Begin Again (Again #1)(60)

At some point the tears dried up. I lay curled up between Kaden’s legs, my knees drawn up and my head against his chest. His steady breath and strong arms around my trembling body gave me something I’d never known before—a feeling of absolute stability.

And then I started to talk.

“It all started just after I turned sixteen,” I murmured into his shirt, which was damp from my tears. “Anderson was one of Dad’s new business partners and spent a lot of time with us, because my parents got along well with him. He invested millions in our company. And at first I didn’t mind him. He’d helped my father out, my mother was happy, and that was all good for me.”

As if to encourage me, Kaden stroked my back with his hand. I took a deep breath and continued.

“When it first started, I didn’t even notice what he was doing—like how he would touch me when he passed by, how he got closer to me than he should have. I thought I was just imagining it. And at first it was harmless. But then he started getting … more persistent.”

I swallowed hard.

“It was a creeping kind of … abuse. When I finally got the courage to tell him to stop, he threatened to cancel all his contracts with my father, which would have bankrupted the family business. I was … I was afraid that I could destroy my parents’ livelihood.”

Kaden’s hands stopped and I could feel his body tighten. He wanted to speak but I went on.

“So I didn’t fight back. As disgusting as it sounds, I even got used to it. His constant nearness, his slimy compliments. To his hands, which sometimes wandered up my skirt. The glee in his eyes when Mom bought me another new dress. I just lay there and took it.” I managed not to gag. “One night, he and some other friends of my parents were having a few drinks at our place. He snuck into my room.”

Kaden clenched his hands in fists against my back.

“He started kissing me, but I pushed him off,” I blurted out. “I was afraid he’d push for more. He eventually left, but he wasn’t amused. After that his approaches were even more insistent. Like he had an insatiable hunger. He knew my parents had no idea. He knew I couldn’t bear to see my parents lose everything. So he kept coming at me. Eventually I felt like his voice had entered my head, like he was everywhere. I couldn’t escape his touching, his advances.” My eyes started to burn, but I suppressed my tears. “I couldn’t sleep anymore, couldn’t eat. I stayed at school as late as I could, and then I would hang out with friends at the mall or at their houses. Sometimes I’d go to the movies and sit there through the late show. I couldn’t go home anymore. He could be there, waiting for me. After I collapsed from exhaustion one day, my mother forced me to tell her what was going on.”

I paused and took a deep breath. It was hard to talk about this. I’d never trusted anyone in this way before.

“I told her everything. Everything Anderson had done and said to me, and she looked shocked. She asked me if he … ” I cleared my throat again. “If he’d raped me, and I said no. Then she asked if he’d forced me to do anything else for him. My answer was no here, too. He hadn’t hurt me physically. He just pushed himself onto me in a quiet, disgusting way. He robbed me of my security.”

Kaden seemed to be holding his breath. I lifted my head from his chest to look at him. His lips were pressed together, and his eyes were burning with anger.

“You’ve met my mother. She would never allow anything to ruin Dad’s business or the family’s reputation. She said, well, if he hadn’t raped me, then I shouldn’t worry. From now on she’d buy me new clothes that weren’t so revealing. Then I wouldn’t be tempting him.”

Kaden drew in his breath. “She didn’t.”

I sighed. “Yes. I told her how uncomfortable I felt and that I was afraid of Anderson. Afraid he would creep into my room again, and I wouldn’t be able to hold him off. I wanted to go to the police. But Mom didn’t let me. She said no one would believe me. After all, I didn’t have any bruises. She said I’d look like a liar. A liar who had dragged her whole family into the abyss. She said she’d keep him away from me, and that’s how it was. Until tonight.”

“You let this guy off so he wouldn’t harm your parents,” Kaden said, with a dark expression.

I shrugged. “What choice did I have?”

“For God’s sake, you were only sixteen, Allie,” his voice shaking with anger.

For a moment I just listened to Kaden’s fast heartbeat, building up the courage to continue.

“I still avoided spending any time at home. Especially on weekends. Even Dad noticed my absence, but since he wasn’t supposed to know anything about the whole thing, I withdrew from him.” I laughed bitterly. “And Mom … at some point I couldn’t look at her face anymore. She’d threatened to sue Anderson, and after that he invested even more money into the company. He paid for our silence.”

Now Kaden winced and pulled me closer.

“I’m so sorry that you had to go through all this,” he murmured into my hair.

“Actually, I thought I’d worked it out. I mean, I dated guys and tried stuff out. But seeing Anderson today and hearing my mother praising him has ripped open the wounds all over again.” I could still see Anderson’s face, his lewd smile. I shuddered. “Mom wanted me to be at the gala tonight. She knew he’d be there. The awardee is selected weeks in advance. She lured me into an open knife.”