirt on top of his on the seat beside us and placed his hands on my cheeks to pull my mouth to him again.

I think he knew I needed to move slowly, because he didn’t just grab my breasts even though they were right there, and I probably would have let him. Instead, he moved his hands to the small of my back and, while still kissing me, moved them up, just feeling every square inch of bare skin below my bra strap.

Meanwhile, my hands were enjoying feeling his chest and abs. His skin was smooth but firm underneath, and as I explored, I felt him growing hard underneath me. Oh…that felt really nice, the feeling of his penis up against me, right where he belonged. His jeans and my panties were all that separated that joining, because my skirt wasn’t impeding us at all.

He moved his lips to my neck once again, and I heard a breath of air rush out of my mouth. This time, though, he kept moving down and began kissing the tops of my breasts that weren’t covered by my bra. Yeah, this felt way too good to stop. I was unaware of everything else—of the almost uncomfortable, stifling warmth in the van, of the world around us. It was just Brad and me.

He slid his hands up my back, and his hands started to grab the back of my bra with the intention of unclasping it. That’s when I heard a girl giggling outside the van. Then Nick’s voice. Then the creak of the metal door sliding open.

Nick was laughing and then stopped when he got inside. “Oh. Don’t let us stop you.”

The dome light was on now, and it brought me completely back to my senses, to the present. Oh, my God. Here I was in one of the most compromising situations I’d ever been in. Was I really considering having sex? In a van where anyone could just peek in and see? With Brad? Really? What the hell was wrong with me?

Nick couldn’t shut up, though. He slid the door closed, his giggly girl now inside and on the seat, so the light was off again. “We’re just gonna take the seat up here. Proceed.”

I think Brad knew the gig was up, but I had to give him credit for trying. He brought his lips back to my neck, then my ear, and asked, “You okay?”

I took a deep breath to kind of stabilize myself and said, “Define okay.”

He chuckled, and I noticed Nick and his girl had quieted down to just a series of random grunts and gasps and the sound of clothing being tossed off or pushed aside. Brad said, “We can keep going.”

No, we couldn’t, not now that I was back to my senses. “I really should go.” I started reaching for my shirt, feeling along the seat.

“Oh, Valerie,” he said, whispering, and I could almost believe it was just him and me again. He ran his fingers back through my hair at the temples. “I could make you feel like you were born to fly. I want to do that. I want to show you what you were made for.”

Oh, he was tempting. I considered it…for just a moment and then blew a stream of air out of my mouth. I started feeling for my shirt again, groping beside me, now starting to panic. He kissed my neck again. God, I had to get out of there.

“Brad, I’m sorry. I can’t.” Even in the dark as I pulled back, I could see the grimace on his face. But he let me slide the shirt back on and even reached for his own.

I maneuvered off him after my shirt was on and then I sat on the seat, feeling for the sandals that had long since slipped off my feet. By the time I had my shoes on, his white t-shirt was back on, and he followed me as I made my way to the door. When I got out, I couldn’t help but notice that Nick and his girl were attached at the hip and only partially unclothed, but—despite my lack of expertise—I was pretty sure they were already mid-coitus.

The air felt cool and fresh, and it helped me gain my bearings. And I noticed my panties were soaking wet. That freaked me out at first, but I didn’t want to say anything. Brad slid the door to the van closed and pulled me close again, his hands circling me at my waist. “Did they make you uncomfortable? I know that was weird. I can get us a room, just you and me…”

“I can’t, Brad. I just can’t.” I looked down. I felt guilty. “I think I’ll just go home.”

He was still holding me pressed close to him. “No, that’s cool. I respect your decision…probably more than you’ll ever know.” He rested my head on his shoulder and held me in a tight embrace. “Doesn’t mean I didn’t wish you wouldn’t change your mind.” He let out a heavy sigh. “How far do you live from here?”

“Not too far. Probably less than a mile.”

“I’ll walk you home.” He let me go but wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “You okay?”

I smiled, wrapped my arm around his hip, laced my thumb through a belt loop on the other side of his jeans, and leaned my head into the crook of his arm. “Yeah, I think so.”

“You are amazing.”

I giggled, thinking that was the truth. I even amazed myself sometimes.

* * *

“Val, the door!” Danny yelled up the stairs to my bedroom, although he was so loud, I think the neighbors could have heard him.

I’d been hiding out in my room since we’d gotten home from church that morning. Oh…I’d prayed and prayed and prayed. I was a sinner, and I was going to burn. I felt so guilty, and I’d hated being in that building that day, surrounded by good God-fearing people and a few hypocrites. I felt like they were all staring me down like they knew.

We went home to pot roast and potatoes, one of mom’s specialties, and ate what started as a quiet meal. But then the family asked me questions about the night before, and I told them about the concert…but not the party after. They expressed interest in meeting my friends, and I told them if they came back to Winchester, I’d make sure they would get to.

After we’d done dishes and the leftovers were put away, dad went out back to mow the lawn and mom went in the basement to work on whatever craft she had going on. I think at that time she was into ceramics, but I can’t remember. She went through phases, focusing on needlepoint one month, quilting the next, scrapbooking later on. So Danny started playing a videogame, and I went to my room to listen to music. I’d only been in there for five minutes or so when Danny hollered at me.

I figured it was either Jill, having enjoyed our time together and wanting to spend more, or one of my other old high school friends I hadn’t seen since last year. But it wasn’t. It was Brad.

Seeing him was completely unexpected. I wasn’t quite ready to see him. I smiled, feeling shy, trying to forget our steamy night together. He’d been so loaded, maybe he’d forgotten. And that made it easier for me to talk. “Come in.” He came into the living room and sat on the sofa. I’d just promised my parents I’d introduce them to my friends, but my family didn’t know it was way too soon. So I had to see what Brad wanted and send him on his merry way. I didn’t have to introduce Danny because my brother had already passed me on his way back to the family room. “So…what’s up?” I hoped it wasn’t going to be any kind of awkward apology for what had happened between us. Oh, shit. Maybe I should have talked to him outdoors. I didn’t need my family hearing about what a slut I’d become.

I was nervous, wondering what the hell he wanted. Surely, he wasn’t there to confess his undying love to me or anything stupid like that. “Me and the guys wanted to talk to you about something before we blow town.” I had already expected them to be gone, but I wasn’t going to say so. I knew they must have continued to party hard the night before and were just getting around to leaving.