Begin Again (Again #1)(63)

Dawn sat up a bit. “So you have feelings for him?”

I swallowed. “Yes.”

“But that’s great, Allie!”

“I overheard him tell his mother that I have too much baggage,” I blurted out, before she got too happy.

Dawn’s mouth dropped open. “Say what?”

“He told her he didn’t want to get involved with anyone who falls apart so easily.” It hurt to repeat those words aloud.

Dawn slumped back, then pushed the blanket off our faces to get some air.

“What a jerk.”

I snorted. “You can say that again.”

“What a-”

“Dawn!” I interrupted her, laughing, and turned to my side. We grinned at each other.

We spent the rest of the afternoon eating chocolate, gabbing, and sharing secrets from our past. Even though I couldn’t tell Dawn everything yet, and it was probably the same for her, I felt good. These hours had brought us together again. We were on the right path. It was me and Dawn against them all.

“I think we should stop hiding, and go out to conquer the world,” Dawn said at some point.

Now she was on her back, her legs stretched up against the wall. And I was lying on my stomach.

“Conquer the world?” I raised an eyebrow. “You think we’re ready for that?”

“Well, I didn’t mean today. But we could—I don’t know—do something.” She wiggled her toes and for the first time I noticed her socks didn’t match.

Dawn grinned at me. “So, are you in?”

And how.

For the first time since we’d known each other, Dawn and I were the same height—but only because she was wearing the highest heels I’d ever seen in my life, and I had to make do with my flat boots. She had lent me one of her tops with a deep neckline. Since I was bustier than Dawn, it was pretty tight on me. But who cared?

We were fabulous, and the rest of the world—with its devious mothers, dishonest ex-boyfriends, and relationship-challenged Kadens—could suck it.

Today we were going to go out and flout everything. It wasn’t that we were trying to numb ourselves, the way I always used to do. Quite the opposite. Dawn and I wanted to have fun and celebrate.

We arrived at Hillhouse at exactly the right time. The line was short, and after flashing our fake IDs, we were let right in. Groups of people were standing around or dancing, but it wasn’t too crowded. We ordered cocktails and even found good seats at a table in the back, where we toasted to each other.

“Let’s do Thanksgiving together next year,” Dawn suggested.

“That’s the best idea you’ve ever had.”

“We’re really—shit.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t turn around,” Dawn hissed and stared at me, doe-eyed.

But of course I did.

Monica, Ethan, Spencer, and Kaden had just come in. I wanted to look away and pretend I hadn’t seen them, but Monica had already spotted us and was making her way straight to the back.

“Should we leave?” Dawn asked, but I shook my head.

“We live together anyway. So hanging out here won’t make a big difference,” I mumbled, chewing on the end of my straw.

“Hey you two—how are you? Have a good break?” Monica asked, as she reached our cozy table with the guys in tow.

“We’re fantastic,” Dawn said, staring at Kaden. He seemed not to notice. For a split second he glanced at my cleavage, then looked away.

“Yes, we’re terrific,” I agreed with my friend, and we both let loose a giggle.

Ethan eyed the full glasses in front of us on the table. “Is this your second round?”

“No, we just ate a ton of chocolate,” Dawn said, proudly.

Spencer sat down unbidden on the stool next to her. Her cheeks flushed.

Monica perched on the stool on the other side of Dawn, and Ethan sat across from her. So Kaden had no choice but to sit next to me. Great. He hesitated as if undecided. I made it easy, getting up without even looking his way.

“I’m going to dance,” I announced and disappeared toward the dance floor.

I left the drink on the table. Alcohol wasn’t my thing tonight. I just couldn’t. Nor could I be in Kaden’s presence and act like nothing had happened. Especially now that I’d admitted I felt something for him. Distance was what I needed. Now. But unfortunately that wasn’t so easy, if you lived with someone. And had the same friends. We’d all become pretty close, and there was no way I wanted to mess it up.

Instead of going to dance, I sat on the opposite end of the bar, where the others couldn’t see me. I ordered a water and stirred it with my straw, listless. I let two bad songs go by one after the other, and put off a couple of guys who tried to engage me in chitchat.

After a while, Spencer appeared at my side. “Allie?” He leaned against the counter next to my swivel chair.

“Hey,” I said, forcing a smile and sipping my water like hard liquor.

“What’s up?” he asked. When I didn’t answer, he continued: “Come on, Allie. I’m not blind. Kaden’s feeling crappy and so are you. Something happened.”

“Then go ask him,” I hissed, immediately regretting my tone. I shook my head. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault.”