Begin Again (Again #1)(55)

“I used to love Lincoln, or at least the suburb where we lived. But the older I got … the worse things got for me here. And the unhappier I felt.” I sat next to him and pulled up my knees. Kaden draped the rest of the blanket over my shoulders and I smiled at him. “Maybe I would have liked this place if my childhood had been different. Or if I’d gotten along better with my parents. I don’t know.”

“I can’t imagine how that must have been for you, Bubbles,” he murmured. “You don’t fit here.” He hesitated and swallowed a few times. The silence was tense, and I had the feeling that he was about to share something. “But I do know how it feels to be misunderstood. What it does to you when you don’t feel connected with your family at all.”

“Are you talking about your father?” I ventured. At the same time, I relaxed a bit: Listening to Kaden would be a lot easier for me than talking about my own problems.

Kaden nodded, his gaze fixed on a distant point. “He always got along better with my brother. After the divorce, Alex spent more time with him, and I spent more time with our mom. You’ve seen it—I couldn’t imagine a better home. Dad on the other hand is a typical businessman … Always thinking about a profit and pretty cold, emotionally. He and your parents would probably get along great. Everything is about the company. All he ever wanted was to turn Alex and me into perfect businessmen. At first it seemed like he was obsessed with both of us following in his footsteps. After the divorce it got worse, which made me withdraw from him even more. And at some point our family had split up without my realizing it.” He breathed out. “I just didn’t have anything to say to my father. And then when I found out the real reason for the divorce … ”

He stopped. Since our arms were touching, I could feel how his muscles tensed as he curled his hands into fists. For a few minutes he didn’t speak. I waited.

“He had an affair,” Kaden blurted out. “He left Mom for his secretary. I nearly hit him when he told us.”

“But that’s not you,” I whispered.

He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. “If Alex hadn’t held me back, I might have even done worse than that.”

I couldn’t help myself—I placed my hand on his knee. He looked at me with such pain and sadness in his eyes.

“Only Mom and … and my ex kept me from becoming bitter,” Kaden said.

He’d never mentioned his ex before.

“Which didn’t totally work,” I joked, and Kaden forced a smile that didn’t fool me for a second.

“Before Kendra left me, I was kind of nice,” he said with a smirk.

“She meant a lot to you?” I asked and ignored the dull throb in my chest.

Kaden frowned. “I was sixteen when we met so I wouldn’t call it a great love. But she was my first girlfriend. When we split up it felt like I was going to fall into a deep abyss. Especially because it didn’t end well … It got pretty ugly.”

I took my hand from his leg and traced the tattoo rings on his upper arm with my fingers, one after the other.

“The first ones are wider because the pain was worst. Eventually the pain let up and the rings got narrower,” I murmured, thinking back to the night he’d told me about the meaning of his tattoos.

Kaden placed his hand over mine. I wanted to look up at him, but couldn’t. There was so much to take in. This opening up to each other and sharing things from our past kind of scared me. I pulled my hand away and leaned back. “Thanks for telling me about this.” I looked out at the sky, which was now a mix of purple and dark blue.

“You’re the first person I ever told.”

“But Spencer’s dropped comments about it,” I said, confused.

“Because he knew me back when Kendra and I were together,” Kaden whispered. “But I never told anyone else.”

Now I did have to look at him. “Thanks.”

“Stop thanking me, Bubbles.”

“Okay. But still, thanks.”

“We’re both messed up, aren’t we?”

“I can only agree, Mr. White.”

A pleasant stillness enveloped us. We were both lost in thought.

“I think you should go to this gala tomorrow,” Kaden said after a while, and pulled the blanket up around our shoulders.

I thought I hadn’t heard right. “What? You’ve got to be kidding. No way.”

“I’m sure your mom isn’t expecting to see you. And definitely not with me.”

“I have no … Oh.” The penny had dropped, and I stared at Kaden. Panic welled up in me. “But you have to go back home! We both have to go back; what about Rachel, and Chad’s kids? And anyway—I have nothing to wear. Mom would go nuts if I showed up in everyday clothes.”

Kaden leaned forward and stopped my words with his dark gaze. He looked into my eyes and sought permission, which I gave. Then he bridged the last inches between us and planted his lips firmly on mine. The kiss was slow and intimate, and I felt it to the tips of my toes. Kaden groaned and the sound vibrated through my whole body.

He pulled back a bit and kissed my mouth and cheeks, before returning to my lips, sucking them gently between his teeth and nibbling on them.

When Kaden pressed his lips one last time against my forehead and leaned back, my panic was gone.